


Last Summer

by StruckedByLightning



Series: Last Summer [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baekhyun - Freeform, Drama, EXO - Freeform, M/M, Minseok - Freeform, Romance, Smut, Teacher-Student, Xiumin - Freeform, Yaoi, highschool, secret, xiubaek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-05-20 20:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 86,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6023737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StruckedByLightning/pseuds/StruckedByLightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was a simple summer getaway for myself to avoid trouble,<br/>but who would've thought I'd be diving into one."</p><p>They say Summer is the time of our lives. We get to hang-out with friends, enjoy the beach and party hard until<br/>we drop just so we could relieve our stress before school comes back just around the corner. I, Byun Baekhyun<br/>on the other hand didn't have the luxury of enjoying my summer really, with my parents constantly bickering<br/>that I spent my summer alone and have some time off in hopes I could feel better.</p><p>Little did I know that from escaping trouble, I would dive into one. </p><p>A very unexpected one that changed my life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: I Remember

                                                                
  
  
  
                                                    
  
  
                                                                               
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was last summer, we met in a bar.

I couldn’t remember much, but I did recall the reason why I went out of town. It was to avoid the constant bickering from my parents who would usually fight and discuss about trying to undergo a divorce. I can’t bear the thought of having a broken family, so I decided to plan a summer getaway for myself for a while. I had the money and the means so why shouldn’t I?

I remember a bar, the drinks like margarita then everything just went black and all of a sudden I was being pushed against the wall in a hot room late at night.

Everything was a blur until I could remember being under the sheets while he straddled on top of me his lips gently massaging mine with every peck brushing over. His sweat dripped on me, but I didn’t care; I was intoxicated with every butterfly kisses he pressed from my lips travelling to my ears going down to my neck where he made sure to leave love marks as I dug my nails deep onto his broad back relishing on each warm breath he drew that made contact on my skin. 

I remembered how he bit my earlobes where I heard him slur whispering curses into my ears and I would shiver in delight at his low voice that punctured through my fast paced beating heart. I completely melted in his arms that night.

With so much excitement in one night, I passed out with a complete stranger sharing my bed -  and to whom I also lost my virginity to - and only to wake up alone in the morning.

I remember his face very well, but I didn’t catch his name.

Well, that’s what one night stands are for, it’s just for the heck of it.

At first I thought I had escaped the troubles of my parents, I never wanted to be part of it anyway but who knew I’d be diving into one.

A very inescapable trouble the moment I walked in.

The point of no return.

Could it be a dream? Was it a dream?

That, I need to know for sure.

   
  
                                                                              
  
  
****


	2. CHAPTER ONE: It's Him

 

   
  
   

 

 

                                                   

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

**_Aish! First day of school and I’m already late!_ **

Hi. My name is Byun Baekhyun, for short introductions I would just like to lay out the following for you: I love to sing, I have a charming smile, I'm the company manager of the drama club and I also love to play video games. That’s basically everything you need to know about me and oh! And finally today is the day I become a senior in high school.

And I am also very late for it.

No, I’m not a slacker or one of those hooligans. To be very honest with you I’m a guy who gets straight A’s in class – well sometimes – but the point is, being late was not my regular thing and it’s really not my fault.

“I just had to fall asleep in the bus and miss the bus stop and it had to travel around town, I had to pay double” I ran as fast while whining dashing through the hallways successfully dodging everyone blocking my way. I’m glad I was gifted with agility and quick reflexes or else I would’ve given up already and decide to ditch my first day.

On second thought, nothing interesting happens on the first week of school right? So why should I care about the first day?

Why don’t I ditch my first day?

 

* * *

 

 

“Yeoboseyo?” I lazily spoke over my cellphone dabbing my hands onto the bowl of white cheddar popcorn – which is extremely delicious by the way – grabbing a handful before stuffing it into my mouth.

“Man, I can’t believe you ditched the first day of school” the disappointed person in the other line of the phone was Oh Sehun, the blond pretty boy that has become my best friend ever since freshman years. One thing you need to know about him: he loves to brood all the tiime.

“I was late. Besides, being absent at the first day is better than being late” I munched on the popcorn muffling the words I uttered out. “I rather not be present at all than having the first impression that I’m a person who’s always tardy”

“You missed a whole lot, there’s this very cute professor though. Her name’s Hyorin”

“Finally, the brooding pretty boy’s eyes were caught by someone and a teacher at that!”

“I don’t brood!”

“Yeah right” I chuckled, flipping the channel on the television “anything else interesting while I was gone?”

“Well, we do have another new professor as well. He looked very young to be a teacher, but when he revealed to us his age it was very shocking”

“What class does he teach?”

“Literature” Sehun sing-songed. “You know, he even told us the story of the Iliad from the Greek Mythology with his ukulele earlier, he’s has a pretty good voice!”

“Pffft, I bet half of the girls in class has a new target to prey on”

“Mhmm” Sehun hummed it and I could tell he was nodding in the other line like he would always do. “They were all swarming over his table after the performance and the professor sure was pleased about it too. To be honest, I think every girl in school was eyeing him on. I was watching him intently as he passed a group of sophomores and they all giggled and huddled together. So bizarre.”

“Show off” I scoffed, rolling my eyes at Sehun’s story. Typical, it’s always like this when a new professor comes around. What is it with women?

I will see to it that tomorrow we  _high school males_ will do everything to get the girls back to our side. And I will see what this big "whoop" about for some  _new_  teacher.

“You better go to class tomorrow arraseo? We missed you! You’ve been out all summer” Sehun sounded a bit sad and I could tell he was now pouting.

_Summer_.

Flashing images began to play in my mind. The dim lights, the quiet conversation, the exchange of laughter, alcohol, the room.  _The touches_.

I abruptly closed my eyes tight hoping to shake everything off from my mind. I could feel the tension in my cheeks heating up and a familiar twinge of sensation washing over me. I felt every touch and wet lips that pressed on my skin as if I was reliving that moment again.

I was just lonely and he happens to just show up. He was a beautiful man. He looked like an angel. Why did he talk to me? Did he just take sympathy on me when I told him the reason I went away?

No, I don’t want to remember that night in summer.

It breaks my heart whenever it keeps rolling in my mind and how insane I was to ever have tried sleeping with a stranger - and probably lost my virginity too in the process! I was just a junior about to step into being a senior. What was I thinking?

“Baekhyun?” Sehun’s questioning voice snapped me out from my daydreams. I fluttered my eyes open only to become conscious that I was breathing heavily and practically drenched in sweat. Sehun kept calling out to me as I wiped the gleaming sweat from my sleeves. I can’t believe I was already  _this_  exhilarated for a man I don't even know the name. 

_What is this feeling I have?_

“Baekhyun?”

“Yep?” I tried to hide my breathy voice.

“I’d better get going now, I haven’t eaten dinner yet. You better go to school arraseo?” he said “And oh, the literature professor told us to bring index cards for attendance tomorrow, don’t forget”

“Sure, sure” I reply nonchalantly. “And by the way, if I do go tomorrow to school-“

“Tell me you plan on going”

“I do plan on going, don’t worry! But I can’t promise you that I will stay awake for the rest of the time”

“Oh?”

“Come on, what’s so great about the first week of classes? Nothing but introductions and get-to-knows, right?”

 

* * *

 

 

_Of course, I had to be late again!_

The same scene as yesterday: I was burning my ass off running through the hallways swiftly but surely avoiding Mr. Zhang our music teacher and Drama Club coordinator who whistled me a hello and Mr. Wu who was our dreaded Math professor who’s apparently was always angry all the time and the funny thing was, they were both Chinese. Well, nothing shocking about and I'm not being racist, but I just wanted to share.

“Classroom 4-A, classroom 4-A”it was on repeat in my mind all the time as I stared up at the classroom signs until I found the room I was looking for.

I stood there, trying to recollect myself, a bit nervous for some unknown reason. Is it because I was late? Was it because I forgot to bring the required index card?

Nah.

I’m just nervous for what I was going to do.

Smiling at myself and getting ready, I flung the sliding door open and hopped inside flailing my hands in the air staring at my beaming classmates who shot their heads up the moment they heard me come in and among the crowd, I saw my two best buddies: Oh Sehun and Kim Jongin who were both face palming at the sight of my grand entrance.

“Yeah! I’m back my fellow classmates! Today we’re actual seniors! Whoo!” I cheered and I wish I didn’t. Everyone with their knowing grins stared at me as if I was the stupidest person in the world. I titled my head to the side raising a questioning brow. What’s with their faces? I always do this every year when school begins, they used to scream and celebrate with me too.

A moment later though, my questions were answered. I knew exactly why their grins were growing. It wasn’t because of me.

“And who might you be?”

It was because of the person who asked behind me.

My spine tingled. A cold sweat trickled down my temples and I swear, the hairs all over my body raised the moment the person’s breath touched the nape of my neck. I jumped from my place slowly turning around to see to whom that familiar voice came from and when I did see the face, I felt a punch in my gut and hoped that it punched me in the face and knock me out this instant instead.

“Annyeong” he raised his small hand waving it as a greeting and that smile, the haunting smile that formed on his lips only made my head dizzier.

_What the actual f-_

It couldn’t be, could it?

“Hello?” he opened his mouth, that infamous lopsided grin of his showing as he chuckled to himself waving a hand in front of my eyes to see if I was still functioning. “Helloooooo? I asked you a question”

“I-I…” I was speechless! Why wouldn’t I be?

No, this isn’t happening! He can’t be here.

But damn he was beautiful, from his gelled up hair to his chinky eyes to his buttoned nose to his thin lips and that silver earring on his left earlobe still intact just like the day we met except, he was wearing a suit now instead of a shirt and jeans.

My heart panged, banging in my ears the longer I stared into his brown eyes. The images of last summer, it was coming back to me and I couldn’t help but feel myself stiffen. Out of all the people to be my professor, it had to be  _him_. The stanger I slept with...

I remember him very well. But does he remember me?

His eyes didn’t say anything nor his reaction did give me any signs that he indeed does remembered me. He just looked and laughed passing by making his way to the teacher's desk in front of the classroom. Was I to be relieved of such action? But why am I frowning and the uneasy feeling in my stomach was affecting me so much?

“Somebody help your classmate here, he seems to have rusted the screws of his arms and feet” and that earned him a couple of laughter from the class

It was Sehun and Jongin who pulled me from where I was standing, plopping me to a vacant seat near the window. No matter how hard they both tried to shake and talk to me, I was too stunned to even hear or think of anything at the moment and my eyes unconsciously travelled from my desk to the very image of the horrifying yet angelic man in front.

He was here. He _can’t_ be here!

After weeks of trying to forget, somehow, the gods winded him to just show up out of nowhere just like in the bar. In _school._  Of all places!

Before I could continue to scrape any theories on how he ended up here, his eyes then snapped to mine. His smile never going away and it was enough to make my face flush tomato red. Is he playing something? Does he remember me that’s why he has that playful grin on his face? There were so many questions racing in my mind and it was driving me crazy.

“Are you alright now?” he asked, chuckling quietly. He scanned through his class list and pointed to what I deduced to be my name printed on the paper. “You must be…Byun Baekhyun?”

Jongin nudged me by the forearms and I quickly blurted out. “Yes!”

“You weren’t present yesterday” he pursed his lips into a thine line “We already finished each other’s introductions and I don’t want it to be unfair to the class that they all made themselves known so, I think it’s your time to do the introductions”

“M-me?”

The professor laughed, a melodious one at that. “Yes _you_ Mr. Byun”

Sehun and Jongin both stared at me, their eyes forcing me to stand up and get it over with whatever that was bothering me. I can tell that they were demanding a story for my actions. And so, I stood up. Fumbling with my fingers feeling the sweat trickle down the nape of my neck.

“I-I’m uh…”

I couldn’t get my head straight, not because of him, but because I heard the whispers from the people around me. They exchanged whispers telling each other how it was weird to see me stutter for the first time and how it was uncharacteristic of me to act this way. I never did like it when people stare at me, theatre actor or no, but people staring at you for the sole reason to make gossip was something I hated. I wasn’t going to let people start some controversy about me. No, not on the second day of school either.

“Annyeonhasaeyo, I am Byun Baekhyun. Nineteen years old, born on May 6, I love to sing and act as you all know I am the Company Manager of the Drama Club and I am also known as the Class Clown” I bowed a good straight bend forward “It is nice to meet you sir-“

“Kim Minseok”  _he_ cuts me off in finishing my sentence “but I told the class to call me Xiumin”

“A-ah…ne” I nodded attempting to hide my face by draping my bangs over my eyes hoping he didn’t see me turning a bright shade of pink.

So that’s his name: Kim Minseok. What an odd name but somehow it suited him very well.

Ah, but why do I feel like I have accomplished something just by knowing his name?

I mentally slapped myself.  _Get it together Baekhyun, get it together_.

With all the voices screaming inside my head I didn’t come to hear that the class was chuckling at me when Professor Minseok – I mean Xiumin, or whatever his name is told me to take my seat until Sehun pulled me down as my bum crashed onto the wooden chair.

“Head still in a summer vacation Mr. Byun?” the professor grinned and the class doubled over.

_You have no idea sir. You have no idea_.

“Alright, now that’s over with, how about we open our textbooks?” he said pulling out a thick orange book where everyone let out a disappointed “aww” echoing around the room making his head shot up chuckling at the sight. “Don’t worry, this’ll be fun. We’ll go and recall the basics, like the  _Elements of a Story_  nothing too heavy for today. In fact, all the stories I picked suits the generation for today so don’t worry we won’t be reading anything boring”

Everyone cheered a hooray and a ‘yes!’ seriously though, this class was  _way_  gullible.

Once everyone took their books turning it to the pages the professor told us about, Jongin and Sehun huddled close to me whispering endless questions wondering what was going on with this throbbing head of mine.

“Hey, you alright?” Jongin placed a hand over my forehead trying to check if I was in any way ill which I immediately jerked off.

“I’m fine”

“Then why are you acting so scared?” Sehun asked narrowing his eyes at me. He wasn't part of the gullibility club of the class.

“Scared? I’m not scared” I said innocently and I meant it, but my voice gave away my nervousness.

“You act and sound so scared. Why? Do you know Professor Minseok?” Jongin spat “Is he an old enemy of yours or something?”

“No”

“Is he one of those salesmen that knocks on your doors every now and then?” Sehun added.

“No, no”

“Then what is he?”

“Nothing! He’s nothing!” I basically whispered loud enough that some of our classmates turned their heads to see the commotion, but Jongin managed to shoo them away with one death glare.

“Then tell us why you're acting this way? It’s so unlike you” Sehun clicked his tongue getting a little fed up with my lies.

“H-he’s…” I scanned through my mind brainstorming any possible story I could come up with. Luckily, professor Minseok called out to us breaking our little circle. I mentally thanked him for that. Relief washed over me.

“Boys, please take this seriously even if it’s first week of school. Okay?”

“Sorry sir” we all said in unison bowing our heads apologetically. Despite of it all, I could sense Jongin and Sehun's lingering eyes taking glimpses of me with their peripheral vision still waiting for me to spill out anything to satisfy their curiosity.

What am I supposed to say? That I laid with our Literature Professor last summer and admit to them that it felt good?

_Ah, what am I saying!?_

I slapped my cheeks with my hands and crumbled, sinking slowly into my seat hoping that the earth would swallow me whole into the abyss.

If I tell them the truth about it, they would certainly think differently of me. I know they are my best friends but if they knew about it…it's just so...wrong. What’s worse is that, if other people knew about Professor Minseok and my  _relationship_  last summer they might expel him or me from school. It’s better I keep my mouth shut and pretend what happened during summer was nothing.

But how can I try and forget about summer when the constant reminder of it was just right in front of my eyes with his broad shoulders protruding showing his muscles and his gorgeous eyes that wandered across the room looking into the eyes of each and every one of his students – including me. It was a big problem.

Whenever our eyes meet I had to keep my composure, not attempting to show any vital signs that I was affected. But damn no matter how I try, my eyes would go blank and my mind would always and I mean  _always_  replay that night.

The bed covers, the dim lights, the name calling, the curses and the taste of alcohol on his lips. I shuddered at my seat feeling myself once more stiffen. Was I getting turned on merely by his eyes?

I don’t know how I could keep this up any longer. This was going to be a long senior high school year and it’s going to be more difficult than I thought.

 

* * *

 

 

“Aw man, the cafeteria raised twenty-pecent on every freaking meal” Sehun plopped down his tray on our usual table by the large window overlooking the baseball field.

This was a seat where when we were freshmen, would look outside and daydream of what we may become for the years to come. You see, we picked this seat because Jongin’s dream was to be part of the baseball varsity team in which now, he was the star player and captain. Sehun always wanted to be part of the Street Jazz Dance Troupe of the school and now he was one of the choreographers for the upcoming main event in December, the Christmas Bazaar and I, on the other hand wanted to join the Drama Club in which I am now the Company Manager.

Basically the three of us are well-known in school for our achievements - and mighty good looks, not to brag - that’s the reason why people never sit on our table since they say we had “claimed” it. Truthfully, we didn’t mind if anybody wanted to sit here, it’s just a very significant table to us.

“Tell me about it, there’s nothing even in this lasagna it’s just covered in cheese over nothing!” Jongin’s frown dug deeper into his face grimacing at the pure cheddar cheese dripping from his fork and pushed the plate aside. “I think I’ve lost my appetite”

“Hey, you better eat. You have your baseball training later, you need the energy for it” I said pushing the plate back to him in which he shook his head with a grimace.

A group of squealing and giggling girls caught our attention and we all quickly spun around to find what the commotion was about. Oh, what a shocker, it was our new professor Kim Minseok being swarmed by girls asking him for anything related to literature for the sole purpose only to strike a conversation with him.  _Of course._

“Girls really, always have the room for the handsome man appetite” Sehun scoffed swallowing the stupid excuse for a lasagna.

The girls were ruthless! They would never settle for just a quick reply of a yes and a no to the point that they followed Professor Minseok until he reached the counter. Everything was getting out of hand and the girls didn’t seem to mind it nor notice Professor Minseok's attempts to shoo them away. Fortunately for him, the dreaded Professor Kris Wu and Professor Zhang Yixing came to his aid dispersing the girls who ogled over at them as well, but they managed to get rid of them.

“I thought they’d never leave” I overheard Professor Minseok chuckling awkwardly laced with pure relief. “Thank you”

“Don’t mention it” Professor Wu said shaking Minseok’s hand followed by Yixing “You’re the new teacher right?”

He nodded and smiled. "I am"

“It’s tough when you’re popular you know” Professor Yixing beamed “Moreover seeing that you’re a new one”

“You should have a restraining order” Professor Wu suggested and they all laughed. The two professors offered him a seat by their table and he humbly accepted it.

My eyes followed him until he reached his seat unaware that Sehun was calling me. I snapped back to my senses and acted as if I listened to every word Sehun had said and somehow he thought I actually paid attention to him for he just continued on talking.

“It’s like he’s from one of those Japanese comics, those Mangas or something. I've never seen anyone flock around a person like that in an average day” Sehun pounded his fists on the table “I mean look at him, what’s so great about him?”

_Yes, what was so great about him?_

I asked myself that too because no matter what, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was still lunch break but I had decided to come back to my classroom. It would be empty by now since everyone is either out eating in the field or the cafeteria, it’s the perfect time for me to have some quiet time to rest my head. I was starting to develop a migraine the longer I stayed in the cafeteria staring at my literature professor. I had to keep my mind preoccupied with something else.

Argh. Whatever I do Professor Kim fucking Minseok won’t get out from my head. I just wish I could erase my memories right now, it didn’t help the migraine that was picking up and I wasn’t feeling any good.

And it only got worse when I ran to the corner, turning only to bump into  _him_. I let out a short yelp in surprise before catching myself to regain my balance.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry” he chuckled placing his extremely strong hands on my shoulders to steady myself “I didn’t see you there, I apologize”

“No biggie” I tried to remain calm. I nailed it.

He smiled, letting me go from his grip followed by shoving his hands into his pockets. I stood there and bit my lips, feeling a bit uncomfortable that I was just standing a little flustered in front of him and a little confused on why he wasn’t going away. If he was a _normal teacher_ , won’t you just go on your way and ignore your student?

Maybe he remembers me?

All the theories coming up in my mind were instantly turned down when Professor Minseok nodded and walked pass me. “See you tomorrow Byun Baekhyun”

I turned around in disbelief and somewhat a bit relieved - but I was more tilting on the verge of disbelief. Did he just  **“normal-teacher-zoned** ” me?

Why am I even getting fed up with it? It’s not like we had _something_ last summer.

Once again the thought of summer crossed my mind and I swear I wanted to bawl my brain out. Why do I keep on bringing up last summer?

Why am I even feeling this way? It only happens when I meet him. Whatever this feeling was, I hope it goes away immediately. I’m getting very nauseated with it.

 

* * *

 

 

School time was over and I hurriedly ran away to the gates tasting the freedom in the air. It felt so nice leaving the chair where I sat for eight hours where my butt had been cramping all the way through. 

A little fact about EXODUS Academy, is that the only way for you to go in and out of the school is by train for the school is in the middle of a gigantic lake. It was built by the grandfather of Kim Junmyeon – the current principal - the founder of the school. So I had no time to lose or else I’ll be left by the train.

I hopped in, taking the nearest seat. I was in a hurry and minding my own business little did I know that I would hear the same familiar rich voice of my professor breathed beside me. I leapt on my feet repressing a scream that urged to come out.

“Whoops, I scared you again didn’t I?” he chuckles with an amused grin.

Damnit, I’m being too obvious. I should just remain cool and act natural in hopes that I wouldn’t give anything away. Well, he doesn’t seem to remember me  _at all_ so why am I fretting so much? Should I be happy and move on that he doesn’t remember me? 

“I’m sorry, I’m a person who easily gets jumpy” I managed to say, clearing my throat.

In my peripheral vision I could sense his eyes never leaving me and that made me turn to him, placing a poker face so I could confront and ask him what was going on with his stare. “Yes?”

“You could sit down now you know” he said patting the vacant seat beside him.

_'How about no'_  I told myself feeling the sweat beading to form on the palm of my hands. I inhaled deeply through my nostrils throwing my head back to stare up to the ceiling of the train for a distraction.

“It’s alright, it’s just a short trip from school to the station. I can handle a few minutes of standing up” with a stroke of luck, I hope he'll just leave me alone.

He smiled warmly, a suspicious twinkle in his eyes “If you say so”

God, that angelic smile and sweet voice of his it’s driving me insane. It was really different from the hoarse curses he whispered to me that night. I’m pretty sure it’ll only add up to the plague that’s haunting me. But so far, I’m glad he doesn’t remember a thing about me. Maybe I can start forgetting summer after all.

I opened my phone only be startled by the loud music that was playing and I felt very embarrassed for everyone in the train snapped their attention to mortified old me. I chuckled nervously inserting the tail to my earphones to shut the music off from prying ears.

_So embarrassing._  I plugged one earphone on my left ear.

“Katy Perry?” Professor Minseok said and I abruptly directed my focus to him.

“Ah, yes. Her song, Unconditionally” deciding to listen rather continue the conversation, I slipped the other earphone on.

“I love that song” he plainly said then looked away minding his own business now.

Hmm, I never knew he was a Katy Perry fan and for some unknown reason, when I hopped off the train I never took notice that Katy Perry’s song: Unconditionally was on loop and I have been listening to it until I reached home.

 

* * *

 

 

I came home that night and as always, I never bothered to announce in the house that I have arrived since I was getting overpowered anyway with my parents arguing once again in the living room. Usually I'd climb up the stairs to my room and lock myself in and play songs in my radio blocking out the annoying shouts.

My hands began to press on my cellphone playing the volume at it’s loudest just listening to the song Unconditionally by Katy Perry throughout the night. I do not know why, but somehow listening to it made me kind of happy relishing in the beautiful lyrics and Katy’s singing voice. I couldn’t say anything more but I came to appreciate the song.

Everywhere I went, from the kitchen, to the bathroom or may it be whilst taking a shower I was singing the same song over and over. Even until I went over to Sehun’s house to play Call of Duty. And to the brooding boy Sehun, it was getting pretty annoying since I’ve been singing it the whole night until I went to school the next day and he swore he was getting deaf as we near the train station.

“Look, I know you’re great in singing but damn Baekhyun, sing something other than Katy Perry” he whined and there was his exagerrated brooding face once more.

“I can’t help it. Last Song Syndrome” I laughed.

“It’s a very nice song isn’t it?”

Ever and always, I took a leap back spinning to see Professor Minseok’s dreaded face once again and he let out a hearty laugh. Clearly he was enjoying this.

“Sorry to keep on frightening you  _again_ and  _again”_

“Professor! What a pleasant surprise” Sehun bowed, greeting him respectfully in which Professor Minseok acknowledged giving him the same level of bow.

“Hello” he beamed at Sehun then his eyes turned to me “I see you’re listening to Unconditionally again like yesterday”

My face flushed instantly. Ah, he heard me singing Unconditionally. He might think it's because of him! I hate to admit it, but it was a half-truth.

Sehun raised a brow suspiciously at me and I rolled my eyes giving off telepathic signals telling him that there was nothing worth telling. But he was persistent, his eyes were piercing through me and his hand clutched my forearms tugging it gently in which I struggled to gently jerk off.

Being the impatient boy, he faced our professor. “Excuse me, but may I ask. Do you know each other sir?”

Of course he had to be nosy.

“Who, Baekhyun?” he pointed at me and I felt myself freeze in my place. I averted my gaze from him getting ready for him to say something like he knew me or remember me or something.

“Besides you two are my students?” he stared at me with a quizzical expression then back at Sehun “Nope. Never seen him before”

_Oh my goodness, thank you._  I mentally sighed in relief, unclenching my fists.

“Why do you ask?”

Sehun frowned a bit disappointed that he didn’t get anything worth of intrigue from us. His shoulders dropped in defeat and shook his head in negation. “Nothing sir. Just a random thought”

Professor Minseok snorted once more before turning to stare back at me. I gazed back completely perplexed on why he was looking at me like that. I turned my eyes to the left and the right before stretching and made my way to the train station.

We all climbed aboard the train and reached the school. When I came down and barely made it half way to the school’s giant stairs of the building, a hand tugged my wrist to twist me. It was my professor Kim Minseok.

_Aish, what does he want?_

“You dropped this” he said handing over to me a piece of paper in which I just stared a little dumbfounded on it.

“That’s not mine” I said. I turned to Sehun who was two feet away from me and shrugged his shoulders.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure it’s yours”

I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid but there, I saw a different glimmer in his eyes that sent shivers down my spine. I kept staring at the paper hesitating whether I should take it or not. With further curiosity egging me on to take it, I swiped it off from his hands.

I opened the paper seeing it was blank but once I took a closer inspection, there was a small cursive writing written in blue ink that almost made me tip over in shock. I raised my head to give him a look. He was gone.

_Meet me in my office after class._

 

* * *

 

 

“And so, Zelo from class 3-B fell and broke his arm!” Jongin was telling a story to the class of how that poor Zelo boy from 3-B, a new recruit got an injury. It was a good opportunity for Sehun’s mind to be preoccupied with something else other than his sudden interest with me and our literature professor.

I on the other hand was too busy thumbing on the piece of rolled paper in my palms.

By now, I know for sure he recognizes me as the boy he slept with and it bothered me so much it’s killing me slowly. What does he want from me?

I don’t know him, and that scares me. Kim Minseok is such a mysterious guy, I don’t know his intentions. I hope it involves with just talking things out and just plainly catching up. Maybe in the lines of: " _Oh hey, I slept with you let's forget about it right?"_

My thoughts were so immersed in thinking through any possibilities and consequences that I didn’t notice Professor Kim Minseok had already entered the classroom and the coos and oohs of the girls started to build up again.

My ears however, automatically blocked them out when my eyes then halted to stare at him. My heart skipped with happiness just seeing his presence in the room and for some unknown reason, I enjoyed just watching him smile at everyone apologizing for being late and how he clumsily placed his books on the table. He looked very funny and cute being this innocent little guy. My heart couldn’t stop beating fast at his very sight.

_How is it that a stranger can make my heart beat like this?_

My fists clenched the paper in my hands as I remembered he wanted to see me later in his office and that very image of cute and innocence were suddenly ripped out, moreover when his eyes travelled to mine making that knowing smirk of his.

“Surprise, surprise you’re not late for my class” he jokes.

I raised my hand to acknowledge what he said about me being punctual and managed to smile at him with closed lips.

And there once more, the class fell silent as we began this staring contest only the two of us know. There's really something up in his mind and this paper in my hands was the proof. Everyone in class just watched in great anticipation and I could tell there were question marks written all over their faces.

With Professor Kim Minseok sensing it, he rubbed his hands together snapping out from our silent staring contest “Alright, turn your books to page 19,”

While everyone was getting their books I, on the other hand was too busy staring at him as he was staring back at me. Our eyes giving off a challenge. His eyelids lowerered onto my hands noticing I was still clutching the note in my palms. I gulped as he gave me the strangest smirk before going back to talk to the class.

“Are you okay?” Jongin nudged me.

“Huh? What?” I looked at Jongin completely innocent.

Sehun stared at me for a long while sighing “Just ignore him Jongin, he’s not himself lately”

_Indeed. I wasn’t and it’s driving me nuts_.

 

* * *

 

 

_Meet me in my office after class._

Here, I stood outside his office the feeling of getting nervous overcoming me. I had never been this nervous in my life in meeting a professor. I mean, I always get in trouble and stuff and my face got thick without getting ashamed but this one was different.

If I step inside, I know I’m going to pass the point of no return.

Let’s just get this over with and see what he has to say.

_Knock, knock, knock._

“Come in”

 

 

 

                                                                               

 

 

 


	3. CHAPTER TWO: When He Walks Into the Room

 

   
  
   

 

 

 

                                                  

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

**“Come in”**

_Huh?_

That was weird, for a second I thought I heard a woman say it. I knocked again only for the door to be opened by the other new teacher, the beautiful Ms. Hyorin who smiled at me nodding for me to come in. _What was she doing here?_

Moreover, what was Professor Zhang Yixing doing here too?

Professor Kim Minseok’s back was turned to me. He only turns his head at the sound of the door that shut behind us. Ms. Hyorin’s eye smile was so bewitching, I flustered at her perfectly set of white teeth as she gestured to Professor Zhang who was holding a glass of wine in his hands.

_What's going on?_

“I see you got my note” Professor Zhang smiled warmly, his eyes twinkling with gratification at Professor Minseok who nodded appreciating his acknowledgement.

_Oh, so it was Professor Zhang who wanted to see me in Professor Minseok’s office?_ I slapped myself mistaking and being overly paranoid to think that Professor Minseok was hiding some secret from me. _Shame on you Byun Baekhyun._

I happily smiled at Professor Zhang Yixing bobbing my head up and down, “Yes sir, I did. Is there anything you need?”

Even though I was talking to Professor Zhang, my eyes were passing through him to watch the man behind him who was refilling his glass while Professor Hyorin patted his back so he could turn to her. Something inside me boiled when he laughed to what seemed to be a joke Ms. Hyorin just cracked. My fists clenched and unclenched automatically.

_Why would I feel uneasy just watching the two of them together?_

“So Minseok and Hyorin” Professor Yixing called the two, his hands travelled onto Minseok’s back pushing him gently introducing me to the newcomers. “This is Byun Baekhyun, he is my star pupil in the Drama Club, he also is good in class. He’s actually running for honors”

“Impressive!” Ms. Hyorin clapped her hands applauding me like a proud mother. Her eyes disappeared the moment her smile got brighter. I nodded my head shyly thanking her.

“I heard him singing in the train earlier, he really does have talent” even with just a simple compliment my heart panged in my ears when Professor Minseok said that.

My eyes were so focused on his pink lips, how it moved and parted. I wondered how soft it looked. I could feel myself turn redder and redder by the second and Ms. Hyorin seemed to notice it because a moment later, she giggled and pointed at my face.

“So cute! He’s embarrassed” she giggled louder “Look at what you did Minseok”

“What? He really was  **good** ” Professor Minseok said in his defense laughing at Hyorin as she pinched his sides.

“Would you two stop flirting in front of me already” Professor Zhang joked. A joke was supposed to be laughed at, but somehow why did I feel so affected? I simply bit my lip trying to repress an urge to sigh in frustration.

For some unexplainable reason, I didn’t want Ms. Hyorin to touch Professor Kim Minseok. Nor should Professor Kim Minseok touch Ms. Hyorin. And for the weirdest reason, I found myself aching to be in Ms. Hyorin’s shoes right now.

“Oh come on Yixing, we’re best friends, this is a normal thing. It’s not  _flirting_ ” Minseok took Ms. Hyorin in his arms knuckling the top of her head as she giggled struggling in Minseok’s arms.

They were on it for quite sometime, leaving Professor Zhang and I to be the third wheels to their _best friendship flirting_. Trying to ignore them and the sudden urge to punch Professor Minseok in the face came crawling, I cleared my throat turning to Professor Zhang trying to smile as I did so.

“I thank you sir for commending me to our two new dear professors” my tongue tasted bitter out of nowhere making my face cringe. Luckily , Professor Zhang was always afloat in his thoughts that he just smiled at me patting my small back.

“That’s not all of it, I brought you here because I would like congratulate you”

“Congratulate me?” I cocked my head to the side.

Professor Zhang was smiling every so brightly picking up an envelope from Professor Minseok’s desk taking out a violet piece of paper with the insignia of our Drama Club and then I knew exactly what he was talking about. My eyes widened in surprise and excitement bursts inside me when I reached out to grab the violet paper where it read the following:

 

 

**EXODUS Theatre Guild 2015 would like to congratulate it’s Company Manager**

_**Mr. Byun Baekhyun** _

  
Congratulations in making your school proud.  
For qualifying to the next round of auditions in MID School of Artistry this upcoming October 25, 2015.  
Our esteemed Dean Choi Sooyoung extends her hands and welcomes you to the final round of application.

**MID School of Artistry**

 

 

“I…can’t believe it!” my hands quickly covered my mouth and I swear I could feel tears forming on the corners of my eyes. I never felt so happy! All the hardwork and effort I’ve put in the first auditions.

To be able to study adept theatre in MID School of Artistry has been a dream to me ever since I was young. I never could imagine that I would reach being a Company Manager but I did, and now I still can’t believe I’m going to the next round of auditions in hopes of attending one of the best – ivy league level – schools for my education, and on top of that, if I win the judges’ hearts in my next audition I might get a scholarship!

“We are very proud of you Baekhyun” Professor Zhang took me in his arms for a congratulatory embrace. He lets go of me Mr. Hyorin follows suit by taking me in her arms.

When she lets me go, my eyes snapped to Professor Minseok and everything went in slow motion as I anticipated what he was going to do to congratulate me. Instead of embracing me like the others before him, he held out his hand and took mine – damn his hands are so soft just like I remembered and incredibly warm – luckily my bangs were in the way successfully tucking away the blush on my cheeks.

“Congrats” Minseok’s lopsided grin was at it again. When he took off his hands, I felt very empty, very cold. I never wanted to let it go. I bowed thanking the three of them then my eyes went back to the paper as I absorbed everything in.

This was all a dream, someone pinch me!

“Baekhyun there is one more thing I should add,” Professor Zhang went behind Minseok and Hyorin “Meet your new Theatre Mentors”

“M-mentors?” that was all it took to snuff out the light in my heart. My jaw dropped and if it was possible, it would have punctured through the floor reaching the core of the earth. _What!? Kim Minseok, a mentor in my drama club?_

_No freaking way._

“Professor Hyorin here is a great singer and now she signed up to be a mentor as our Drama Club’s vocal trainer”

“I hope I can help improve your” she cleared her throat and began to pitch some notes then sing-songed the next words she uttered “singing and vocal ranges”

I was impressed, she has a sweet honey voice but my praise to her went short when Professor Zhang placed both his hands on top of Professor Minseok’s shoulders and I couldn’t wait to hear what his position was going to be. The anxiety gobbling me up. I hope he’s not going for choreography because that’s what Professor Zhang does and doing choreograpy is an  _intimate_  practice. If he’s a literature professor, then maybe he’s going to be a script writer or something.

Yes, he’d better be a script writer so he’ll be very far away from me.

“And this here, Professor Minseok would be” of course Professor Zhang had to prolong this moment or was it just me being paranoid once again?

My sweat trickled down my adam’s apple as I gulped. It’s agoninizing to wait like this.

“He’s our scriptwriter” he said and I cheered inside my head but Professor Zhang was not finished for he quickly added “he will also help me in being the Stage Manager”

Someone shoot me. Kim Minseok is going to be our Stage Manager?

One thing you need to know about being a Stage Manager in Theatre is that they are the ones who  _run_ the play if you know what I mean. A Stage Manager is the one who blocks the positions of the actors, he or she cues the lights and sounds and also is the one who screams the lines if you forget about it. Basically, the Stage Manager oversees  _everything_ and when I mean everything I mean from the costumes to your eye contact and that is not going to end well for me.

If I go up that stage and feel his eyes follow me, I will surely lose it and break down.

“It’s an honor to be part of the team” Professor Minseok bows “I look forward in working with you on your next production”

_Nope, nope double nope._

I stared at his expression hoping to deduce something out of it. Mr. Zhang never lets people into the team unless it was our old Professor Kyungsoo who resigned to move to New York for broadway, I’m just surprised he lets two of them in just like that!

But no matter how hard I tried to get something out from his face, he just seemed unbothered when he sees me while I on the other hand keeps on panicking. The way he looks at me it’s just so…it’s like he’s never seen me anywhere.

Argh, is he playing tricks on me? Am I the only one going crazy? Why isn’t he like me, slowly losing my mind and all the while fidgeting! It's so unfair Kim Minseok!

Maybe he doesn’t really know me?

“Well, that’s it” Professor Zhang Yixing placed a hand over my shoulder “Thank you for coming Baekhyun, we’re sorry if we had to give it in...an odd way"

“I understand sir” yep, Professor Yixing always had a thing for delivering everything in an  _artistic_  and theatrical, melodramatic way.

“Now, off you go and rest. You still have months for preparation, go on and relish on your triumph! You have a bright future ahead of you Baekhyun”

“Thank you sir!” I bowed to Professor Zhang, to Ms. Hyorin and then to Professor Minseok who just bid me farewell and goodluck.

That was it right? Nothing more?

Once I’ve finished my farewells and closed the door behind me, leaving the three of them inside I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. A big piece to this mystery was aching for me to find it. Something was _not right_.

Pain struck in my heart upon hearing Ms. Hyorin and Professor Minseok giggling inside. I could sink into the ground any moment if I stayed there so I just took off running away.

I just needed to go home right now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“What is your problem?”

“You! That’s what! I’ve never had any decent days because of you!”

They were at it again. Everytime I come home they would always yell at each other that I would wonder how long this will keep up. Until they lose their voices? Who knows. I turned up Katy Perry’s song once more completely blocking them from my ears.

Actually I began to regret playing Unconditionally again since it only brings up Professor Kim Minseok’s face in my mind. Why can’t I stop thinking about him? More importantly, why do I feel like I got punched in the face?

Was I jealous?

No, it couldn’t be jealousy.

All I know that is certain is that now I feel stupid,  _very_  stupid. For suspecting Professor Kim Minseok when he was just being a nice normal professor to me earlier doing an errand for Professor Zhang. I shame myself, I’m very embarrassed of myself right now. 

To be thinking of a teacher in an appropriate way? To mistake a teacher for something my imaginations could have conjured up?

Maybe all of these feelings I have towards Professor Minseok was just the result of being...lonely. Of being around my parents bickering that my depression and loneliness started finding a way to have a kind of  _feeling_ for skinship, for longing for advnetures or distractions. 

But with him invading my thoughts all the time, rather trying to solve this irritating case, I just find myself actually...I find myself seeing him differently...

This was all so wrong.

It’s high time I forget about him and focus on a larger picture, MSA! MID School of Artistry!

Yes, that’s right. I should forget  _everything_ about him, clean his slate in my mind and brand him as the new Kim Minseok. To be very honest, maybe he just looks like the man I met in the bar and that he’s **not actually the same person.**

But damn, I know a face when I see one.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next morning, one of our teachers couldn't make it to class so she gave us a reading assignment in the library where everyone of us were yawning and sleeping throughout the period of research. It’s a good thing the library was quiet. Jongin was already fast asleep and Sehun – well, his eyelids were going to give up any moment now- then there’s  _me._ I was too much engrossed with researching for a good piece to audition for MSA that it kept me up to grab this opportunity for a one and a half hour to research.

Great, there was nothing in the internet. Guess I’ll have to do it the traditional way.

“Hey, I’ll be back. I’m just going to look for something”

“Sure” Sehun yawned not even bothering to look as he dismissed me.

“Let’s see here…Midsummer Night’s Dream, Othello, Don Quixote, In a Grove…” my hand brushed over the spine of the books in the Classics section of the Literature Category. It’s easier to find great pieces here, the problem was though there were so many I couldn’t choose one.

“Ah” I would go for the common ones first. “Romeo and Juliet”

I shuddered at its sight. It was such a cliché theatre piece that it was so good. I might pick up something from here that I can use as an inspiration.

Scanning and skimming through - Nope, definitely not.

As I was about to return the book, the empty slot gave way to an opening where I could see the other side of the bookcase and to my surprise that almost sent me flying off, I saw _him._  Out of all people and the strangest coincidence,  _h_ _e_ was there, just on the other side of the bookshelf and why wouldn’t he be? This is the _Literature_ section and he was a  _Literature_  Professor.

It was a good thing he didn’t see me though, his eyes were directed to a book maybe, for his eyes were downcasted. I stayed there observing him. Just looking at his eyes, I found them beautiful. He looked like a cat the more I took in the details of his face. He was extremely breath taking. Why is he making me feel this way?

“Shit” I gasped the moment his eyes shot up and I abruptly shoved the Romeo and Juliet book back and completely ducking my head down.

Damnit, did he see me? Was he even aware I was staring at him?

My face just turned very bright red, I could feel it. I should really be vigilant next time. Waiting for a couple of minutes and checked if the coast was clear, I made it out of the Classic section hurrying myself back to my seat where Sehun bolted straight up when I accidentally pushed the table.

“Did you find anything?” he said in between yawns.

“Nope, nothing interesting” I lied and started scribbling nothing on the paper.

Goddamit, why does fate lead me to him?  
  
  


* * *

 

 

 

I know I promised myself that I would stop thinking about him but how could I if he was teaching in front of the class? He was surely normal, it’s been days since we’ve started school and there was nothing unusual about him. The only unusual thing was...well… ** _m_** ** _e._**

These emotions I feel, I don’t know what they call it. I’m pretty sure it’s not love, it’s impossible and it would be very bizarre if I consider it also as a crush. No matter what though, he just effortlessly...reels me to pay attention to him and nothing else around me mattered.

“Alright, I have a short poem here, I bet the ladies will like this” his voice echoed in the room as he passed the papers to two of the people in front who began to hand out the rest.

The girls all giggled upon getting the papers and we - well, we were all scoffing at them. 

“When He Walks Into the Room” Jongin read out loud enough for me and Sehun to hear.

“This is a new poem I would like us all to read” Professor Minseok said clasping his hands together “Now, everyone, this is entirely different from the last text we read  _The Lady or the Tiger_ right? Who enjoyed that?”

All the girls raised their hands saying: “Me, me, me!”

“It was so heartbreaking professor, why do you boggle our minds like this?” one of the girls said and I couldn’t agree more.

Professor Minseok has this way of boggling people’s minds all the time or was I just torturing myself with endless paranoid questions?

“Yes professor! I hate thinking of open endings. If the champion got the tiger he would die and the princess will forever be stuck in grieving for the death of her love but if he got the lady, then he will marry the woman and the princess will forever see her lover doomed to be in the arms of another!”

Jongin and Sehun snorted, pressing a hand over his mouth trying his best to avoid bursting out a laugh in which Professor Minseok overheard and managed to chuckle.

“Alright, alright. Today, it’s a little different and I know all the girls here and possibly some boys if you change the  _him_  to a  _her_  can relate” Professor Minseok took the paper “Alright last time Insung read the Lady or the Tiger how about…” he quickly scanned the room and to a shocking surprise, he pointed towards well… _me._

“How about the president of the Drama Club Byun Baekhyun? How about you read this poem for us?”

Great, out of all the people to read this text he just  _had_ to pick me!

My fingers trembled as I lifted the paper in my hands standing up for everyone to see. It is accustomed to stand up when reciting right? I cleared my throat and began to read.

 

 

_When he walks into the room_  
_the corners of my eyes feed_  
  upon the edges of his image.  
       
The printed page  
     Is orphaned and stranger breed  
     a riot in my mind.  
     
 Then he walks out. And my doom  
     begins to grow with speed  
     of his departure. The mark of age  
     spreads upon my visage.  
   
     There is nothing more to read.  
        My soul is blind.

 

 

All the girls clapped their hands all swooning and cooing at my performance – or for the text. I bowed to Professor Minseok and quickly sat down on my seat feeling a bit light headed.

“So, what do you think?” Professor Minseok beamed at the class where all the girls began popping their hands up waiting to be called. “Yes Minzy?”

“It was very sad”

“Why so? Please elaborate”

“It’s about a girl watching a guy from afar and she might or might not know him but she likes or even possible love him. Sadly, she can’t do anything but just watch from afar”

Professor Minseok nodded agreeingly. “Yes, it’s sad not to be able to have the courage to talk to the person you’re interested with right? All you could do is just look at him from afar”

_Shots fired. Why can I relate so much_

The whole class breathes the same sighs in ooh and aahs cooing.

“Anything else?” he opened further the question to the floor. Everyone seemed to raise their hands but he turns to me and gestures for me to recite. “How about we ask the reader on how he took it. Mr. Byun, do you have anything to say? It would be interesting to hear it from a Male’s perspective”

“Me?”

“Yes you” Professor Minseok's grin grew broader. “Think of the subject as a girl, maybe change it to ‘When  _SHE_ walks into the room’ so it wouldn’t be awkward”

Nothing was coming in my mind. It wasn't processing any information right now that I had to reread the verses at least twice.  


_When he walks into the room, the corners of my eyes feed upon his image._

  
Gah, even if I do try to think of this as a woman, it’s _his_ face that pops up in my mind because, I can well relate so much to this text it’s like, he planned in getting me to read this.

That’s it, I know what I have to say.

I shot my eyes up to the class then I stared at him before opening my mouth. I fixed myself on my seat readying myself to avoid getting flustered as I muttered these words:

“It talks about how a girl or a boy watches a stranger, it could even be someone he or she knows and likes that brightens up their day when that special person comes in. It’s as if, all the troubles in the world were washed away. The narrtor doesn’t care as long as the person they liked was there. The narrator has a one-sided love, and yet, they were satisfied just to see the very image of the person in front of them even if they can’t reach out to that person or even talk to them”

I bit my lips mentally laughing bitterly to myself, finding it rather distasteful that the text felt like it’s like I’m rubbing everything in my face using my own voice. The mere thought that the person in this text was like what I’m feeling with Kim Minseok, I’m just here watching from afar, but I can’t say that I somehow want to... _talk_ to him...finding it rather difficult to...

Deciding to ditch whatever it was I was thinking of the professor, I continued. “And at this part, where the person that the narrator likes or loves goes away, the narrator finds that the person disappearing made it feel like the end of their world. The narrator was devastated that everything around them went crumbling down. This line over here,  _the mark of age spreads upon my visage_  means that even though it’s just been a while since the person left it, felt like forever. So you would see how deeply the narrator loves the person that they can’t bear the thought of just seeing him or her. The narrator wants the person but they know for whatever reason, they just can't.”

_I know I can’t._

I want to approach Professor Minseok like the narrator in this story, but I can't for the sole reason of making a fool out of myself. if I mistake him for someone I met last summer. That is why, like the narrator, all I could do was watch from afar.

“That is all. Thank you”

The room was silent, their eyes were wide agape at me. I raised a questioning brow at them moreover to Sehun and Jongin who whispered that they didn’t know I had it in me to have such analytic skills - well, I'm a theatre actor of course I can read in between the lines! Not to brag.

Professor Kim Minseok broke the silence with a clap.  “A round of applause for your classmates everyone!”

Everyone cheered and applauded me. It was pleasing to see and hear. I know I always get applause from the stage after every performance but the mere fact  _he_ applauded  _me_ …

It was something.

“That's good Mr. Byun, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us” a mysterious glint in his eyes had my toes curling.

“Hey Minzy, the text really suits you!” one of the girls harked in class and everyone’s attention turned to them. “When Professor Minseok walks into the room you’re happy right? And when he walks out you-“

“S-shut up!” the girl with ponytails kicked the seat in front of her as she turned tomato red. The whole class whistled teasing Minzy.

Professor Minseok smiled, shyly staring down at his feet rubbing the nape of his neck, as for Minzy, she buried her face in her palms hiding her embarrassed face.

“Girls, calm down” Sehun groaned getting a bit annoyed with the girls giggling.

“You’re just jealous Sehun that we’re not cooing over you anymore” one of the girls said that committed an offense against Sehun who threatened to throw his pencil case at them but Jongin managed to stop him.

“Why does Minseok oppa have to be so handsome and charming?” they cooed and it only turned Professor Minseok’s face redder and that girl who said it hid herself behind her book as the others teased her for calling Minseok an oppa instead of professor.

“Alright class, settle down” he looked and winked that had them squealing once more.

I rolled my eyes at the girls. It was getting in my nerves and moreover the fact that we could see Professor Minseok clearly enjoying the attention. I scoffed and began to plug in my earphones where I can find solitude.

My mood was broken.

Damnit, the way he winked though…it was...for the lack of a better term:  _flawless._

No matter how hard I try to look at him and hope he would give me any signs that he remembers me there was no budge. I would just sit there and be normal-teacher-zoned. This was really bothering me and I have to get the to bottom of this.

I will ask him later.

If he remembers last summer, then will I get peace. If he doesn’t remember me then I’ll just move on.

I'm afraid. It's something I couldn't get a grasp of. 

Afraid of  _what_  exactly?

if he does remember me then...what am I going to do? That’s something I’m going to figure out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Can you believe this? They charged me double for this burger!” Sehun plopped down his tray as Jongin happily munched his burger. I on the other hand had my eyes set on something else.

Ms. Hyorin was walking side by side Professor Minseok again and it made me wonder what their relationship was aside the fact Professor Minseok mentioned they were best friends. My eyes trailed them, never leaving his figure when a strong tap from a backhand on my back caught my attention.

“Hey Baek, aren’t you going to eat?” Jongin points at my untouched plate.

“Ah, yes I will. Just…” my eyes fixated on Ms. Hyorin who took a bite from Professor Minseok’s spoon and I felt my chest tighten in pain. I almost choked on my words. “Just…not that hungry”

If he was the same guy I met last summer, surely he wouldn’t have cheated on his girlfriend? If Ms. Hyorin  _is_  Professor Minseok’s girlfiend.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Goodbye Sir Ryeowook” I bowed, passing my papers at my English teacher who accepted it happily and bid me farewell.

Ah, that paper was a pain not because I had trouble in fixing my grammar in English but it was because my thoughts kept drifting to Ms. Hyorin and Professor Kim Minseok.

What is it with that man that he had this effect of driving me crazy? Byun Baekhyun, pull yourself together. Forget about him okay?

One, two…

Three.

I halted my steps stopping in front of Professor Minseok’s faculty room with his door left open.

_He’s not there?_

Temptation was calling me, seducing me to go inside and check it out. No, I will be a good student and I will not trespass. I promised I would just forget Professor Minseok.

Well, he left his door open. It’s not my fault that he did.

Heck, I’m going in.

Looking from left and right and gathering all my courage as soon as the coast was clear, I slipped into his office silently closing it. If anyone was to enter I would hear the doorknob twist first then I could hide somewhere.

It was a normal office, practically empty. It just had a large window behind covered with blinds, two large bookshelves on the left and a long couch on the right and of course what is an office without the teacher’s desk and chair.

_Aha!_

Maybe there was something here that could help me expose his identity and the mystery of last summer to be solved. A journal maybe that documented his travels?

I searched under the piles of papers on top of his desk found an item worth looking into. A brown journal buried below, this could be the key to find out if he really was the man I met in that bar. I cheered silently in my mind flipping the journal open searching for the date.

Just as I was about to reach the month I went away...

“Baekhyun?”

_Oh shit._

 

 

 

                                                                               

 

 

 


	4. CHAPTER THREE: There's something more to it.

 

   
  
   

 

 

 

                                  

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

**“Baekhyun?”**

_Oh my fucking –_ I abruptly spun around on my heel, my heart pounding fast in my chest like a lion struggling to escape from a cage. How did he get in here without me hearing the door open? Ah! What was he doing here? Obviously it’s his faculty room but damnit, Professor Kim Minseok, I’ve got caught goddamnit! Moreover, I was still holding his journal.

He is going to kill me for snooping around his stuff.

_How am I going to explain myself?_

“I-I uh…” stop stammering Byun Baekhyun, get a hold of yourself. Don’t act guilty already! Never give up. You can do this.

He was just staring at me, I couldn’t tell if it was in utter disbelief or he was just surprised and worried to see me in his faculty room. I couldn’t bear seeing him like this, seeing  _me_ like this like some thief in the night.

“I-I’m sorry” was all I could say before briskly brushing pass over him heading towards the closed door where I was ready to run as fast as I could. I can’t face him, not right now. Not  _ever_. Not after this.

As I was about to reach the door knob, I felt a powerful tug on my wrist, a spark that sent shivers everywhere in my body as he quickly spun me around to face him. Was I the only one who felt that static? Professor Minseok raised a quizzical brow at me. Of course, as a normal person one would question what I was doing in here without his permission.

“Hey wait a minute, I’m not going to bite. Was there something you needed?” he sounded so calm, I can’t believe it. He even managed to smile at me.

That godforsaken smile of his will be the death of me.

“I-I uh…” I cleared my throat gathering my thoughts properly “I-I was just” time to make a very lame excuse “Going to ask you about our reading assignment for the next meeting!”

“Oh, is that all?” Professor Minseok lets go of my wrist and heads over to his table carrying his coffee mug that exhumed this bittersweet fragrance.

“Well, I’ve got some Ryunosuke Akutagawa stories that I was planning to show you guys tomorrow” he said while digging in the pile of papers I just messed up and he didn’t seem to notice. Or he was mentally cursing me for it. “But I guess you came here earlier since you’re going for honors right?”

I laughed internally, completely relieved he wasn’t angry and he even managed to make a valid theory for an excuse of why I was here in the first place. Approaching me with a hand carrying the said story - ugh, even just coming to me he, the intimidating aura he was emitting was overwhelming. Sehun might be right, he might be a man from the mangas of Japanese people - I took the paper from him and he smiled.

“So, you’ll be on your way then?” he inquied returning to his table where he turned his back – those broad shoulders and his slender figure tempting me to grab hold of him from behind - fixing the papers and the journal in which he safely tucked in below it once more.

_The journal._

No, I’m not going to leave this room without answers. Even though it frightens me to ask him, I really, really need to know. Because I'm slowly losing my sanity.

“Professor?” I whispered but he didn’t seem to hear me, clearing my throat I spoke louder “Professor”

“Mmm?” hie hums. He didn't turn his head to look at me, but he tilted his head to acknowledge that I had his attention.

“I-I…wanted to ask you something er…sir” my fingers began to tremble and my cheeks began to warm a little. Am I really going to push through with this?

“Sure, I bet I have an answer”

_Here goes nothing,_ “Are you and Ms. Hyorin dating?”

_Oh my fucking god. I asked the wrong question._

This time, he turned his head raising a very curious and ridiculed brow “Huh? That’s a weird question”

“Nothing, I was just curious” I bit back my lip.

“No, we’re not dating” he threw his head back laughing. Oh how his hair flipped beautifully complimenting his melodious laughter “Did Yixing ask you to do this? Well, you could tell him there’s nothing going on between me and Hyorin and if has the hots for Hyorin then he can go and court her if he likes”

That wasn’t the intended question and the answer I expected, but it did make me happier knowing that there wasn’t anything between them for he sounds so assuring about their relationship.

Now comes the second question racing in my mind. So it’s proven that they aren’t dating, that means there’s nothing to be guilty or nothing to hinder Kim Minseok for doing anything he likes.

For example:  _making love to a completely stranger last summer._

This was the perfect time to ask him, we were both alone, there weren’t much people in the faculty either only Mr. Wu and Mr. Ryeowook and their offices were in the far end. Nobody will overhear our conversations unless they barge in without permission.

“I know this might be out of place to ask but…” I fumbled with my fingers in a painstakingly nervous manner “…may I ask what you did last summer?”

_Silence._

Did I make a bad move? Everything got more and more awkward while the silence prolonged every second. His eyes narrowed, staring at me like I muttered something straight gibberish like a foreigner in a foreign country. I regret asking him the question, it’s not going anywhere.

“What are you talking about?” he sounded very concerned of my well being.

“You don’t remember anything?” I needed to continue this, I’m not just going to leave it there without knowing the truth if he knows or not. I know he's hiding something, I can feel it.

“Like what? I have so many memories of summer vacation” he snorted shaking his head at my ridiculousness.

“A particular happening in summer…?”

“Mr. Byun, get to the point already. I can’t answer you if you’re being vague about it” he leaned over to the table crossing his arms over his chest “Enlighten me”

Why does he have to smirk at me like that? His stance, his shoulders, his earring,  _everything_  about him just made my stomach tingle a weird sensation. I was speechless, I didn’t know how to say it to him, how to start this ridiculous story that maybe I've just conjured up in my wildest dreams.

I had to do the only way I can to get information out from him.

Without resisting my repressed urges, I approached him and pressed my lips over his, hoping  _this_ would  _enlighten him_. God, the way our lips met , it sent waves of surging electricity throughout my whole body. My mind went blank, my heart beating faster and faster the longer I pressed onto that soft lips of his. It was all too vaguely familiar.

I could tell he was astonished the way his body tipped over back almost losing balance, luckily his hands found the desk propping himself up preventing himself to fall while I on the other hand, lost mine and our chests crashed together. Oh how my eyes fell as I relished the taste of him. His lips tasted of candy, jellybeans of every flavors anyone could think of with a mix of his bittersweet coffee. 

I was drowning. Drowning in this pool of warmth in my cheeks, the taste of his lips, his intoxicating scent. Slowly I was being transported into another world, into -

My eyes fluttered open. I was extremely disbelieved and shocked that I shoved myself off from him. His eyes were so wide and I couldn’t tell if it was also from disbelief or horror that I just did that to him.

_Scared._ I've never been so scared and ashamed in my life.

“I-I’m” how could I do this? “I-I’m…s-sorry”

_I am so stupid. Very stupid._

Why did I do that? What a dick move!

I couldn’t bear see his face.

It’s like I was the most disgusting thing he ever saw in the universe.

So without further hesitation, I pulled the door open barging outside and ran out through the hallways like there was no tomorrow.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Hey buddy, you alright?”

“Please let me in Sehun”

That night, I couldn’t stay at home. I couldn’t sleep for godsakes, I needed someone to be there with me and help me preoccupy my mind with something else. I knew if I went to Sehun’s place, he’d just give me video games to play with and video games never fail to help me be distracted.

A couple of beers weren’t so bad either.

“Are you…okay?” Sehun’s left eye twitched as I chugged down the third soju in my hand – which I drank without stopping.

“Who, me?” I hiccoughed grinning foolishly at Sehun “Yes! Of course I am!”

“I think you’d be better if I take that soju from you”

“No! Get your own!”

“I would if I could, if only you didn’t  _finish them all_ ” he gestures to the empty bottles of soju in front of us.

“Oh hush it, let’s just play motherfucking Grand Theft Auto dude!” I went back pressing the buttons on my controller as my character hits and runs  over a person “Yeah! Kill that dude! Kill that dude!”

“Baekhyun…I think you need some sleep, I am deeply concerned” Sehun reached his hand out to me trying to calm me down but to no avail. I just flailed my arms to keep him from touching me, “On second thought sure! Keep on killing that poor man on the road with your bulldozer of a car”

That night, I slept over in Sehun’s house. I was too drunk to go home so Sehun coerced my mother that I should just sleepover in his house. Thank goodness though, with their bickering, my head would hurt twice as more than it is now with what I did with Kim Minseok.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You know Baekhyun, I’m really deeply concerned for you” Sehun rubbed the nape of my neck as we huddled over my desk with a curious Jongin drumming his fingers. My hangover was not helping me in my mood to talk to them either.

“Tell it to me already! What happened last nigh Sehun?” Jongin impatiently shook Sebroody.

“Sehun, please don’t” I covered myself with the collar of my uniform like a snail hiding inside its shell. What I did last night was embarrassing.

Sehun told me the moment we went to his room I was kissing the pillow until my saliva made a permanent mark on it and not only that, he said I was moaning. Sehun thought it was because I was hurting from all the soju I drank but when I heard it from him I knew exactly what I was thinking and it only made me feel more ashamed of myself.

The gossips were cut short when his dreaded figure came inside carrying his satchel and papers. I didn’t look at him but when I did get a glance, he looked  _very_ different; his eyes were bloodshot, his face as white as a sheet, his usual perfectly ironed necktie was not even tied properly and his hair was messier than ever.

Is this the result of the storm I caused yesterday?

“Sorry I’m late class, I was…caught in traffic” he brushed his hair up letting out a heavy sigh digging deep into his bag.

I frowned at the sight of him and I vow not to torment him any longer so the whole period I kept my eyes on his desk rather than his face as he exhaustedly discussed the story for today. And I could tell he also wasn’t looking at me due to hearing Jongin cursing beside me on how Professor Minseok was never taking a glance at our side whenever he raises his hands to recite in class. For all I know, it’s mainly because of me.

At the cafeteria where I would usually look at him, I was surprised not to even see him sit in the teacher’s table beside Professor Hyorin who happily munched on her meal.

One of the girls near our table wondered – like me – where did our handsome professor go?

“I heard he went out of school to eat” one said loud enough for me to hear her perfectly.

“I wish I knew where! I could’ve eaten outside too instead of eating this overpriced cafeteria junk”

_Was I the cause of this too?_

Ugh, very dumb move Baekhyun. Dumb move.

Now you’ve just ruined a teacher because of your delusion.

_Stupid, stupid me._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

A few days have passed and it was the same thing over and over. We would never have any eye contact nor would we even speak to each other unless he calls out for the attendance. We would never even cross paths. If I see him coming towards the hallways I would immediately change my route just for to prevent him from seeing me. I don’t also want to risk seeing him scoff or glare at me or even see him runaway from just the mere sight of me too.

I hate to admit it, but I miss catching him looking at me. When I do get a chance to stare at him, I would always go back into staring at his pink lips and unknowingly I would poke mine as if I was reliving the taste of it.

It was odd at first when I started to day dream about Professor Minseok. I used to just think about Professor Minseok for the sole reason of solving the mystery of last summer but as time went by, the more and more he crosses my mind, the more and more I began to...look at him differently. 

I began to admire his unusual brown eyes, the way his thin lips moved, the way he twists and turns. I grew fond of his annoying high pitch voice too in all honesty. And his shoulders, his broad shoulders were breath taking as well.

And the more and more I absorb the little things about him, I have started to grow and develop this strange feeling.

I think…

I think I'm starting to like him.

I think I like Professor Kim Minseok more than I know.

And now, I’m stuck hating myself because I know I’ll never be able to talk to him.

I guess this was a blessing to me, an important note that I should forget about him and just get through my senior life.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Baekhyun, we’re going to my house and play Resident Evil, want to come with?” Sehun said by the doorway of the classroom with some of our other classmates.

I held up my broom and dustpan and they got the message clearly, “I can’t, it’s my turn for cleaning day”

“Oh I see. Catch up later if you still want to come” and with that, they slid the door close and went on their way to Sehun’s house.

“Okay, I’ll just be here cleaning” I told myself and began to arrange the chairs. These girls really, they never learn how to bring back the chairs to it’s original place. They always have to arrange it in a circle like they have a secret group or a cult or something and to be fair, my other boy classmates never learned how to throw the trash to the actual waste bins either.

Cleaning duty was boring. I never liked being neat. So to make my time worthwhile and somehow be fun, I turned on the music from my cellphone and got it on shuffle. Music after music I was able to clean the classroom swift and tidy without any distractions. Feeling proud of myself, I took off the cleaning apron and shoved the broom and dustpan back in the broom closet.

The massive amount of dust particles from the closet sent me sneezing that it deafened my ears for a moment without realizing that someone had already slipped into the room.

“Bless you”

Like it was already programmed in me, I once more leapt at the sound of his voice and I quickly turned around and saw his unamused face. Frankly, I think he was used to seeing me always frightened like this.

_What is he doing here?_

I didn’t know what to say. It’s been a week since we last spoke with each other or even looked at each other in the eye ever since that day when I shamelessly kissed him in his office. The closest thing we ever had to interact was the attendance sheets.

Do you sometimes wish you could bang your head with a frying pan when remembering the most ridiculous and embarrassing moment of your life? I wanted it to happen to me right now,

I shook off that thought and began to ask myself this question:  _What does he want?_

He was just standing there, his left hip leaning onto the desk beside him still holding that unreadable blank expression. I have no idea what he was thinking about nor have any idea what he was doing, all I know was I just wanted to slowly turn around and avert my eyes from him.

Slowly turning my head to face the broom cabinet, I was alarmed when I was suddenly being pulled to be spun around and pushed against the wall. I let out a sharp gasp wincing at the pain on my back when it got in contact with the cold wall.

I gasped for air as he began to press his chest harder onto mine as if he wanted to suffocate me against the wall. He buried his face on the crook of my neck which made me shudder in both fear and delight as his hot breath blew onto my sensitive skin. I gulped, feeling his hand snake around my waist pulling me closer to him as he lifted his head over to my ears.

“I do remember…” he whispered so intimately close to my blushing ears. His hot breath had my knees grow weak. I was going to melt in his arms any moment if he keeps on pressing onto me like this.

“W-what…do you…remember” I gasped and bucked up the moment his lips pressed on my neck. I swallowed hard.

“This” he hardened his kiss on my neck, sucking every patch of new skin being exposed as he pulled down my collar, his lips wet traveled everywhere wanting to leave hickeys like some territorial dog. He must’ve felt me weaken in his arms for he pulled me up adjusting my legs to hang on his waist.

I wanted to push him away. What if people catches us pinned together like a sandwich by the wall?

He clicked his tongue shaking his head, sensing me harden as he pressed harder _._  “You’re a naughty one aren’t you?”

His hands then began to unbutton my shirt opening it, exposing my chest and stomach in which he dove in to peck butterfly kisses. A pool of uncontrollable sensation in my stomach swirled inside.

It felt like  _this_. Exactly like this.

My blood was boiling hot as it rushed through every course of my veins like the speed of light. This was wrong, this was really, really wrong.

So wrong, but it felt all oh so good.

The moment he went to press on the buttons of my pants, I knew I had to stop him. I yanked his hair back gripping it tightly to catch his attention and there, I felt myself shiver in fear.

_Those eyes._ His eyes were filled with nothing but lust, delight and  _need_. He looked as if he had won a secret bet between us. He knew I've lost the moment I kissed him and "stiffened" for him and now, I've fallen into his trap.

“What’s the fuss?” he asked it in a hoarse whispering voice almost a dark melodious sing-song.

“Y-you remember” my voice was now but a faint whisper. I didn’t even know I could sound like that.

Minseok pressed his chin onto my chest, staring up at me a lustful grin forming on the edge of his lips. “I tried my best to forget about it”

“F-forget?”

“Mhmm” he hummed, the vibration of his throat tickled my stomach only making my core harden more and more. Ah, with just that simple act I was already this hard for him, goddamnit. "You see, when I saw you the first day you came to school I knew you looked very familiar, until I saw your flushing face then I instantly recognized you” 

Professor Minseok sighed, slowly putting me down to the ground but he never stopped cornering me, his eyes resides in giving me a lazy look. He placed each of his hands beside my head so that I couldn’t escape if I had any intention to.

“It’s been a long time, I didn’t even have the slightest memory about that night until I saw you. only then did everything came back to me. After that, I keep trying to forget all about it since I’m going to be your teacher” he then pinched my cheeks with his hands so I could look at him directly in the eyes. “But you just had to keep on showing up everywhere. Tempting me with that always flustered face of yours” he began to take my mouth into his tongue gliding over the bottom of my lip. “And when I thought I could handle everything by just remaining calm, you just had to show up and **_kiss_** me right?”

Minseok then pulled me close dragging me to a nearby desk where he pins my back on it as he straddled on top of me. My eyes began to see flashes of images of the same scene when we were in that hotel. I could hear the heavy breathing, the sound of rapid shifting under the sheets.

_This isn’t happening. Not here, not in school._

_Not now._

_But...I couldn't find any urge to stop him._

Minseok slipped his leg in between mine pressing his thigh over my core where I bucked up, overwhelmed at the action. He stopped my surprised groans with another kiss in hopes to shut me up and muffle me from further moaning. There it was again, that intoxicating taste of his made my eyes roll back completely shut. My hands automatically clung to his neck letting my head hung, our lips were so glued together that we didn't break even when pulling his head up. He smelled so good that it filled my head with so much wonder.

He pulled away from the kiss and I was sent back crashing my head onto the desk hard. He arched himself back to get a better look at me from the top. My hands automatically, as if begging then travelled onto his well built stomach, to his chest wherein he wrenched my wrists back onto the desk. 

“Why do you tempt me with that face of yours?” he grumbles, almost frustratingly more to himself than to me.

Minseok then pushes himself away from me and turns around fixing his collar and tie and when he did so, I caught a glimpse of the cold breeze. Am I sweating?

Getting fresh air, I pulled myself up to look at his broad shoulders.

“Let me ask you this question” he said still not turning his back from me “Why  _do_ you want to know if I remembered what we did last summer?”

 Actually at first I just wanted to know if he remembered me. But now, I was not entirely sure why.

“I just wanted to know if you remembered me”

“Is that all?” Professor Minseok gave me a disappointed look as he adjusted his neck tie.

“W-well…yeah,”

“Nothing else?”

_Was there something else?_

Professor Minseok stared at me for a long while before bursting out in laughter, placing his hands over his hips shaking his head in negation.

“Holy shit, you don’t remember!”

_Remember? Remember what?! Was there more to it than having sex with you!?_

I didn’t trust my voice so I just shook my head telling him a no.

“Wha-what do you mean?” I sat up straight wanting to hear what he has to say.

“It’s the past. Nothing to worry about” he came close buttoning up my shirt for me then he abruptly tugs my uniform close enough that our lips would touch any moment if we move. “Let’s just leave it all behind shall we? I’d rather we forget it, all of this, starting from what happened last summer, arraseo?”

He lets go of me and placed a teasing smirk as he started dusting himself. I just sat on top of that desk trying to catch my breath.

_What was that?_

It was unbelievable. I could feel my whole body trembling to the point that it was getting uncontrollable. Did the room just get hotter or is it just me? I didn’t know how to describe it but…

“It’s best we forget arraseo?” Professor Minseok stood by the door peaking over to look at me. “Tomorrow, we go on with our lives as a teacher and a student. Nothing more”

_W-wait! I need to know what happened. I need to know why-_

“Goodbye Byun Baekhyun, it was nice seeing you again” he gave a mischievous smirk then closed the sliding door behind him leaving a speechless startled me.

When he walked out of the room, I didn’t know how to describe it but, the way he held me, the way he kissed me, looked at me...

_There was just something more to it._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Who was he really? What kind of person is he? He is a stranger I met in the bar yes that is given, but what more is there to him besides that he is a professor in my school?

So, I went to everyone’s best friend: Google where I searched his name.

“Kim Minseok”

I typed it on the words and there were numerous data entries and pictures on the internet. There were ahjusshis, children and I couldn’t see any entry other than being a Professor in my school right now. I sighed, leaning back on my chair.

_Was there another keyword to find this guy?_

Then I remembered the first day I went to school he wanted us to call him Professor  _Xiumin_  and that’s what I typed on the search bar. Upon pressing enter, there were various sites containing his name all labelled:  _Searching for Xiumin_ , 25, and many other descriptions about him. I opened a couple of tabs before I delved into the google images where I found every picture of his was either taken down or blurred and same goes to the websites which automatically blocked me off.

Now, this was really stirring my curiosity.

_Who is Kim Minseok and who is Xiumin anyway?_

What did he do before?

“Baekhyun hyung!”

Jongin called out, running towards me from the field. I quickly closed my laptop, smiling brightly at the team captain of the Baseball Club.

“Jongin-ssi what’s up?”

“Me and the guys” he pointed over to the group of men sprinting across the field “were planning on grabbing some dinner after our practice so I guess I won’t be able to go by Sehun’s house. If you want, you can come with us and hang-out and I’ll just call up Sehun”

I peered down on my laptop, the blinking light tempting me to open it. Kim Minseok was truly getting overboard with getting me all worked up and paranoid that I was grateful to hear Jongin's offer. Maybe a time with the Baseball Team Captain can help clear my thoughts.

“Sure, I’ll come with you guys and eat dinner,” I smiled “I still have a lot of time so, I’ll just use my laptop as I wait for you guys”

“Sure! I’ll tell the guys” Jongin jumped from the bleachers and ran across the field to meet up with the others high-fiving them.

Now that Jongin left, I opened my laptop returning on my progress. I needed to talk to Professor Minseok but I won’t allow it to be in the faculty room or else someone would barge in on us, and of course, I will not allow us to be seen talking in the classroom. Sehun, Jongin and the other girls would raise suspicions and will surely enjoy the heavy blend of intrigue and be thoroughly inquisitive about us. Now, I wouldn't want that.

I need to talk to him alone. Somewhere like…

_Aha!_

I clicked on one of the links in the class offerings sections of our website where the list of Professors who has tutoring lessons after class could be found. I could enroll in one of his tutoring classes and there I would bombard him with the questions.

With one click, I quickly rushed to the registrar’s office.

“Professor Kim Minseok’s six o’clock please” I said to the registrar lady who chewed on her bubble gum “I enrolled in his six o’clock class”

“Ah, tutor?” the lady asked and I nodded earnestly “You’ll pay an extra since after class tutoring is outside of school, you know that right?”

_What? Outside school?_

“P-pardon me?”

“Yes! Didn’t you read the description?” she glares at me when pulling out a paper, sliding it under the glass that separated us wherein I picked it up and began to read it “Kid, you picked a tutorial after class and since our school classrooms close by five forty-five, we don’t have any open rooms for the professor and the student to conduct tutorials, so you have to meet up with Professor Kim Minseok and discuss where you two should have your tutorials”

_Chincha!? Really?_

And here I thought I was just going to use my element of surprise and bombard him about it but now, I have to actually _arrange_  the surprise meet up. He’ll think I’m setting this up because I wanted to see him again for  _other_ reasons.

This does not bode well.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“The school’s rooftop? Really?” Professor Kim Minseok sounded so downhearted brow as he placed his things behind the large crates where I had arranged them to look like walls secluding us from the open space.

Ah! It’s so cold, why did I choose our session to be up here?

“I-I have no other place where I know we could easily meet up” I was shivering from the cold gust blowing through my skin.

He sighed, scratching the back of his head “Well, at least it’s quiet up here”

Professor Minseok took out a huge book for Literature opening it to browse any stories that he could find. It didn’t take a while before he raised his head as  he sensed that I was feeling uneasy and a little anxiety visible in plaguing my face. He grinned at me with a knowing gaze.

“What?”

“Nothing, I’m just waiting” I said plainly, successfully hiding the nervousness of my voice.

He chuckled “Really now?”

My face flushed, he’s onto me. “Yes really”

“You sure there’s _nothing else_  you want to get out from this tutoring?” he rested his chin on his knuckles “You specifically picked  _me_ when there’s three of us tutoring professors who has Literature lessons”

“It’s because I know you more than I know them” safe answer, safe answer.

“Do you?” he gave me a teasing playful grin. I only meant I know him more than the random teachers, but he’s diving into the idea that  _I know him_  as who  _he_ iswhich is exactly the reason why I was here.

To get to know the  _real him_.

I can sense him playing the game and I won’t back down from it. I will attack him headstrong and get straight to the point, I will not leave here learning about Romeo and Juliet.

“What is your goal Byun Baekhyun, I can see it in your eyes that you have one”

“My goal?" I narrowed my eyes, challenging him. “My goal is to know”

“To know what?”

“What really happened last summer and to know  _who you really are_ Professor Minseok, Xiumin, whatever!”

He smirked rubbing down his palms on his face “I thought I told you that we drop this, but I guess I wasn’t clear enough”

Taking the book in his hands, he skimmed through it before closing it in his hands. He sighed, raising his head to direct his eyes onto mine. I faced him with a stoic look, unmoved even though deep inside I wanted to scream into the night sky heavens of how much I wanted to get this unnerving feeling off from me.

He bit his lip, “It’s a very clever thing Byun Baekhyun what you did to get me as your tutor. Seeing you so persistent on what happened, I will tell you the story”

I wasn't entirely sure to trust this. I knew there was more to it. “So, what’s the catch?”

_There is always a catch._

“I’m glad you asked” he leans back on the crate wall behind him crossing his leg over the other while folding his hands on top of his lap, breathing in the cold night deeply “Here’s the thing, let’s make it both interesting and educational”

_I don’t know what he’s thinking but I’m in, I will not go down without a fight._

“I’ll give you thirty minutes to read this story” he held out a three pager story in his hands “I will ask you a question from it. When you get it right, I will tell you what happened last summer”

“And if I get it wrong?”

He swatted the nothingness in the air his forehead creasing. “Nah, I don’t think you can handle it. Let’s just study-“

“What if I get the wrong answer? What will the consequence be!” I slammed my palms onto the table-like crate in between us. He’s teasing me, it’s getting on my nerves! I can’t take this. The agony and anxiety of not knowing anything about him and what had happened is suffocating me already.

“I will do whatever it takes!”

He cocked a brow up, “You will?”

_I shouldn’t have said that._ The way the corners of his mouth curved and that mysterious twinkle in his eyes were not a good sign.

“This technique of teaching that I have developed will certainly give you the power to study hard” his voice was small and raw “Believe me, it will push you to your limits”

I gulped down a heavy chunk of saliva. Well, ain't this reassuring. I nodded as he continued, listening intently to every word he has to say “Whatever it is, I am up for it”

“Good. As I’ve said, if you get an answer correct, I will tell you a piece of the story so aim everything to be correct because I only have ten questions”

“And the consequence for getting the wrong answer?”

“You will take off one by one per wrong answer a piece of your clothing”

 

 

 

                                                                               

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naughty Minseok or naughty Baek?
> 
> I say both huehuehue
> 
> COMMENTS ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED <3 I LOVE READING YOUR THOUGHTS :">


	5. CHAPTER FOUR: Half-Empty

 

   
  
   

 

 

 

                               

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

**“C-come again?”** I instantly froze in my seat, that haughty mask of mine quickly crumbling down exposing a rather shameful and frightened version of myself.

“Already?” he chuckled. A sexual joke. Seriously? I glared at him for quite a long time before he got my irritated message, “You heard me” he threw his head back onto the crate, staring up to the twilight sky the vast ocean of darkness was slowly eating the periwinkle sunlight. He runs a hand through his hair revealing that beautiful forehead of his “If you commit a wrong answer, you take off one of your clothes”

“Ten questions!? If I get them wrong I’ll be left without anything on!” I stared at my clothing to find my uniform, my pants, my belt, my shoes and socks, bracelet and my underwear – god I hope it doesn’t come to that – as the only things coveringmy body. If I exceed seven wrong answers, I will be left with nothing!

I should have worn a jacket and a couple of bling-blings today.

“If you won’t agree to the terms, then sorry! We’re not going to discuss about last summer” he leaned forward to the book in between us. “Now, about the lesson-“

Using my index finger, I lifted his chin to look me in the eyes. Determination filled me. I didn’t come all this way only for my objective to be shoved away. I came here to extract information and no  _game_  is going to hinder me from obtaining it.

Moreover, I need to get that information now before I go out to dinner with Jongin and his baseball teammates.

“Challenge accepted”

“Now, you’re speaking my language”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_How did it come to this?_

I barely have anything on right now. I only have my underwear and my pants on. I can’t believe I got the wrong answers six times in a row!

“Another piece off again?” Professor Minseok grinned, his chin rested on his knuckles eyeing me with those lurid eyes of his as if I was some kind of prey under a lion’s hungry gaze. Just by the mere fact of his eyes, I felt like he was stripping me blindly already.

I felt my cheeks heat up as I hesitantly slid my shirt off. The wind’s cold breath tickled my skin sending me waves of the blasted cold as I shivered before it.  If I keep going and get the wrong answers, I don’t know whether I’ll take off my underwear first so that I could still be covered with my pants or take my pants first and expose my underwear. Hell, that’d be awkward as fuck. While I was sitting here all worked up and worried for my life, Kim Minseok was rather enjoying himself.

“Baekhyun, are you even trying? You’re already half-naked!” he clicked his tongue. I know what he meant about it. He thinks I'm doing this willingly? Hell no!

“Four more questions to go and you only have two life savers, you know you can just give up now and wear your clothes back. You don’t want to study being naked in the cold rooftop at night right?” Kim Minseok bit his lips licking the bottom part of it “Or, you’re really committing errors because you so badly want to strip?"

_I didn't ask for this!_

Should I just give up now and leave the mystery already? I can’t bare the thought of Minseok keep on boggling my mind, it’ll haunt me forever if I never find out about the truth! If I keep on going…who knows what will happen. Will he embarrass me? Leave me here in the cold? Or-

My eyes followed his tongue gliding over his lips as if he was seducing me the longer I watched. No, I have to get my game on. I need to win even just once.

“I will keep going” I slammed my palm on top of his book.

“Alright then” he took the paper in his hands looking at me then to the paper then back at me twisting that pencil over his fingers as he searched for a question “Ah, here I have one”

He encircles something from the paper. I held my breath, anticipating what's the question.

“I hope you remember this Byun Baekhyun. It’s a  _vital_ question”

Inhaling and clearing my mind, I conditioned myself, getting ready for the question. If I ace this, I’ll have an information drawn out from him. If I don’t, well…I don't want to imagine.

“According to the short chapter of the Little Prince you read, what was the one thing the Little Prince loved to watch the most?”

_What did he loved to watch the most, what **did**  he love to watch the most?_

I tapped my fingers as I stared up the sky hoping I could find answers. This is killing me, I need to know the answer for this one!

“Take your time Byun Baekhyun, take your time” he chuckled, browsing through the book he brought out “Your clothes depend on it” he was oblivious that I shot him a look of irritation when he stuck his nose onto the pages of the book.

The Little Prince mentioned a lot of things he loved and the only thing coming into ming was his little rose he cares for so fondly. But I know, it wasn't the rose. It was something else.

What is something that could mesmerize a child?

“The sunset” I blurted out hoping it was a good guess. Professor Kim Minseok didn’t look up to me as he continued to hum so I screamed it to catch his attention “The Sunset, the Little Prince loves to watch the sunset!”

Kim Minseok raised his eyes at me. He was quiet for the moment and only the echoes of my heart pounding hard in my chest could be heard, did I get it wrong? Did I get it right?

“Yes, the sunset” he responded, a twinge of congratulations in his tone and I mentally rejoiced in my head. Thank god I got it right this time.

“Yes!” I fist pumped the air.

“The sunset,” he said that made me shut up and listen to him. Was he going to tell me a portion of the story now? His eyes were directed at the sky while his finger poked his lip “The sunset was the first thing you talked to me about and the last thing we watched before we went back inside the bar” after that, he gave a long pause “Next question”

“Wait, what?” I blinked hard. Bewilderment rising from the cockles of my mind. “That’s it? That’s the story I got from answering a question?”

“Yes, and I congratulate you for getting one”

“But that doesn’t explain  _anything_! You gave me a _sentence_ of the story, I need to know more!”

“Well, you have three more attempts to get the rest. Too bad you missed the first six questions. Piecing up the sentences would’ve been much more fun” Professor Minseok snorted, flipping a page. He raised his brows as he found a new question from the page.

_Goddamnit._ I have three attempts. Three sentences to piece up the story. Three questions that separates me from the truth. I have to get this right. I need to. I want to. I have to.

“It’s a good thing you answered that right Baekhyun, you get to keep your remaining clothes on” he teased which earned him an admonishing glare from me, but he ignored it “Now, the next question is, in the Little Prince, who is the Tippler?”

_Tippler, Tippler, Tippler._

I know this one. A Tippler is…

“A Tippler in English is a habitual drunkard so that means, he’s a drinker” I said and I was very confident about it. Thank you Professor Ryeowook for always giving us English vocabularies!

“Ding-ding! That’s correct” Professor Minseok clapped his hands. “The Tippler is a drunkard who drinks to  _forget_. That night, after we watched the sunset we went inside the bar where we toasted to forgive and forget everything drinking to our hearts content”

“Forgive and forget?” I cocked a brow, “What did we do to toast something like that? What did we talk about? How did we meet?”

He shook his head in negation “Hey, I’m the one who’s asking questions. If you need answers dear inquisitor, I will tell it to you if you get the questions right”

I was getting really impatient that I didn’t realize I slammed my fists on the crate in front of us, leaning towards him with flaring eyes. I fumed, my ears turning red with all the irritation I had cooped up inside me for the past eight questions. He was toying with me, he doesn’t want to expose the truth, no. He just gives away meaningless stories that will forever boggle my mind!

“Whoa there tiger” he placed a very warm palm over my shoulder that sent electricity to surge across my body. His hands were so warm that the cold air that brushed against my bear skin were instantly blocked off. He pushed me back down but I didn’t let him, trying my best to repress his hand.

“Professor, I need to know” I demanded.

He grins with eyes puncturing through mine “What if I don’t want to?”

_Seriously!?_ I scoffed. I'm getting tired with these stupid teasing games. If I continue, I will surely be naked on top of here and who knows if he’ll blackmail me. Still, I don’t trust him and I just want a quick answer.

“I need to know please”

He shook his head.

_Argh!_ I pushed him pinning his back on the crates as I leapt. “Why? Why aren’t you telling me? What’s the big deal?!”

“I think you better quiet down”

“Tell me first!”

“Baekhyun”

“Don’t  _Baekhyun_ me! Answer me! What happened!?" I was yelling at his face until my lungs would burst.

“Baekhyun. Stop”

“What did you mean by all of those things? What happened? Just tell me so I could be in peace!” I was basically shouting at him now, not caring whether he was older than me, not caring if all my spit was all over his face. He was pissing me off real bad.

Professor Minseok winced, his smile disappearing. He abruptly shoved me aside standing up from his seat. He brushed his sleeves and adjusted his collar before shooting me a narrow look. Minseok clicked his tongue before packing his stuff, “Tutorial’s over. See you next week” he closed his suitcase and grabbed his books before turning his back to me and stepped away from the crates.

_Hell no you’re going away!_

I jumped to my feet, putting on my shirt and chased him just as his hands grab onto the metallic door. I grabbed his wrist and instantly with his incredible brute force jerked my hands off of him. I went to grab his suitcase next but with a mere force of pushing me away, it sent me flying and tumbling down on my bum. I didn’t stop there though, I raced to the door and stood guarding it. I will not let him pass through. Kim Minseok glared, never missing a step as he tried to push me off from the exit door.

“I won’t let you go. Not until I get all the answers, even if I have to fight you to the death, I would” I groaned, struggling to win this fight.

He looked me straight in the eyes, those cold, dark brown eyes were blank. I couldn’t read his face and it frightened me. What could he be thinking? What could he be saying in his thoughts? Recollecting myself, I relaxed and tried to give him a small smile.

“If you could tell me…” I muttered quietly closing my eyes “I would appreciate it if you could tell me what happened and I promise, I will no longer torment you”

He shoved his hand in his pocket for a moment, staring off into the sky. The rooftop fell silent for a very long time – except the cars and the wind that started picking up – and it made me all the while nervous. He didn’t take his eyes off from the horizon not until I stated to speak.

“Professor-“

“You shouldn’t have made me your tutor” he whispers as the words on his tongue fell silent. His eyes returned darting onto mine, a flicker of regret filled his expression “I shouldn’t have talked to you in the classroom” he shook his head in negation, sighing heavily as he started pushing me aside, continuing on to lash out all of the sadness that echoed in his voice recalling everything that had to do with last summer “I shouldn’t have told you that I remembered. I shouldn’t have pursued. You shouldn’t have kissed me. I shouldn’t have-“

Regret. It was obvious in his tone. The calm mask he was wearing, shattered.

What was there to regret? What happened to us last summer?

“Professor Minseok-“

He grabbed the door’s metallic handle and froze in place. He stood there, like a statue. Not making even a single inch of movement. I wanted him to turn around to look at me, to talk to me. Tell me what was wrong. Why was he saying these things all of a sudden?

“I want  _you_  to forget everything” he whispered under his breath, quietly enough that I couldn’t hear much. “ _I_ want…to forget  _everything_ ”

“Professor-“ he cuts me off when he spun around and the face he made…it made my heart sink. His eyes pinched, almost as if he looked tired. Tired of his thoughts. Tired of himself.

Tired of seeing  _me_.

Why is he acting this way? What did we do last summer that he wants to forget?

“If I tell you…” he spoke slowl,y his voice was exasperated as if he didn’t want to even say these things out but managed to convince himself to do it. “What would you do?”

“In all honesty..." I mumbled more to myself than to him. I stared down to my feet and bowed my head unsure whether I had answers. "I don’t know…”  

What if I do learn about the truth? What then? If I learn it, will I be happy about it? Be ashamed about it? Maybe that’s why Professor Minseok doesn’t want me to know. Maybe he’s just saving me from my own embarrassment?

“Why did you kiss me?”

Now that was a question I don't think I'll be able to answer right now. My heart stopped and instantly my face spread warmth with nervous fingers clawing the nape of my neck. What am I going to tell him?

I don’t know what I feel for Professor Minseok. I've tried convincing myself that all of these thoughts about him, were just created because of the problems I've been facing everyday with the neglect from my mom and dad's love. I convinced myself that this was the effect of loneliness, abandonment that I was searching for something to find as a distraction.

Do I really like him? I barely even know him. And yet everything he does, it makes me happy. 

When he smiles, when he speaks, when he walks into the room. I just feel so... _contented._

I've noticed that ever since I started to notice all his little things. Ever since he crossed my mind, I wasn't just starting to piece the puzzles of the mystery of last summer by finding more about him but I found myself starting to want to know more about him for I was slowly...getting attracted to him. 

Whenever he’s away, he takes my happiness with him and I am left with nothing. I feel empty, hollow even but deep down, I’m confused to what it is. Maybe what I feel for him is just lust? Is it because we had sex that I feel somewhat attached to him? Connected? Is it because we had something special that night that I suddenly feel responsible of looking out for him, search for him… _care_  for him?

Noticing that I didn’t respond for quite a long time, he frowns and started to reach back to the handle of the door not until the weirdest took place. I was shocked to see my hand unknowngly went to grab his arm and pull him back tugging him gently as if my muscles were involuntarily calling him back and stay. To stay with  _me_.

Professor Minseok cocked a bewildered brow up, fluttering his eyes to me awaiting for an explanation. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Not even a small peep of a noise escaped from my lips. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. Why  _did_  I pull him back?

Was I scared that he was going to leave me here alone like he did last time in the hotel room? In the classroom where he left me dazed and clueless? Am I scared knowing that he is thinking of Ms. Hyorin? Was I scared that I wouldn’t have an opportunity like this to be alone with him after tonight? Or was I really, really just a desperate son of a bitch that wants Professor Kim Minseok?

Either way, I couldn't comprehend my actions right now. I was confused. Confused of everything because of one man in front of me. My mind was slowly getting disoriented.

Unaware of how it happened, I unconsciously pushed him to the wall and took his lips into mine. My eyes closed and tasted every bit of the sweet intoxicating flavour of his mouth. I felt his muscles tense and once again I snapped back to reality opening my eyes in pure shock and saw his face reflecting the same image of what I felt at the moment.

I felt horrible, harrowing, disgusted with myself. I covered my mouth with my wrist trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I’m embarrassed, ashamed, apologetic everything you could say from a very idiotic act I just committed. Anything that could take back what I just did to him. Once again, I attacked him, invaded his personal space all because I was desperate to know. Desperate to find out the truth.

Desperate to get this surging feeling off from my chest.

Desperate to satisfy the "lust" I feel towards him.

“I-I’m so, so, sorry” my voice sounded weak, regretful, remorseful. _Pathetic._  “I’m sorry professor”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see his reaction. I know he would be pissed, horrified and heck, I was just waiting for the metallic doors of the rooftop to open and slam right in front of me. I would be relieved if that would happen but it would come with a price and that price would be exchanged with me never ever to be able to talk to him again.

I'll be fine with that. I prefer him avoiding me rather than hating me. But...I don't think I can handle it.

A minute or so had passed and there was no sound of the door opening and slamming. Instead, what happened next took me by surprise.

My eyes opened at the rush of electricity bolting from his lips brushing over mine. He cupped my face with his free hand pulling me closer deepening the kiss. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening, I thought he was going to get angry and leave me here and yet, here he was with his eyes closed and our lips touching.

Why did he kiss me? I thought he never wanted to do anything with me? I thought he wants to forget? All of those questions immediately vanished when my mind became hazy and the world spun around and my heart overflowed with blood pumping all over my body and my eyes shut at the moment the blood came rushing to my head.

My palms began to sweat, I felt myself weaken and second by second I was melting. I heard him drop his suitcase and with the other free hand he pulled me just in time before I could fall off from breaking our kiss. He wrapped his arm around my waist allowing more access, pushing his mouth harder that grew more and more impatient and chaste kisses. I couldn’t stand properly, his scent intoxicated me. It was like, I was under his spell and there was no way of reversing it.

He broke our kiss to look at me. His eyelids were half closed and his face was white as a sheet. A trickle of sweat fell from his temples and his lips were left wet with both of our aggressive kissing – he shook his head, not wanting to believe what he had done, but found himself leaning into another kiss. He took off once again pecking my lips thrice before finally letting go. He gently pushes me away and tried his best to avoid my gaze as he picked up his briefcase.

I had so many questions to ask him, but based from his actions, I think I should save them for another day. He packed his belongings and adjusted his tie, clearing his throat after. I looking at his side profile and I swear I could see a small smile curving from the edge of his lips as he said: “Goodbye”

And with that, he closed the door behind him and left me standing alone once again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jongin and his baseball teammates were all waiting by the baseball field. They were fresh and clean after taking a bath in the shower rooms. They greeted me warmly and we all hurriedly went to the parking lot and drove with one of Jongin’s dongsaengs who had a pick-up truck. Some of us rode inside the vehicle while half, including myself rode in the back. They were all laughing, throwing their hands in the air and some of them even stood up waving to the other cars who were passing by and the other drivers weren’t so pleased to see students doing something dangerous on the road.

With all their energy, I couldn’t keep up with them. Usually I would laugh and play along with the kids, but right now...I just needed the wind to be my companion.

We went to have a simple dinner at McDonalds ordering McRibs – a very affordable and worth it meal I would say – and the chattering never ceased. The baseball team had heaps and loads of stories to talk about. Most of the stories bored me off. I couldn’t care about people I didn’t know. Some were of course worth my interests to be honest. But those were not the stories I wanted to hear, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to get it out of  _him_  even if I tried my hardest.

For example: Why did he kiss me back and didn't scream at me after saying all those things of forgetting me, the list of his regrets?

I want to know the truth. How many times must I have to say that?

And I also…want to be with  _him_  after what had happened. I want to feel him again. Want to be in his arms. Hear his voice.

I felt it. In that brief kiss, I felt something from him. A  _connection_.

How will I be able to survive the weekend now?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Unconditional, unconditionally. I will love you unconditionally._

For the rest of the day I lie here quietly listening to Katy Perry’s Unconditionally. To be honest, I wasn’t planning on listening to the song not until my phone shuffled and played this. I immediately stopped practicing my auditions for MID School of Artistry and sunk to my bed as the images of Professor Kim Minseok’s face emerged from my mind. His sweet voice echoed in my ears, his smile blinded my eyes and his scent suddenly began to come back to my nose. I couldn’t get my mind off from Professor Minseok after that. I could still feel his lips on me even as if now I poked my lips, the feeling lingered.

“I want him”

I was taken aback when I heard myself utter out those words. I paused the music and bolted to sit up straight my eyes grew wide and my face turned white as if a vampire sucked all of the blood out of me.

Did I just say that?

My fingers began to dig into my skull. I grasped my hair and began to tug it tight, tight, tight. Did I just say that? It doesn’t sound like me at all! Did something suddenly possess me?

I hopped down from me bed and stared into my mirror to stare at my reflection and there, I saw a stranger: his face was not relaxed, his eyebrows were shooting up scrunching his forehead, his eyes were bloodshot above those dark circles, his mouth hung agape trembling in the cold, hair was messed up, not a single strand was brushed neatly. Who was this person?

A strong tug from my heart pulled a string of pain. My hand clutched the fabric of my cloth were underneath my heart lay. My breathing intensified as I grew more and more scared and confused. I looked down onto the floor shaking my head hoping this feeling would go away.

This was not the Byun Baekhyun I know. This was not  _me_. This was a spell casted from him. Is he a wizard? A warlock? Could he be an inccubus? A siren even?

I can assure myself that I do have feelings for him. But this…this was nerve wrecking. I have been attracted to lots and lots of girls before, heck, I even I got attracted to some guys but I have never, ever felt something like this.

The feeling of want.  _Need_.

Need…

Kim Minseok said something about me needing him. Is this what he meant by it? This raging feeling I’m having right now? Is this the truth about me? Could I actually be a desperate psychopath that needed to have sex with him that night? Was that the story he didn’t want to tell? I don’t know what to think anymore! This thing that drives me to think like this…

I shot my head back up to the mirror.

“I don't know anymore..."

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Good Morning Korea!” Sehun stretched his arms up when we hopped out from the train, the brooding boy was suddenly converted into a happy-go-lucky cheer leader while the Baseball Team Captain Kim Jongin yawned his way out his mouth larger than ever. I had my feet brisk it’s way into the school’s yard. I didn’t know what came over my feet but I had the urge to find Professor Minseok.

I need to have a word with him. First, he invaded my mind for the whole weekend and I couldn’t practice my audition piece and second-

“Oi, slow down dude!” Sehun ran by my side pulling me by the shoulders with his arm that slung above me, he pulled me close to him and laughed “Why are you in such a hurry? I’ve never seen you  _this_  excited about school!”

I had no idea if Sehun still holds a suspicion about me and Professor Kim Minseok or that I'm just being paranoid again? Anyhow, I chuckled back trying my best not to sound suspicious “I’m just sleepy, I need to lay my head down on my desk and doze off while I still got the chance”

A nice little lie and Sehun seemed to have bought it for he agreed and began to saunter his way to our classroom. I halted on my steps and checked both sides of the hallways hoping to catch a glimpse of Professor Minseok before he gets into our classroom but I was disturbed and dragged all the way in when Sehun popped his head out saying I was too slow for my own good. Once I got inside, I did what I told Sehun. I lay my head on top of my arms on the desk burying my space on the gap my arms and torso made where I just stared into the darkness contemplating on what I should do.

Last Saturday, I tried to research about Professor Minseok once again and it bugged me why all of the contents to his information were blocked. The mystery of Kim Minseok has really garnered my interest in knowing more about him. If I can’t extract the truth out of him, I will find a way.

“Good morning class!”

Speak of the devil.

Professor Minseok came with his suit and tie and his briefcase. He smiled at the class and the girls all swooned. He came in here like nothing had happened last week and I was surprised it wasn’t effecting him that much - unlike me. I heard Sehun whisper a curse and I merely snorted. I watched Professor Minseok and I saw he had no interest in the girls at class at all. Why do I feel so relieved? Or am I just getting far ahead of myself and I’m becoming a  _feeler_?

_Oh no._  I shut my eyes tight, slapping my face. I didn’t care whether Jongin and Sehun reacted, I was merely focused in questioning myself how on earth did I think of it like that?

“You alright Baek?” Jongin's motherly instincts was working again.

“I’m fine! No worries, I’m just trying to wake myself up” I chuckled awkwardly, wiping the sleep away from my eyes.

Once again, my oblivious best friends bought it. I’m just happy that Sehun’s not that persistent anymore with asking me about Professor Minseok’s relationship with me and I certainly don’t want him to find out my tutoring classes with him. I’ll make sure nobody knows about it in this classroom.

The time went by so fast I didn’t realize his class had ended. He bid everyone in the class farewell and the second period was up. I didn’t have any interest in listening to the second professor as I thought deeply on what I should do after the long weekend of fighting my feelings and thoughts. Should I talk to him in the hallways? Ask him to eat out? Go to his office? Wait for our next tutorial class? – no, I can’t wait for tutorial class. Friday is four days away!

Unless…

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti!”

My ears broke at the screech an apprentice made missing the last note while I played on the keys on the piano. Professor Yixing winced at the sound and shook his head patting me on the back, “This kid is hopeless”

“Well, at least he can dance” I smiled at Professor Yixing who shook his head disagreeingly, not even taking the apprentice's dance skills as something worth being glad about.

“He can  _only_ dance but we also need a lead actor who can actually  _sing_ ”

I looked at the apprentice and flicked my fingers, “Let’s try it again shall we?”

The apprentice nodded happily positioning himself in the middle of the stage. He inhaled deeply and started, “Do, re, mi-“ once again he fell flat. And he wasn’t even on the half of the do-re-mi scale! I turned my head to Professor Yixing who gave me an I-told-you-so look.

I shrugged my shoulders and laughed “We can always have him lipsync”

Professor Yixing rolled his eyes and was about to comment on my remark when suddenly Ms. Hyorin’s voice resounded from the auditorium’s entrance. The other members. the seniors, juniors and apprentices of the EXODUS Theatre Guild – my lovely little minions – all whisked their heads to Ms. Hyorin’s figure. I tilted my head to the side wondering why she was here until-

“Minseok, Minseok! Isn’t this exciting?”

There he was, trailing behind Ms. Hyorin in his gray suit that fitted him very well. That same earring intact on his ear, his dark hair, his piercing eyes that scanned the room. His mere presence that sent my heart racing. 

_Oh, that’s right. They’re mentors. I completely forgot._

“Everyone, I would like to introduce you to our new mentors!” Professor Yixing raised his hands encouraging everyone to stand up and acknowledge the presence of the two newcomers “Ms. Hyorin and Mr. Minseok”

The members all bowed respectfully at them eyeing the two dashing professors. Ms. Hyorin smiled, her perfect set of white teeth glimmering and I could tell the boys in our club are all internally screaming. Just like I was when Professor Minseok’s eyes came to look at me. I simply averted my gaze trying my best to use my acting skills and pretended I couldn’t see him and focus on clapping for their arrival to the guild.

“I’m so excited to work with you guys!” Ms. Hyorin’s honey-covered voice sounded so pleasing and motherly instantly making all of us smile with her bright personality.

“Yes” Professor Minseok said and my eyes began to dart over him. My face burned as I saw him grinning at me, “I’m excited to work with you guys as well”

I cleared my throat as I looked around to find anything I could do to avoid his eyes. I nervously smiled and made my way back to the piano tapping it’s wood to call the attention of the guild, “Alright, let’s continue on to where we left shall we?” I pressed the keys playing a short hannon trying to shake off the tense feeling of my frozen hands “JungSung please come back on stage and let’s start?”

I pressed the keys and the apprentice sang once more. Everything. Was. Out. Of. Tune and the whole guild seems to be suffering from it. My eyes would sometimes glance at the three professors discussing quietly on the front row seats of the auditorium but my eyes would mostly center on Professor Minseok who winced and grimaced at every single flat note that crosses his hearing. I chuckled at his cute reactions.

“Enough, enough” Professor Yixing stood from his seat breaking their conversation. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed “This isn’t going to work”

The apprentice’s jaw dropped and pain flashed across his eyes. Ms. Hyorin saw it and hopped from her seat, “Mr. Zhang, I think we can give the boy a chance. He just needs a little practice that’s all”

“We have been practicing him for two weeks straight Ms. Hyorin and I can’t see any improvements” Professor Yixing looked at the heartbroken apprentice “I’m sorry, but we have to replace you”

The apprentice was about to sulk and leave the stage until Professor Minseok spoke, “Maybe he needs motivation”

“Motivation! Yes, that’s right” Ms. Hyorin clasps her hands together. “Maybe you need some little jazz in your soul. Something to inspire you to do better. After all, you’re an apprentice! Shimmy-shimmy and have fun to get those notes right!”

“What’s a better source of getting inspiration other than having your Company Manager do a demo?” Professor Minseok smirked as he pointed at a startled me. Everyone’s eyes diverted their gaze at me, all were smiling expectantly and one particular person in the room was smirking mischievously.

“M-me?” I pointed dumbfoundedly to myself.

“Why yes! You’re a great singer yes?” Professor Minseok added and him mentioning I was a great singer made my skip. “Also, you were accepted to audition for the next round at MID School of Artistry! Now  _that’s_ a motivator!”

Everyone gasped in both shock and delight. The whole auditorium erupted in applause and congratulatory responses. I would have bragged about it right now like what I would always do, be the prideful me and flick my hands telling them: “Well, I’m that great” but with Professor Minseok’s eyes, I found it best to remain silent for I found it hard to thank their applauses with him watching my every movement. He was like a lion waiting for an antelope to fall and break their legs while on a grand chase.

Professor Yixing seemed to have agreed and went on top of the stage insisting he play the piano for me to sing a short demo. He had to push me off my seat and drag me on the middle of the stage before he could sit down and convince me to sing.

I don’t have any choice right?

_I hope my voice doesn’t crack_. Was all I had to pray to God before I opened my mouth and sang “Open Arms”. As usual, my singing was effortless for I loved to sing but the nervousness I feel – and let me just pin point, I  _never_ get nervous when I sing (I’m a prideful son of a gun that’s why) – the nervousness from my voice...I was nervous because I could feel his intense gaze at me. He watched me closely giving me much discomfort.

Although uncomfortable by the way he watched me, somehow, I find myself trying my best in striking the difficult high notes to impress him. My nervousness mistook the others as a vibrato but the way Professor Zhang eyed me, he knew I was uncomfortable. He continued to play on the piano and I continued to hit the high notes in anyway to impress Professor Minseok.

I wanted him to know I was  _this good._

A little accomplishment blossomed inside my heart when I finished singing and he clapped his hands along with everyone who cheered. My ears and eyes blocked everyone out and the only thing that was in sight and hearing all came from him and I felt myself light up in sheer happiness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The whole practice's duration was for over four hours. Everyone had done their duties. Ms. Hyorin taught the others vocal ranges, Professor Yixing used the piano, Professor Minseok taught them movements while I rehearsed for myself in the corner.

Every now and then I would watch the apprentices and senior members play and talk with each other and I felt relieved that the guild was becoming a family despite the new ones were a bit shy at first. At least now, they were free to hug and pat each other.

Every once in a while too, I would watch Professor Minseok as he moved like the water, his body was like fluid; effortlessly flexible to any positions and angles he could make and reach making different kinds of body forms. It seemed like he was doing Kung Fu and the next he looked like a ballerino.

With those movements, I wonder if he was that good in  _bed_?

_Fuck this._ I shook my head my face burning with heat.  _Dirty thoughts, dirty thoughts, dirty thoughts get away from my head! Pull yourself together Byun Baekhyun._

Am I this naturally perverted? Sometimes I surprise that I have no clue about myself.

My eyes flicked back at Professor Minseok once my mind got clearer and I would sometimes catch him watching me. Sometimes he would stray his gaze away if I caught him looking and most of the time, he would just let his eyes linger and I would be the one to avert my gaze.

I wonder…what is he thinking when he looks at me?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Goodbye Baekhyun hyung! See you next practice”

“See you guys!” I waved them a goodbye and watched them as they disappeared out from my range of sight from the auditorium.

Everyone was gone including the three professors who had gone off before the guild members. I was sad that Professor Minseok didn’t even bid me farewell and most of all I was angry at myself for not confronting him when I had the chance, like the bathroom – well, I never wanted to go to that route. Too risky – the water dispenser moment or anything just for me to get an alone time and strike a conversation with him about the  _kiss_ , the  _truth_  and…my growing  _need_  for him.

What were we before we made out? Did we do something? The sunset, the drinking, the problems, the things he told me last time on the rooftop...

“AIsh, really!?" I growled, jumping up the stage to sit on the piano once more and play some tunes.

Aside from video games, playing the piano could erase my stress to soothe my soul instantly. It’s what I would do whenever mom and dad would fight over at grandmother’s house. There was this huge wooden Trebel Piano at grandmother’s house where I would pound my fingers on the keys to create loud music to overpower mom and dad’s raising voices and ever since, whenever I play the piano it gives me solace.

Right now, I needed one too.

I let my fingers and heart press the keys. I poured my soul into every ivory and every ebony and magically a song would be created out of the blue as I ouido a soft melody. How amazing music is. The way just a mere song could stir emotions. One could tell if the music could make people sad, happy, scared, nostalgic. Music translates to different emotions that even though there's language barriers or even no words, you can understad it. Indeed it is a spell itself

“That’s a beautiful melody you’re playing”

I whirled around my seat surprised to find Professor Minseok standing by the bottom of the stage, a quirky grin tugged his lips. My heart skipped beats and time itself stopped when he made his way up the stage to stand in behind me. I lifted my head to stare up at him as he looked down on me. My adam’s apple went up and down as I swallowed hard.

What was he doing here? I thought he went home already?

My lips were sealed and I couldn’t spill out any words. I was completely stoned in my seat. He waved a hand over my face to see if I still was functioning, the same thing like he did the first week of classes when I got stuck in front of the classroom and it was a sign for me to turn around and focus on the piano trying my best to hide my trembling hands.

“I think I've never heard that song, did you compose it yourself?” he asked, an amusing tone coated his voice.

_Stay calm Baekhyun, stay calm._

Inhaling, I managed a smile, “Oh yes. I love making my own music. I follow the beat I feel in my heart and play it on the keys” I shrugged my shoulders “It’s a thing I do when I’m bored”

“You’re so talented”

Okay, where is this conversation going Professor? And can you just tell me why you’re here?

Better yet…I should make my move now and ask him.

I was about to turn and confront him about the mind boggling questions stuck in my head but then I felt his hot breath press against the back of my ear. I shivered in both fear and delight. He placed a warm palm over my hand and dragged it across the ivory keys.

“Let me teach you one of the songs  _I_  composed” he breathed into my ears and immediately I melted and followed his every will. I supressed a sharp intake of air when I felt his warm breath, closing my mouth together almost cracking my dry lips from all the force. He placed his other palm over my free hand and guided it over to the left of the ivory keys, this time, his torso pressed over my back, warmth radiating to seep over me. He breathed again “Over here, press this” do, mi, so “then over here” re, fa sharp, la.

He kept guiding my hands to the keys he wanted me to press. A song he wanted me to hear, a song he composed. A song, only the two of us could understand.

What is he trying to achieve? Does he want to break me? Make me confess? Make me  _want_ him more?

_“I want him”_ I said that last Saturday and I kept on repeating that over and over until my head would explode and now, here he was.

He lets go of my hands and leans away from me. I threw myself to the keys breathing freely the trapped air inside my lungs. God, it’s like I got out of water for I was desperately gasping for air. My mind blurred but enough for me to whirl around and face him.

“What do you think of the song?”  Professor Minseok crossed his arms and smiled.

I was getting irritated with him. This guy is truly bipolar. Last week he wants me out, then he kisses me and now he suddenly holds my hand, massages it with his thumb and be so intimate. Next thing you know, he’ll push me away again. If he does, I won’t let him.

Not until I get what I really need him for:  _answers._

“Why?” was the only thing I asked him to make him raise his brows. I took it as a sign to push further for I think, he didn’t quite expect me to be inquisitive right now. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

I rubbed the nape of my neck, “Kiss me last week, hold my hands today and now smile at me like nothing happened” I narrowed my eyes “You seem so calm today too. It’s like there’s nothing to worry about Professor”

“There really  _is nothing_ to worry about”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

His smile grew wider “Tell you what?”

I clicked my tongue. “The truth. Last summer. The Bar. The Sunset. The Hotel room. The problems the-“

_Why?_

_Why won't you let me finish..._

_Kim Minseok…_

Heavy breathing. Inhaling each other’s scents. Each other’s breath against each other’s mouth. The bittersweet taste of his lips. Those lips that taste like cigarettes. His strong arms that pulled my legs up to rest on his waist as he laid my back down to the piano keys crushing me with his torso while I sunk, the piano created its own music. Hands going crazy everywhere, not knowing where they should remain. An excuse to feel each other’s skin and muscle. My excuse to feel him. My head would bump onto the piano’s board and the keys would bury deep into my flesh – which I’m sure would leave bruises – but I didn’t care, as long as I was trapped in his arms, I was contented.

I broke our kiss pushing him gently away. Inside my head I sounded so badass but the moment I spoke, I sounded like a little whimpering puppy which made him smile after I said “Stop this, right now”

He gave me a long peck on the lips, his chuckling vibrated along my throat, “Stop pretending Baekhyun, I know you wanted this from the start” he took my lips again brushing gentle kisses.

I pushed him back once more. I need to. Before I get lost and drown in his wonderland, “I still want to know” I whispered along his mouth my breath pressed against his lips “What  _did_  happen last summer?”

He gave a long pause before smiling and pulled me closer. His pupils scanned my eyes as if he was trying to search for any possible answer he could give me, or it was the other way around. He was giving me the answer I already needed “All I can say now is…” he closed his eyes leaning closer to my lips again “I can’t take it anymore”

_I can’t take it anymore too._

I've been holding back. Afraid to admit that I've been garnering feelings for him for the past weeks I've been thinking about last summer only to fall head over heels for him,

_Professor…_

My eyes rolled back and closed. Everything went black and all I could think of was: Kim Minseok. Kim Minseok. Kim Minseok. Kim Minseok and nothing more but Kim Minseok.

I don’t know what I should feel. Should I be happy? Should I be relieved he was feeling the same? We both gave in into our desires. He had told me he wanted to stay away from me, he wanted to forget about me and yet, he went to the classroom and pinned me to the wall but he controlled and stopped himself from kissing me but in the end- he gave in. It feels so awkward that we just started to make out like this, but I don’t want to complain. I’ve always wanted to know how he tasted, how he felt in my arms, always wanted to feel his kisses, his warmth and his strong embraces ever since I started to notice myself in seeing him differenlty. And now, I have it.

In that moment, I started to think: maybe knowing about the history of last summer is pointless?

I mean, the reason that I wanted to discover the truth about last summer was to know if we had some sort of connection, how we met and how we ended having sex together. I thought myself to be delusional, to have psychological problems and stress that I wanted to extract information from him. At first I wanted to know if he remembered me because I was pretty sure I wouldn't get a good night's sleep if I can't peg him right. But now...it didn't matter anymore.

We’re in each other’s arms now.

I was no longer feeling neglected, ignored, deprived of the surging feeling of warmth.

_What more do I want?_

Professor Minseok hardened the kiss and as he deepened it, I could feel his tongue pushing through my closed lips. He breathed through my mouth “Open your mouth” and I did. I let his tongue explore me, let him taste every bit of me as our tongues wrestle for dominance. Hungry for more.

_Good grief! I never knew I could French Kiss_.

But by the way he explored my mouth, it was like he was familiar with it already. Have we French kissed back then?

My head fell onto the keys creating another sound almost deafening myself, he continued on nevertheless, this time he kissed my cheek sending butterfly kisses to land on my neck. He sucks it hard and sloppily. I groaned in my throat and heard him laugh merrily. I pressed my hand on the back of his head asking for more. Slowly and slowly, I felt myself stiffen.  _Down there_. Professor Minseok was either oblivious or didn’t care at all that I was getting turned on and I was thankful he didn’t notice or was it because of a flashlight moving frantically out of the open doors of the auditorium.

I shook his shoulders and he immediately stopped and saw the flashlight. Professor Minseok grabbed my wrist and pulled me to hide behind the piano as a guard came in and checked the auditorium. He didn’t bother to come in further - a lazy guard. Professor Minseok and I were relieved.

“I think he’s gone” Professor Minseok panted, his voice sounding very exhausted.

I took this opportunity to look at him. Marvel at him. The way his sweat streamed down, his face all bright pink and his heavy breathing, it made me effortlessly happy for some odd reason just looking at him. Does he feel the same way as I am? Enchanted, exhilarated and breathless? I became more happy and felt giddy inside when I noticed our hands were actually intertwined. I raised our hands and smiled to myself. I looked over to him again and slowly tried to rest my head over his shoulder. I checked him if he was going to flinch, I was waiting for him to react to my action but he didn’t. My head found a comfortable spot on his shoulder and I sighed, swooning that I was with him.

Could this be love that I’m feeling?

It couldn’t be lust wouldn’t it if the smallest things he makes, makes me happy.

Is this what  _love_  feels like?

He shifted his position to look at me. “The coast is clear” he said and cleared his throat “Come on, we better get going. They’re going to close the school any time now”

With that, he lets go of our intertwined hands and acted as if nothing happened. The smile on my face disappeared as he adjusted his collar and his suit and jumped down from the stage. I stood up and followed him off of the stage the frown on my face getting deeper.

_He took off his hands like it was nothing…while I was happy when our hands clasped together…_

Professor Minseok then turned his face to me and saw the sadness that crossed my face. He approached me and cupped my face with his right hand “You alright?”

Immediately I became cheerful when he stroke my cheek “I’m fine”

He chuckled and kissed me once more. “Okay then” he smiled, nudging his head to the door tugging me to go out and eventually we made our way out of the auditorium closing the lights and locking the doors.  We didn’t hold hands when we went to the train station, we didn’t kiss, we didn’t even look at each other. Instead, I listened to the rustling of the wind, the sound of train tracks and the beating of my own heart.

It was overwhelming. That experience we just had. I’ve never kissed anyone like that before, moreover ever have experienced a French kiss where I’m actually  _conscious_. Damn, now I’m wondering what else did we do back in the hotel?

On the ride in the train, I kept poking my lips, savouring the sweet sensation that lingered after the non-stop kissing we had. I would hear Professor Minseok snort at a couple times when I poke my lips hard and I would blush feeling his short glances at me. Once we got down from the train, we walked a little while from the alleys that lead to the main highway where we can call taxis for our ride home, and by this time of hour? It’ll be hard to catch one.

We just made out in the auditorium and now we’re acting like nothing had happened. I had to ask him a serious question. “How long have you wanted to do that?”

He threw his head back, his lopsided smile showing again “Why suddenly blurt something out like that in the open?”

“I’m just…curious” I shrugged my shoulders.

He rubbed his nose “All I can say is  _very_ long”

I blushed hard almost flustered in the process. Kim Minseok wanted to do that to me from the start? For a very long time? Does that mean he likes me? I needed to ask another question “Why? Why me?”

His lips formed a straight line but he was still managing a smile as he kicked the nothingness on the ground shrugging his shoulders. I frowned.

“You’re not going to tell me because it’s part of the  _truth_ I want to extract from you, right?”

He smiles dejectedly to the ground. “There are things better left unsaid”

A taxi cab passed and it didn’t bother to stop for us. Just great, but at least I could corner Professor Minseok while I can. “Why? Did something bad happen that makes you say these things to me? Why won’t you tell me?”

He merely shook his head his eye never meeting mine, “What do you hope to gain if you learn the truth?”

_Why do you keep asking things in cryptic. I don’t know what to make of you!_

“What would you lose if you tell me the truth?” I countered and he smirks.

"Touche"

A cab finally stops in front of us and Professor Minseok gestures for me to get the ride. I didn’t move and he knows I won’t leave without an answer and he knows he'd better think fast. In the end, he shrugged his shoulders and said nothing. He walked over to me and turned his back from the cab shielding our short kiss from the eyes of the driver. He pulls away and squeezes my hand before opening the door of the taxi cab for me and let me slide inside.

“Let’s continue tomorrow” was the only thing he said before he waved goodbye and the taxi cab drove off. I spun around to watch him grow smaller the farther and farther we drove away. The farther we were going away from him, the more of the part of me was getting pulled out leaving my heart and soul empty longing to stay with him.

I plopped down back to my seat and stared at the window wondering, what does tomorrow have in store for me? And will I ever get to know my lost yesterdays?

Tonight, I felt torn. I was both jovial and half-empty.

 

 

 

                                                                               

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts about Baekhyun and Minseok freely having to express themselves now with the hand holding? <3 
> 
> COMMENTS ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED <3 I LOVE READING YOUR THOUGHTS :">


	6. CHAPTER FIVE: An Invitation

 

   
  
   

 

 

 

                              

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

That morning when I woke up, the air felt _different_. It was weird to actually feel “happy” to know that there’s school today. I tried recalling when there was even a day that I was excited about school? I even forgot the reason why my stomach boiled with excitement until-

“What is...?” I pressed my fingers over my swollen lips.  _That’s right. Professor Kim Minseok._  When did my lips get to be this so big and red? It looks like a grape! Was this my punishment for being a desperate, hopeless romantic guy? But still…I plopped myself back into the sheets of my bed embracing the pillows covering my face from blushing madly. Kim Minseok and I…

He kissed me and kissed me and kissed me.

And…

_I kissed him back._

My head is in a whirl. I feel like I’m walking on air. I flailed my arms swooning at every moment I came to remember.

Does he miss me?

Does he still want to kiss me?

I've never had feelings like this before, not even trying to court a girl or eyeing a guy from afar. With Minseok, it was entirely  _extraordinary._

My fingers travelled to touch my lips once more. I smiled and closed my eyes breathing in slowly the cool breeze blowing from my window. I relished in the cold air that now enveloped my room soothing me into a peaceful trance until I remembered asking him about the truth and he merely shrugged me off.

This was not over. If he was acting this way, then it must be probably something serious. I’ve tried to avoid trouble from my parents, and what if this was another trouble I’m diving into> I'm going to be in so much trouble.

I need to know, I want to know.

Maybe he’s facing his own problems? Does he need help fixing them?  _I could help him._

All of a sudden I feel so concerned, so responsible for his happiness. Is this what love really feels like?

I could ask Sehun or Jongin about this since they had at least one girlfriend before.

_“I want him”_

I patted my cheeks hard, shaking off my thoughts.

I jumped off the bed and hurriedly took a bath. I slid down the staircase and ran pass the living room where mom popped her head out asking me if I wanted to eat breakfast, but it was too late. I've already shut the door behind me.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

This was really strange.

I never would have thought I’d see the day that I would be the first person to arrive in class. The whole classroom was empty and the noise was near deafening. The sky was a mix of cerulean ocean blue and a twinge of lemon yellow as the sun slowly crept behind the buildings kissing my cheeks with its warm light. I made my way to my desk settling my bag on my chair and stared out the window popping my head out of the pane.

It’s so weird to feel this so exhilarated on a school day. I can’t help but find it silly and quite impossible. Well, it’s not the school I’m excited about, but it’s seeing my literature professor that’s got me dizzy and crazy.

I really, really want to see him.

If he’s a wizard in disguise, he sure slipped in a potent love potion during last summer did he?

As if in cue, his figure came walking through the gates in his usual attire: his grey suit, his brown suitcase and his hair brushed up. Oh how I wanted to jump down and take him into my arms. Am I smiling? I guess I am. Kim Minseok was slowly approaching the stairs to our building. I don’t want to lose sight of him, I wanted to call him, scream his name so he could look at me, but in a moment…he was gone.

My feet scrambled and I ran to the door. I grabbed the handle and slid it open only to bump into Sehun who had a surprised face to see me here. Why wouldn't he? 

“Baek?” Sehun blinked twice as if he wanted to confirm his eyes that I was not a hallucination.

“Sehun! Hi!” I awkwardly waved a hand, “You’re early”

“I think I should say that to  _you_ ” he blinked hard, following my figure as I walked pass him. “Where're you going in a hurry?”

“The bathroom, I really need to go” I lied. Using the bathroom as an excuse is always the best lie, nobody can deny that. Sehun easily let me pass through and I dashed like a madman through the hallways.

It was incredible how my feet commanded me where to go. I wasn’t thinking of anything but it was like my whole body was magnetized to go to the faculty room for a blink of a second, I burst myself inside Professor Minseok’s office, only, he wasn’t there. It was  _empty._

_Oh, shit._ I cursed beginning to realize my foolishness. What the hell, what am I doing here? It’s a good thing he isn't here too! I can easily escape now and pretend nothing happened. Yes, that should be the best solution. I should go now-

_Click!_

The sound of the door locking, the silent footsteps behind me and a warm palm that blocked my vision got my heart racing. The familiar scent of Professor Minseok caught my nose. Fear engulfed me, he caught me snooping in his room  _again_  and now knowing that we want each other, this was not going end good.

“Good morning” he kisses the nape of my neck, with a low purr.

I inhaled sharply at the contact of his soft wet lips sending the hairs on my body to rise. My hands balled up into fists as I anticipated on what he was going to do next. I was both excited and scared it’s nerve-wrecking really.

He chuckled and pressed my back to his against his chest, sharing each other's warmth. “What brings you here Baekhyun?”

His voice was raspy, breathy and rich. It was so damn attractive.

Without giving me time to answer, he flips me over to look at him. My face was so red, I could tell based from the way my cheeks were heating up madly and I could also tell that he was enjoying it as he shot up another smirk. His eyelids were half-closed, with eyes scanning all over my face. Although I was taller than him by an inch, he was really, really making me feel  _small_  by the way his eyes sized me up.

He ran his hand over my stomach up to my chest and bit his lower lip. “You’re oddly early today too,” he chuckled teasingly “What happened yesterday that got you to act this way?”

“The truth”

“You sure it’s not  _something else_?” he poked my lips and I shuddered. “Would you just drop the thing about summer? I’ll just tell it to you straight” he paused leaning away from me and picked up his suitcase to place on top of his desk “We drank to our heart’s content, made love and  _we loved it_ ”

My face instantly lit up in flames when he mentioned  _made love and we loved it_. It sounds so awkward really! But he lets it roll off his tongue like it was a normal thing. I cleared my throat as I adjusted my uniform.

“You sure that’s the only thing?” I narrowed my eyes at him while he rearranged the papers in his hands.

He nods. “Yep”

“Then why let me suffer through the strip game and keeping this all so intense if that was the only thing happened?” I asked. I know he’s hiding something, I have a feeling in my gut that there was  _something else_. Something he doesn’t want to tell me, but the way he looked at me.

“That’s everything I’m afraid” he shook his head continuing on with arranging the documents in his hands for today’s lesson. He was really convincing. “And the whole strip tease thing? It was just all for fun. I wanted to see  _you_ again”

_See me?_ _Oh_ _._ He meant seeing me naked.

I clasped a hand over my mouth hiding the flustered face from him. He just says everything so straight forward that it’s so uncomfortable. But, I feel somewhat happy about it too and all this joyful and triumphant feeling I have will surely get me in trouble one of these days.

“Do you really want to  _see me_ again?”

Or get me in trouble right now.

Minseok snapped his eyes at me, a mischievous smile and the twinkle in his eyes got him so interested that he dropped his papers and forgot about them like they never existed. He closed his brief case and sauntered his way back to me. He stood a finger away that our noses could easily touch if one of us moves.

He strokes my cheek gently. “Why? Are you offering to do it?”

_Offering_!? It sounds so… _eek._

“You could…you know” he says quietly, “The door’s closed anyway”

I pursed my lips into a straight line, holding in everything I wish to scream. Being in the presence of Minseok, having his skin in contact with mine, and those eyes that haunted me was beyond tolerable. I can't control myself. I hesitated in grabbing for the buttons of my shirt so many times and he noticed it.

“You know, we won’t be able to go to class not until you make up your decision Byun Baekhyun”

Well, I’m not going to be some whore in one click of a finger. I’m Byun Baekhyun, an aspiring actor and I’m not going to break my reputation by being a submissive little boy.

Reading my thoughts, Professor Minseok smirked.

“Good boy” he pats my shoulder, “Come, you have to go back to your class and I still have to teach you guys”

“Right, you’re right” I finally breathed out. Have I been holding my breath all this time?

Just as I was about to fling the door open, he stops me by slamming a hand over the door beside my head, closing it back shut. I flinched the moment I knew what he was doing. My heart pounded when he flipped me over and ran his thumb over my lips.

“What are you doing?” 

“We still have thirty minutes to spare, surely you can stay here even for a while?” his eyes closed as he pressed our foreheads together, his hand travelled over to my cheek and pulled me close. The way we were so close, I swear I could hear our hearts beating in the silence.

There was just something about him, that makes me weak. I watched him with calculating eyes. Really, there was just something about him.

He was like an embodiment of a love spell itself.

“Professor-“ I murmured, my voice fading away as he pushes the back of my head to close the gap between us.

“Please, call me Minseok”

Eveything exploded in my mouth when he took mine in his. Like fireworks in new years, it was bright, colorful and warm. The way our mouths opened, the way our lips touched, the way he tasted in my mouth, his scent, it punctured my heart and turned my stomach. He massaged his lips on mine, with every kiss our mouths I could sense that we were growing more and more aggressive and hungry for one another. He pressed his chest on mine into a bone crushing force as if he wanted to glue himself to me until we can no longer break away from each other. I gasped for air in each time he planted a new kiss on my lips giving each one a different feel from the other.

I smiled unconsciously when I heard him groan in my mouth. Why wouldn’t I? He was so into it.

And so was I.

God, I love it when he kisses me. It’s exhilarating, my blood was pumping and racing all over my body.

I was too engrossed in the kissing that I didn’t notice my fingers had made their way in his hair getting tangled up in his brown locks and the other pulled his waist closer to me. He gasped in surprise that I even dared to do it. He gave me an approving smirk and deepened the kiss.

_Why do we kiss I wonder? Why?_

_What are we?_

Who knows how long we were doing it, but if it wasn't for Professor Yixing's voice, we wouldn't have had tore apart. He adjusted his collar and went back to his table to pick up his papers. I on the other hand was left standing there watching him intently. When he noticed my eyes upon him, he grinned sheepishly and flipped me around pushing me gently by the shoulders to go outside.

Professor Minseok and I separated in the hallways telling me that I go on ahead and he’ll just come after. I agreed with him completely. Who knows what Sehun would think if we come inside together. I know deep down that boy will never stop questioning me about my relationship with Professor Minseok.

_Relationship._

“Hey Baek, you alright? You look a little red” Jongin had a concerned look all over his face. He tried to place a palm over my neck and check my temperature but I swatted him away just before he did so.

“I’m fine, it’s just…”  _It’s the professor in front of the classroom_ “the air conditioning unit is too hot”

The sounds around me blurred, it was damn nearly un-audible when my eyes were transfixed on Professor Minseok. I would catch him glance around me and a smirk would tug up from the corner of his lips, I myself couldn’t help but smile as well. I nibbled on my lower lip whenever we make eye contact and my cheeks would burn again. I would watch his lips move whenever he talked and it tempted me so much, urging me to run up and kiss him in front of everyone, right there and now.

Of course I couldn’t.

So, just seeing him and knowing he was also looking at me made me contented.

_I can’t take it anymore_.

That’s what he said before, and I felt the same. And based from the knowing glances and smirks he gave me...

I knew, we’re not just going to stop there.

At the end of the period, when everyone was passing their notebooks over the table for submission, once I got to the table, Professor Minseok grabbed my hand and stealthily snuck in a folded note between our hands. I jolted up straight, a little surprised at the action but understood it when our eyes interlocked. I nodded and he quickly raised a brow up acknowledging me that he got the message. Making it back to my seat, I hid the note from under the desk and flipped it open and there, I saw words scribbled with his handwriting:

_“Meet me in the rooftop”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Glad you came” Professor Minseok didn’t turn around to even look at me when he heard me open the metallic rusted doors of the rooftop. Instead, he was just standing there nearby the crates where we had our first tutorial session that night when we played his  _stripping quiz_  game – man, the memory of it just gave me a weird tingling sensation in my stomach.

“I had to make excuses to my best friends just so I could come here,” I clicked my tongue remembering Jongin and Sehun bombarding me with endless questions on to why I was going to skip lunch. I stood behind him awaiting for him to turn his back, but he didn’t. “So, why’d you send me here?”

He held out his hand and there, hanging by his fingers was a plastic bag. I blinked twice examining what it was, until he told me to grab hold of it. I took it from his grasp and checked what was inside it.

“Lunch” he answered my silent question and finally he spun around to look at me. “I knew you wouldn’t buy food, so I’m sharing mine”

“Sh-share?”

“Yep” he gestured his hand by the crates, “Come sit down and eat with me”

_Was he planning this all along?_

Just like that, we were back in a place full of memories. He was sitting just across me like the time we had the strip quiz with those mischievous eyes watching my every move and I, going through all of this without knowing what is going to happen next. The only difference was that, it was midday and the wind’s breeze was warmer, and it wasn’t a tutorial session that had us here, it was a picnic.

I stared blankly at the plastic container I pulled out from the bag not knowing what to do. With just one chopstick? How are we supposed to eat this?

“We share it of course” he once again answered the lingering question in my mind. “I suggest you take a bite first, you need the energy more than I do”

“It’s your meal and it’s your chopsticks, you have it” I know we’ve kissed before but even with this little act, my heart keeps fluttering.

He laughed merrily like I was some little kid doing something foolish, “Why are you so scared?”

“I’m not!”  _of course I’m not._ I took the lid off from the box and saw noodles and the aroma of it sent my eyes rolling back. It’s looks and smells delicious!

“Hope you like homemade food”

“You cooked this?” I eyed him with sudden interest. “You know how to cook?”

“I’m afraid that’s the entirety of it” he chuckled, a little blush creeping from his cheeks. A blush I’ve never seen before, and it was refreshing to see another side of him.

Is cooking one of his hobbies? Could he be a good cook? A Bad cook? Well, he did just say this is the only thing he knows how to cook, but maybe he’s just being modest? Either way, I’m glad I learned a little bit of something about him.

I dabbed the chopsticks on the noodles, took a portion of it and slurped the noodle in my mouth and –  _Wow!_ This tastes actually pretty good! The blend of the sweet and sour, the way the noodles melted in my tongue was extraordinary! He might be really a great cook! A good looking one too.

“You like it?” he asked softly, a twinge of excitement flashing in his eyes.

“This is very delicious” I said in between munching.  _Totally good._

“Then it’s yours to finish” 

“What? No, I can’t possibly finish this, it’s  _your_ meal” I tried to give the box back to him but he pushed it back to me.

“It is, and it is mine to give”

Why is he like this? Why is he so…?

“Why are you giving this to me?” I narrowed my eyes, there’s something suspicious about it “Did you put drugs in it?” I teasingly said but his reaction was scary. He looked so offended by what I said that I had to shut myself up and go back into finishing the noodles.

_The heck was that?_ One minute he was smiling and all but when I joked about drugs he became…he wasn’t the Kim Minseok I came to know for the past few weeks of being with him. I’ve never seen that face before and I hope I won’t ever cross it again. What could it be? Could that be the reason why he won’t tell me about last summer? Did it involve anything?

He must have sensed my concerned look for he shot me a weak smile, “Oh don’t worry about me, keep on eating”

And so I did. I just ate and we never got to strike a conversation, only the wind became my companion in soothing the tensed muscles I had. Professor Minseok didn’t even look at me the entire time we were there, instead he was staring out in the horizon of the rooftop. Into the nothingness of the blue sky that made me wonder, what might he be thinking that gets him always so deep in thought I wonder?

I closed the lid of the taper ware slipping the chopsticks back into the plastic bag. When he heard my sudden movement, he returned his gaze and smiled, “All good?”

I nodded, wiping the remaining grease of the noodles from the corners of my mouth.

“Hold it, let me” his thumb brushed over my lips as he wiped it off clean. I was stoned in place and I didn’t dare shift my position. The way he was  _this_ close to me, I could smell his scent again and it sent waves of haziness to my brain.

Unaware of how it happened, he pressed his lips once again on mine and I let myself succumb into his mouth. He climbed on top of the box that separated us and pressed my back onto the crate wall until he could straddle on top of me. My eyes rolled instantly shut as I was engulfed with the uncontrollable emotions I had that wanted to jump out of it’s cage.

_I want him_.

It echoed in my mind again and again only heightening my want of feeling him.  _Needing_ him.

He bent his knees and sat on my lap. He cupped my face with his hands, pulling me closer making sure I could taste every bit of him. My hands snaked around his waist and pulled him until the warmth radiating from his body became one with mine. He pecked my lips thrice before his tongue entered my mouth to tangle with each other, wrestling for dominance. The taste of him exploded everywhere inside my mouth and I couldn’t get enough of it.

_Oh wow. I feel so happy, I can’t comprehend what was happening to me_.

“Minseok-“ I moaned in between exasperated kisses.

Upon hearing his name, he stopped and tore away from our kiss. Why did he break our kiss? He leaned away and stood up in front of me. He fixed his blazer and collar and grabbed the plastic bag then extended a hand for me to grab and I took it without second thoughts. He cleared his throat and rubbed the nape of his neck.

“You should go back to class” he said it like nothing happened a little while ago, like we didn’t made it out just now. How could he be this bipolar?

“Minseok, wait”

“Go back to class Baekhyun”

“Wait, what we just did-“

“Baekhyun” he breathed an exhausted tone. “Please?”

He merely smiled and gestured for me to go. I had a look of doubt and worry, but I knew I had to follow his orders. I bowed a farewell and went on my way without looking back and headed straight to my classroom.

During the whole period, my mind just floated to him. Focused only on him.

Curse him for doing this to me...

Him and his brown eyes...soft pink lips, brushed up hair, his jawline, his marvellous earring. God, what am I to make of him?

I may be denying it, but I’m starting to have very strong feelings for him.

Maybe I truly am  _in love_  with Kim Minseok.

Maybe that’s why I can’t stop thinking about him. Maybe that’s why I’m always happy when he’s around. Maybe that’s why I want him to kiss me and kiss me until I canfaint.

Maybe that’s why…I feel it now.

The professor of our History class paid no interest on me who sulked and face palmed throughout the session. I was completely boggled by my feelings that I didn’t know what to do next. It’s already obvious to me that I love him, but how am I going to face him knowing that I have this feeling for him?

Should I confess to him? After all, we've been kissing and hugging.

Because if I don’t tell him what I feel, I'd certainly will not be able to sleep tonight again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“See you later guys”                                                                                                                                 

“Bye!”

“See you tomorrow Baekhyun”

“Yeah, see you”

Sehun, Jongin and I said our goodbyes for the day. Sehun was going home to play video games and Jongin was going to baseball practice and train his recruits, I on the other hand didn’t have any rehearsals for today so I was thinking of going home right now – or not.

“I have to see him again” I clutched the fabric that covered my heart. It was beating fast and loud, like horses running in the glen. I inhaled long and hard and exhaled deeply, “I can do this”

_I can do this._

_I can do this._

_I can do this!_

_Damnit._

It sounds so wrong if I confess to a professor.

That isn’t something wrong right? I mean, it happens all the time correct? It’s not one’s fault if a student falls for a professor, right? It's normal right?

_Gah!_ It’s because of  **you**  Kim Minseok. You’re ruining my head! Stop invading my thoughts, stop stomach aches!

_Stop making my heart beat for you…_

The whole time I was thinking of those things, I was unaware that I was already trudging in the hallways with my rucksack hanging from one shoulder and a bothered and contorted face that sent off the wrong signals to everyone who I would meet had them all stray away from me. I couldn’t help it. It’s  _his_  fault, not mine. There was one person though who didn’t stray away, instead, he brushed his hands over mine and pulled me inside a compact and dark room and only the light from a shattered window made my vision clear to see Professor Minseok’s face.

I flinched in shock and was about to yelp a scream when he locked his lips in mine and stopped me. He's already caught a technique of shutting me up apparently. He caught me just in time and got me to stand up straight. I searched his eyes, hoping he could answer me, but there was nothing. Instead, my emotions got ahead of me and I instantly dove right into his lips and this time, I was the one who pushed him onto the bone-crushing wall.

We violently searched for each other’s lips as we tore and glued back when our heads went all over the place just to have each other’s mouths to taste. He pulled one of my leg up and I jerked in surprise, but he managed to seal off another yelp by taking my mouth once more. His other hand travelled from the back of my neck tracing down my spine until it reached my waist. He pulled me up and flipped me over. God, I hate it when he becomes so dominant whenever we make out. I feel helpless. I can’t blame him though, I was weak whenever I’m in his arms and I could do nothing but give in.

There was nothing in the world that could compare how much I was happy and ecstatic in his arms. I didn’t care for the reason anymore for why we were doing this, I’m just glad to be with him here. Alone and  _his_.

What would I give to be like this everyday.

“Professor-“ I breathed into his mouth “Professor”

“Hmm?” he moaned in my mouth as a response.

“I-I have…something t-to say”

“Can’t you say it later?”

“I w-want to say it now”

He took off from my lips and sent butterfly kisses and nestled on my neck. It was a motion for him to say that he was willing to listen to what I was going to tell him and I took the opportunity.

“I like it when you kiss me there” it wasn’t what I wanted to tell him, but it felt so right just saying it. To let him know that I felt it that way.

He smiled on the crook of my neck and continued on, “That is good to hear”

Upon mentioning it, it gave him some sort of power to keep going on until I’m sure he would leave hickeys on it for he sucked them hard. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes, relishing in his soft lips on my skin. God, he sure was good at this. What more in bed?

_Fuck._

What am I saying? My mind is drifting off to be dirty again, this is embarrassing!

Wait, we’ve already had sex, why am I so embarrassed? Well, aside from the fact that I was drunk but…shouldn’t I feel comfortable now? With him doing this to me?

I heard him unbutton his polo shirt and that urged me to stop him. I pressed my palm over his chest and pushed him gently, enough for him to look at me. He titled his head to the side in question to why we stopped.

At first I thought I stopped him because I didn’t want him to go through with it, but in the end, I was completely shocked at myself for I didn’t expect that I would unconsciously blurt out something like it. As if someone else took over my body and possessed me into saying it and he too, was surprised but it eventually curled up into a wide smile.

“My parents aren’t going to be home until tomorrow morning, nobody will be there to hear us”

_Well, I’m doomed._

_Stupid, stupid me._

 

 

 

 

                                                                               

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Baekhyun. The thirst is real.
> 
> COMMENTS ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED <3 I LOVE READING YOUR THOUGHTS :">


	7. CHAPTER SIX: Main Course

 

   
  
   

 

 

                                

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

**I can’t believe I just invited him inside.**

Professor Kim Minseok is inside my house right now, at eight ‘o clock in the evening, at a school night, inside my house where my parents won’t be home until tomorrow morning and when they arrive they will never know that their son had just let a man whom he shared a passionate session last summer only to do it-

“What a lovely house” his breath grazed the nape of my neck sending the hairs of my body to stand. I tried to remain calm amidst my jelly legs and trembling hands. I held my chin up high as regret washed all over me. Well, he’s here now, and I can’t do anything about it.

“My mother designed it, she’s picky” was all I could reply to him. Heck, I think that’s the only thing I could utter for the rest of the night for as I climbed the steps up to the second floor to my room, I am pretty sure my tongue was slowly disintegrating away from all the heat I was feeling in my whole face. Step by step that I took was leading me to a point of no return.

What was I thinking? I don’t know a thing about Professor Kim Minseok only that he is my literature professor, but then, why do I trust him so much?

_Damn my feelings for him, it’s going to get me killed one day!_

“Where are you going?” came his inquiring voice. I halted in my steps.

“Uhm, I’m going to put my bag in my room” I said cautiously.

“Oh, okay” he bobbed his head and walked over to the living room “Where’s your kitchen? Will your parents mind if some ingredients went missing?”

Is he going to cook food?

I rushed down the stairs and peeked over the kitchen’s archway and saw Professor Minseok opening the cabinets checking each canned good whether they were expired or not – most of them  _are_  though. Mom and dad would always eat TV Dinner food and I ate outside. I cringed at the thought of him spraying all the expired sardines, sausages, pork and beans on the frying pan. When he took one of the corned beef cans, I almost uttered a: “no!” in protest but he put it back.

He glides over to the refrigerator then caught a glimpse of me on the archway. He eye smiled “I’m making dinner”

“I can see that, but why?”

“Aha!” he took out an avocado and two eggs from the refrigerator. He motioned for the bowl and cracked the eggs. I just stood watch, a little amazed on how his hands moved swift with grabbing any essential utensils for his weird dinner meal.

When he noticed I was still standing stoned in my place, he picked up the frying pan “You haven’t eaten yet have you?”

_He’s cooking for me? What’s with him with giving me so much –_ Food.

What if he’s the wicked witch from Hansel and Gretel and he’s going to chop my body parts and sell it in a meat market? Maybe that’s why there’s no information about him?

Oh, screw my thoughts. I’ve been playing too much horror games with Sehun and Jongin.

“I hope you like Avocado because I’m going to conjure le avocado omelette salad espesyal!” he said it with a spanish accent that sent me having a fit of chuckles. Realizing his silliness, he hides his face and shakes his head from embarrassment.

Seeing him do something other than holding a book in his hands and writing on the chalk board felt really _refreshing,_ I never imagined him to be good in cooking too! He whistled a mellow tune that was soothing to the ears making it ever more fun to watch him do his Avocado Egg Salad recipe. To be honest, I could just watch his back all day while he cooked.

I’m also just glad that we’re not in my room right now and having… _you know_. Ah, my cheeks really betrays me, just the thought of us making love was ruining the perfect moment.

“Something the matter?” he spoke when he saw me drift off into my _dark_ thoughts. I stood up straight and pursed my lips into a straight line and shook my head, trying my best to assure him there was nothing bothering me at all.

It’s a lie though. Something was indeed bothering me.

Earlier, we grabbed any chances of making out that led me in inviting him to be here in my house to have what I think I wanted us to do – to have  _sex_  – god, it sounds so embarrassing but I won’t deny that’s what urged us to go here. And now, here we are suddenly playing “house”. It’s like we’re a married couple, he was cooking and I stood watching him with loving eyes, but I know this wasn’t supposed to be our intention. I don’t know about  _him_  though.

Once my feet got tired from standing, I walked over to the living room and plopped myself and my belongings on the long couch and just sat there. I closed my eyes hoping to take even a sort nap, not until the aroma of the meal he conjured came rushing through my nostrils, reeling me in to flutter my eyes open at the delicacy.

Professor Minseok placed one plate for me and another for himself on the coffee table and went back to the kitchen only to retrieve two mugs of coffee – a drink that I have noticed that he was fond of.

He offered me a spoon and a fork along and I accepted it without second thoughts. My mouth was just watering at the sight of the meal and something tickled me inside. He cooked _for me_. _Only for me._

I punctured my fork right through the crushed avocado and egg and – “Whoa,”

“How is it?” he grins at me, fully anticipating any praise I could comment.

_This is delicious! Unbelievable._

Who knew that avocado, eggs and asparagus with melted butter would be this amazing? The way the egg melted in my mouth and the crack of the yolk mixed with the balsamic avocado was overwhelming, I never knew that they could blend and harmonize like this! And the aftertaste with the asparagus? It left me begging for more.

“This is extraordinary!” I shoved another spoonful in my mouth, relishing the bitter-sweet taste of it “I should really get this recipe, not even Gordon Ramsey could top this off! Wow,”

“I’m glad you like it”

“Is this your own recipe or you watched it from one of those cooking channels?” the taste of heaven just literally had me blabber on and on that I wasn’t even aware I was asking him questions.

“Ah, it’s one of my own” he too took a bite and smiled at his own creation, but like a snap of a finger, his smile reverted into a sad smile.

With the look on his face, I knew I was in for a short story about his life – I knew it because I studied expressions and body language in theatre, it’s something we must understand to relay the message – and a little ring of curiosity and accomplishment rang in my head when he began speaking “Cooking was a hobby for me whenever I became depressed when I had the time to cook that is. Just keeping myself busy in getting the right temperature, getting the meat to have a great color, adding seasonings, avoiding my fingers to get cut, it all took away my problems”

He chuckled quietly to himself – a memory perhaps.

“One day I was so stoked in everything about cooking that I had set a goal to achieve a new dream: to become a Chef” his eyes sparkled as if he could see something from the nothingness in the air only to revert once more to that blank and empty expression, “But as from Fantine's song: I Dreamed A Dream: there are dreams that cannot be”

His voice was filled with so much sad nostalgia that made me wonder, what could have happened to him? What must he have gone through that brought him to be this voided?

I wanted to ask him a question again, but I didn’t know how to. It could hurt him, but this awkward silence was making me nervous enough.

I just had to ask the question “Why? What happened?”

He merely shrugged “ _Life_  happened”

There was nothing I could say really, I know he won’t tell me anything. I’ve been through that for weeks now trying to extract information about  _me_. How could I possibly ask him further about  _him_?

My heart ached thinking of any possible difficulties he might have faced. Money? Transportation? Or just like what I’m facing right now – my parents threatening to have a divorce? Could one of those be the reason for his unreachable dream? And what are those problems that made him all depressed?

Wow, I never thought I’d be this worried and be this responsible for him. It’s kind of weird and…I don’t know but whatever it is, I really do hope he’s okay.

“So,” I cleared my throat hoping I could divert into a more cheerful conversation “you became a Literature Professor must be because you love reading books right?” a weak start, but at least it could keep the awkwardness off.

Unfortunately, it didn’t. “Yes, I do love reading books. When I open a book I feel like I’m in another world, I wasn’t Kim Minseok, I wasn’t a chef, rather I was a hero of one of those story books who rescue damsels in distress and experience miracles. I couldn’t put down a book for I was engulfed in its wonders, even when I’m about to finish, I still couldn’t put it down for I didn’t want it to end because I know once I close the book, I’m back to _reality_ and  _life_ starts kicking in again”

Professor Minseok took a long thirst quenching chug on his coffee as if he wanted to wash away all of the thoughts that boggled him, all of the images that flashed across his face that made him twinge in both hate and disappointment.

_What could have happened to you?_

Now I’m not only curious about last summer and his identity but I’m also curious about his  _life_. His struggles, his likes, his dislikes, his achievements, literally  _everything_ that I needed to know about him. And with it, came a package: I want to help him.

“Enough about me, how about you?” his voice snapped me out from wherever my mind drifted off to where I almost spilled my coffee in alert. “Do you have any dreams?”

_It’s my turn now?_

Seriously this guy is bipolar. One second he was in full nostalgia sad-mode and now he had his infamous smirk back on waiting for me to give him an earnest reply. I did, of course.

“Well, obviously you know that I’m a Company Manager of EXODUS Theatre Guild, and I’m auditioning for MID School Artistry this upcoming October, so…basically I want to be a famous theatre actor!” I wiped my hands in the air picturing myself standing in the middle of the stage with a spotlight directing everyone’s attention to center around me and my name in one of those huge neon LED lights and flowers being thrown at my feet while I bow in thanks.

“I would imagine myself scoop up one rose and hand it over to the adoring crowd and hear people chant my name: Baekhyun! Baekhyun! Baekhyun!”

That was the dream: to be loved by many and to entertain people. Nothing beats making people laugh or strike their hearts with emotions through the one thing I loved doing the most: Acting and Singing.

Hopefully one day when I do become a famous actor, Jongin could be a famous Baseball player and Sehun would be in one of those Step-Up movies as a lead actor and dancer. The three of us will make big names! It had been a promise between the three of us. We’ll make our own names.

I kept on and on and on being my good ‘ol blabbering self while his expression never changed. However I could sense, he felt lonesome. I guess it’s from the story he told me earlier.

“What a lovely story” he murmurs softly, almost _too_ soft.

“Are you done? C’mon tell me more! Encore, encore!” he laughed. Professor Minseok’s wonderful smile on his face was back again. His elbow was propped against his lap, his cheeks that were tilted to the side rested on his palm as he watched me with pure amusement.

A chuckle escapes my lips and for the first time I was with him, a smile was visible on my face.  Professor Minseok laughed quietly and played with the avocado on his plate with his fork, his eyes looked downward, diverted into staring into the meal.

“You have a lovely smile Byun Baekhyun, I’ve never seen something like it before. You look best when you laugh” he whispered. I almost couldn’t hear it for I supposed he didn’t intend to say it out loud but here he was laying it all before me.

The corner of his lips tugged him into giving a warm and broader smile. A smile that I couldn’t comprehend what was going through his mind. A smile that could make angels cry. What could he be thinking?

“Always smile, okay? It’s better like that” his words…it caught me off guard.

“Professor?”

“Don’t cry okay? Never leave anything behind, no regrets, no sadness…”

He darted his eyes back at me, now with dispirited eyes. I was taken aback, I couldn’t really understand what was happening to him. This…bipolar guy really.

He leaned towards me, reaching a palm to stroke my cheek. He stopped for a while checking any signs of hesitation from me. It’s funny how he’s so cautious, and very weird that I find myself suddenly comfortable about everything he does that I just let him do anything.

I closed my eyes and rested my face in his palms and I swear I felt him flinch. My free hand touched the back of his palm pressing it harder onto my cheek feeling his warm hands relax in mine.

_Kim Minseok…_

It had already slipped out so many times from me, but I really do want to tell him how I feel. Heck, I’m unsure of it but I know what we call it. Even in a short span of time, I have come to grow to care for him, I worry for him, I want to see him, I think of him all the damn times and I just want to hold him.

I’m falling for him and I am falling  _hard_.

I leaned close to him closing the gap between us as once more our lips touched tasting every bit of the familiar sweetness of each other’s mouth and I felt him respond by kissing back. My other hand travelled to his shoulder and pulled him closer to me. I didn’t want to let him go.

But for him, it was the other way around. Minseok abruptly stopped the kiss and pulled away. He pushed me gently away from him and shook his head as if he had done something terribly wrong. He kept shaking his head in negation and pushed my hands back to my chest whenever I tried to come close to him.

What have I done for him to act like this? What’s happening?

“Baekhyun I’m sorry but I think…” he breathed heavily as if he was drowning for a second making it all difficult for him to mutter out the words.

“Professor?”

“I’m sorry I c-came to your house, I-I’m sorry I ever kissed you or-or” his hand trembled that alarmed me in surprise. I’ve never seen him like this, is he nervous? Scared?

“Professor what’s going on?” worried, I tried grabbing his hand to give it a comforting squeeze, but he swiped it away like I was the most disgusting thing he ever laid his eyes on.

“I’m sorry. Please excuse me” he stands up. Afterwards, he bowed a farewell and picked up his brief case to head to the door.

_What the hell?_ _Where is he going?_

“Professor!” I jumped off the couch and ran after him. What is he doing? Where is he going? What’s going on!? “Professor!” I called out once more.

“Leave me alone Baekhyun” he harshly says as he reached for the door knob.

What, so he’s just going to walk away after making out and leave me here clueless and mind boggled and frustrated with whatever the hell is happening that I don’t understand!? _Hell no!_

“Kim Minseok!” I roared and grabbed his wrist so that he could face me.  _Face me coward_.

He used his shoulder and forearms and shoved me aside completely breaking himself free from my grasp. I winced at the pain but I had to ignore it. It was  _him_  that I should worry about. I caught him by his wrists with his briefcase dropping on the floor in the process. I pressed his arms onto the door and glared at him with intense anger and confusion.

“Why do you do this to me!?” I screamed at him letting him soak all of the frustration I was feeling through my voice “What, you think it’s okay to just tease me and kiss me and leave it  _just like that_?”

He doesn’t answer, but kept his gaze locked in mine.

“Do you know how much I’ve suffered the nights being a nocturnal because of you? Endless nights that seemed to stretch into oblivion because  _you_  keep confusing me! You keep teasing me, kissing me and then leave me like some deer caught in headlights!”

No response.

“What is your hidden motive huh Kim Minseok? Are you some secret agent here to destroy my life for  _fun_? Are you here to bully me? Hurt me?”

“Baekhyun…” the first word he utters, but I cut him off.

“Oh, do you want money from me? I can give it to you!”

 “Now that’s just unnecessary Ba-“ his face contorted into a nasty grimace. It really gave a huge offense to him, but I didn’t care. I need to hear him say it straight forward, whatever he was thinking.

“If it’s not money, what is it then, huh!?”

He kept his mouth shut. In his eyes, I could see he was starting to get irritated as well.

“I’m asking you a question, answer it!”

“I can’t”

“What do you mean you can’t!?”

“I just…can’t”

“You’re a jackass, you know that?”

“Look, for what it’s worth, let’s just end  _this_  okay? I’m sorry I have put you all through that. It was just a mistake, it’s really-”

“End what? What is  _this_ really? What the hell are  _we_ doing? Kissing? Making out secretly behind my friends’ backs? Your strip tease game, your bipolarness! That’s what I want to know goddamnit” hurt flashed across my eyes. To say I was a _mistake_ when I already am…I’m already…

“What is it that you want Byun Baekhyun?”

“ **You**!”

I said it. I finally said it and I’m not ashamed of it.

Minseok, fell silent with eyes bulging out of his sockets.

“I…I want  _you_ , you little shit. I’ve always had, but you…don’t you know how it hurts me when you don’t tell me anything? Don’t tell me your problems? Well, I hate to break it to you but I  _want_ you to tell me, I  _want_ you to let me feel the pain you’re going through, because…”

My heart pounded and my face flushed tomato red as I nibbled on my lower lip. I can’t believe that I finally…this confession…

The look on his face was priceless if it were a time for a laugh, but it wasn’t. His expression, it made my heart churn. He looked at me with sad eyes, a look of regret and everything that just says “this is wrong”.

I don’t want him to look at me that way. It only gave me pessimistic thoughts in having my heart torn to pieces. I won’t be able to survive such a heart break.

I pursed my lips into a straight line. “Because I-“

“Don’t say it” he placed a finger over my lips. He didn’t want me to continue on, but I want it so bad to tell him. Make him understand that what we’re doing hurts me  _so much_  because I have feelings for him and I want to know if he does too, because heck, why would he kiss me if he doesn’t have any right?

I will not give up. “Professor Kim Minseok, I L-“

“Shut up” it was a faint whisper, but filled with conviction.

But I am a proud and persistent person, I won’t back down “I am in-“

In a split second I was crushed against the door and Professor Minseok’s grasp on my collar almost choked me to death. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t struggle. He was just too strong for me that I did nothing but gasp for air.

“Shut up!” he growled at me with such ferocity that it frightened me. I watched his vacant eyes, just waiting, anticipating what he was going to do next. Is he going to punch me? Kick me? Kill me here?

Instead, he buried his face in the crook of my neck and remained quiet for a long time. I could feel him breathe hard and steady as the sweat from his temples trickled down to drop on my skin.

_You’re confusing me…why are you like this?_

He just looked broken, shattered. _Lonesome._

“Byun Baekhyun…” he breathed against my neck, and I shivered in the warmth of its touch.

“Professor?”

“Don’t…” he tries to speak, but couldn’t find the right words that he could utter loud enough. Shortly after in recollecting his thoughts, he whispers. “Don’t fall in love with me”

Someone just stabbed me in the heart because it felt like it. The way he said it, the way his hands tensed when he spoke, it killed me inside. He was hurting me, and I can’t believe I allowed myself to fall for him only for it to end like this.

He won’t accept me, I can hear it in his voice. But…like I said: I won’t back down. Not when I still want to see him smile.

I raised his chin so that he could look at me, so tight to stop him from shying away. Look at me straight in the eyes so that I could reassure you everything’s going to be alright. Look at me and see how much…how you’ve messed me up. See how much I’ve fallen for you Kim Minseok. I hope you could see that…

“I’m sorry, but I already have”

His eyes twitched in astonishment as I traced his lips with my thumb.

“I love you Kim Minseok” with my heart, I sealed it with a kiss.

If you ask me why I did that, it’s because I want to know what he had gone through, what made him feel all pain, what made him depressed. I want to let him know that I want to feel  _all of it with him._ Let him know that he’s not alone.

I want to be a part in his life. Not as his student, not as an actor but as someone who can love him. Someone who can take care of him. Someone who could face all his problems along with him and that’s a promise I am willing to make, if he’ll let me.

“I love you” I whispered, ever so lovingly in his mouth.

Minseok stares at me with surprised eyes, searching mine before he kisses me back to hush me when I was about to part my lips to speak. Our eyes rolled back, our hands locking in place, fitting the spaces between our fingers as if they were made for each other.

Unlike the other kisses that we had, this one felt more  _real_. Maybe it’s because I’ve told him what I really felt and now, even though he didn’t utter those words, I could tell that he was slowly feeling it too for the way his mouth massaged mine became more passionate.

“I’m giving you one last chance Byun Baekhyun…” he said in between the kisses “We can end this now or else…”

“We can keep it a secret if that’s what it takes, I’m up for it” I kissed him harder, I didn't want him leaving my mouth.

He chuckled breathily and pressed on “If we continue this, it’ll be the point of no return…”

Something tells me, the words he muttered didn’t even matter to him. He sounded like he doesn’t want to end _this_ either.

“I’m willing to risk it”

“No matter what happens?”

“Even if it means I have to eat salt for the rest of my life, just to be with you, I’m contented” I suddenly became shy. I didn’t know I can be this so cheesy. He tore away from our kiss and pressed our foreheads together. He smiled and cupped my face.

“Promise me one thing”

“Anything” my lips curved into a smile. I was just so...overwhelmed, happy, dizzy.

His face remained gleeful but deep down, there was still the sense of sadness in him. He must have been thinking deep about what he was about to say for his eyes travelled down to our feet and let out a weary sigh. A thought he might have been pondering on for a very long time perhaps.

“ _Life_ is hard”

“I thought we’re out of school? You’re giving me a lesson  _now_?” I laughed.

“Oh hush” he pecked my lips “Listen okay?”

I hummed a  _yes_  tone.

“There are times when life becomes unexpected. Things can go your way or not, things go from best to worst in just a matter of seconds. Challenges will always be there, temptation can lead you to heaps of trouble but whatever comes, no matter what happens always,  _always_  forgive”

“Forgive? What do you mean?”  _what is this drama about?_

“I just want to tell you this since you’re going to graduate next year” he closes his eyes and sighs “Don’t leave anything behind, no regrets, no sad memories just forgive them. Remember, forgive everything else”

“Why are you saying this?” I eyed him with concern, I have no idea why he’s like this really. The more and more I get closer to him the more and more I see him broken.

I don’t want to see him like this. I wish I could do something that could brighten his day, like dance a silly dance. _Anything_. That’s why I want to keep close to him and hope that I could give everything in my best to help him.

“You’ll understand someday…” he smiles and played with our hands, tracing invisible circles in the middle of my palm.

_Kim Minseok…_

I tugged his hands and pulled him with me. I walked backwards, never tearing my eyes off of him fearing that he would run away, disappear into a place I can never follow. As if I was on auto-pilot, I was unaware that led him to the front of my room’s door, unclicking it and kicking the door with my foot open so we could get inside.

I could hear my heart panging in my ears, my pulse running faster and faster in my coursing veins and my cheeks filled with heat and tension with various shades of blushes staining. I heard myself rapidly breathing heavily once the door behind him shut.

The very image of him  _in my room_. Him and me,  _alone_. I never imagined him to be in this room with me, just a few nights ago I would be here reminiscing every moment I had with him and now, we can make one happen.

I saw his adam’s apple bob up and down as we stopped in the middle of my bedroom. His eyes scanned around to see some posters of Wicked, Singing in the Rain and more and more of the musicals I attended. My room was small with only one bed in the middle, a desk with a lamp in the far right corner where I study, an electrical piano on the left, a mirror and my closet and a large window covered with blue curtains. There was nothing special really, but he seemed to be quite amused as a glint of fascination sparkled in his eyes.

“They say you could tell a lot about a person based on their room” he smirks “At least I know you’re not a messy person, your room’s clean”

_Thank you mom_   _for constantly cleaning my room._

I brushed a hand, stroking his face that made him snap at me. He stopped my hand and pursed his lips into a straight line with a cautious look.

“You know…we don’t really have to do this if you don’t want to" he whispered, a bit cautiously. He searched for my eyes, any signs of regretting the decision of letting him in was all he looked for. There were none.

“I thought you wanted to  _see me_?” I laughed teasingly, my blush creeping up to my ears. God, it was funny how it just rolled off my tongue just like that.

He pulled my shirt making the gap between us just a finger away “You’re still making an offer?”

“It’s free” I winked, tracing my bottom lip with my tongue. A little seducing isn't bad either, right?

“You’re seriously going to push through with this? Because we don’t actually have to do it  _now_ ” his voice was strained, filled with hunger, desire that I couldn't help but chuckle as I pulled him closer.

“As long as it’s you, I’m willing to do everything”

“Then let me be the first to say sorry, because your neat room is going to experience a storm” Minseok closes his eyes as he takes my mouth into his, pressing it hard and rough as if he wanted to drain all the air out from my lungs.

I pulled his shirt and pushed him on top of my bed. I straddled above him and smirked against his mouth running my fingers all over his chest with a loving brush. My fingers could feel the thumping of his heart just above the clothing, and the warmth melted my skin. I couldn't wait to rip him off of those clothing, see him bare in front of me. I think I'm going to lose myself.

“Then let it come” I whispered and started to plant another kiss not until he flipped me over and I was once again at the bottom.

“Sorry, but I prefer being at the top” he chuckles once I rolled my eyes.

“You never give me a chance” I pounded on his shoulder playfully as he took my free hand and kissed my palms sweetly. The touch of his soft lips onto my skin sent waves of static. Oh how soft and pink his lips were, how I long to see how it would feel all over me.

“I want to have a good look on your face” he sucked my palm softly as his lips travelled everywhere, sending butterfly kisses along my hands to my arms, to my shoulders. I inhaled sharply with the rising urge to take Minseok in came crawling into my stomach and that alone made him laugh as he continued to trail his lips back and forth my arm “See? You give me the best reactions even with just a tiny gesture” 

“Now let’s just shut up and let out bodies do the talking” he whispered darkly and breathily in my ears that send chills all over my spine.

 

_I'm ready for this._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It started as a gentle, but captivating kiss, with a mixture of sweet root-beer and salty ocean water. The taste of it was mesmerizing with each of our lips press together time after time, transporting us to another world and slowly, when he started giving a hard kiss, forcing his tongue into mine, my mind begins to fade. With ragged breathing as his wet tongue entered my mouth and danced bringing a fiery heat to the cold ocean of my mouth, I was lost in a world of lustful desires. 

Only me and him and the world shattered around us like glass.

Nothing exists, only he and I.

I was caught in a whirl that I didn’t realize he had pulled me up with his hand. He gently positioned me on the pillow of my bed and guided his hands to secure down on my hips. Our tongues tied, wrestling each other for sheer dominance. We'd never part our lips, only would we break away was when we'd catch a gasp of air, but neither of us would let each other go for we'll just share what little air we could give by clinging on to each other's mouths.

His hand travelled down to my thighs and lifted them up to rest on the side of his waist. I bucked up my hips as he began to mold my thighs with gentle massages. I couldn’t think of anything, all I knew was that my hands were everywhere, touching and clutching him just to feel every fiber of his being.

Minseok chuckled into my mouth, sending vibrations along my throat as he noticed my grasps growing tighter and tighter as I was asking for more.  He gives me a little teasing, sliding his hands from my thighs, my hips and into my inner thighs-

"Wait-" the warning bells in my ears rang in alert. Nervousness succumbed my being and the pounding of my beating heart panged in my ears.

He stopped his hands just on top of my waist and waited for me to say anything. My eyes were wide, my face must be crimson from that act alone, for what I saw reflecting from his lidded eyes, I was… _frightened_. Minseok was about to reach for me  _down there_. He was about to- have I been holding my breath the whole time?

“You’re sweating already? We haven’t even gotten to the main course” he grins and strokes my cheek ever so gently for comfort. I found myself searching for his palms when he takes it off from my face.

He slides his blazer off and swiftly he slipped his neck tie throwing it off to the floor with brute force. He acts like he's so impatient, his breathing was already ragged and in fact, he’s sweating already as well! I wasn’t the only one.

The desire was visible in his eyes, breathing, it was all laid out before me. Damnit, just seeing him undress himself was turning me on. How could he give an effect on me like this? I tried hiding my face with my arms for I knew I was getting another bright shade of red. 

He dove back down at me and caught my lips once more. Just with that, I was once more lost in my own day dreams, feeling each explosion of the kisses in my mouth like fireworks in new years. Warm, bright and exciting.

A moment was caught to stop and as if medusa was present, I turned into a statue when I felt his warm, delicate hands snake under my shirt. Without any given permission, he abruptly whisks my shirt off and threw it somewhere in the room. I was too busy being stoned in place to know where it went, but who cares? I'm more worried about my bare torso being exposed to him once more. I was shocked to see he did it so quickly! Who knew he had deft hands? 

I quickly covered myself with my arms hugging tightly around me. I wasn’t at all toned. I had nutella abs! My body was embarrassing for him to see. He didn’t mind it at all however.

“Ah!” I quickly clasped a palm over my mouth as I let out a very embarrassing moan when he started gliding his warm wet tongue all over my belly button and up to my left nipple where he traced invisible circles that had me arching my back in response. I felt his chuckles through the vibration from his throat to my stomach and he seemed to be very delighted no doubt.

_That was so embarrassing._ To think something inhumane coming out from my lips?  _But it felt so good._

He stroked his tongue up and down until I could feel my nipples harden – and  _down there_  to harden as he played with it. I supressed some of the delighted moans that threatened to escape from my lips, but the more he touched me, the more I knew my moans would build up. I was just so vulnerable to everything he does to me. Just one touch, and I'm over.

His hands grazed upon my shoulders and I understood right away that he was trying to take off his polo. My eyes blacked out, and my whole body began to heat up. But the moment I regained my consciousness, I realize I was unknowingly helping him unbotton his shirt and a satisfied grin plastered upon his face. I was breathing heavily, trying to heave what air there is in the world, panting ever so quickly as if I've just finished a marathon. Minseok no doubt was pleased.

When the last button came off, my hands slipped until his bare sweating torso lay before my eyes. His skin was so milky white that I swear he was fairer than anything I've seen. His chest heaved up and down, his strong muscles flexed as he shifted his position on top of me. His abs, oh his well-built abs! I couldn't hold back the intrigue in brushing my fingers over his six-pack. 

Kim Minseok was like a work of art. His body, it looked like it was carved by angels. He was so, so _ethereal._

I look up at him, our eyes interlocking. I bit down my lips as I cupped his cheek. All of the feelings I have, excitement, happiness, hunger, love, fascination, they were all sending shivers down my spine and having the butterflies in my stomach fluttering non-stop. Just having him here look at me, knowing that the two of us together, alone...Kim Minseok was...he was just so...

"You're so beautiful..." was the last thing I said before he closed his eyes and pulled me closer and closer until bare chests touched. As if there was glue sprawled all over us, we didn't separate, not even a centimeter, unconsciously ravishing in each other's heat.

I let my hand wander around his body, trace his spine, slide my fingers all over his stomach, grip tightly on his buff forearms. Anything just to feel him. To grab every essence of him with me. I just wanted to hold him. Here, with me. And never let him go.

He must've sensed my growing need him for he pecked my lips thrice. Each peck, our lips glued and broke. Minseok was running down my chest and planted gentle kisses on my ribs. Each of them soft, each of them growing rougher. His hands slid on my sides rubbing them up and down, molding my body with each stroke. The sensation of his soft hands against my skin was ecstatic! God, I can’t believe one could feel this wonder with just a simple massage.

My breathing came out short when his lips found my belly button. He gives gentle kisses, making out with it like it was my second mouth. He pressed a kiss and followed by a hard suck that made my hip buck up in surprise. He gave me one mischievous smile before-

_Click!_

_What the-?_

I instantly bolted straight to sit-up when I heard the buckles of my pants clicking open. He looked up at me with cautious eyes and without leaning away in between my thighs he slid the belt off from my pants’ waist. I grabbed his shoulders as fear slammed into my heart and crept all over my body. He tugged my pants down revealing my briefs and I pressed another squeeze on his shoulders as a motion for him to stop.

_Oh my god, I don’t think I’m ready!_

_What the heck, we already did it didn’t we? Why am I so scared? I wish I wasn’t conscious. I’m so shy and embarrassed and nervous and scared and-_

“Shh, shh” sensing my discomfort, he crawled up to me and locked our lips. He pushed me back to the pillows and gave me long reassuring kisses. He never took his eyes off of me as he whispered “It’s okay, it’s okay shh”

_God, the way he’s hushing me…_

“Trust me” he kissed me one more time and tugged a sweet smile. He poked my nose and gave me one last sexy grin and licked his lower lip naughtily before he crawled back down my body making sure to leave kisses on the way. My hand gripped the pillow I was laying on and the other was clasped on top of my mouth as he slowly pulled down my briefs, exposing my swelling erection. 

_It’s so embarrassing to be exposed so naked in front of someone really and for him to know that I was_ excited _like this?_

_But he has seen me before, I too have seen him, but…I don’t remember anything._

He crawled back up to me and cupped my face. He pulled down the hand over my mouth and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Are you scared?”

“Uh…” nothing came out of my mouth afterwards. My pupils were blown, chest heaving. All I did was stare into his eyes and found what little comfort I could get. My mind was blank, my heart was racing and my bare manhood could feel the cold breeze nipping. I don't know what to do.

“Shh, shh. Don’t worry, nothing bad is going to happen to you” he spoke quietly. “You trust me?”

For some reason, even though I don’t know anything about his real identity, I trust him. I trust him because… I have these strong feelings for him I can't comprehend any of it. It’s just a feeling you get, you just know it when it comes. It’s just…there. As if ever since you were born, it’s already built in your mind that if you cross this person, that’s how you’ll feel about them. As if that person and your brain was wired to be understanding of each other.

He waits for me patiently unti I nodded approvingly at him and with one more kiss, he went down once again.

I stared at the ceiling, trying to find comfort, a distraction to ease my beating heart just waiting for it. Waiting for anything to happen, anticipating how it could would feel to have him wrap himself around me. I have never experienced anything like it – conscious I mean – and I would count this as a  _first_.

“Ah!”

Soft warm hands grabbed hold of my length. He wrapped his palm around my manhood gently and moved it in a sliding motion, up and down in a slow-paced manner, making sure to massage me on the first go. I took in a sharp intake of breath and groaned in my throat, trying my best not to create any sound that could trigger the neighbours’ interests on what was happening in our house.

Easier said than done.

I moaned, I groaned, I croaked and whimpered in his grasp as he slid faster and faster the longer his hand remained in my manhood more and more, my erection swelled as it grew harder. His fingers played with the tip that made my hips shoot up in the reaction of intense pleasure. As a man we do this all the time, but with Kim Minseok’s hand, it was in a whole different level. It’s as if he had learned a technique to cause such immense excitement – it’s so weird describing it like that, but I can assure you it had a different twist to it that no other person could actually do.

The stimulation I felt was so extraordinary that it sent pools of sensation in my stomach. Am I about to-?

I was alarmed when I felt something wet brush over the tip of my length. I dared to look down to see what it was, but the image displayed before me just took my breath away and a cold sweat trickled down my temples. I saw his tongue playing on the tips of my head. My eyes widened in shock as I saw how artfully his tongue danced on the head. He's sliding it over like I was his personal Byun Baekhyun flavored favorite lollipop. He hummed some 'mmm' and 'hiss', tracing up and down until he could wipe my own flavor clean.

I forgot how to breathe.

His eyes fluttered up at me as he took my length in his mouth, swallowing it whole. My toes curled up and my eyes rolled back shut when he bobbed up and down sucking it hard in each swallow. He took it deeper and deeper until my manhood could reach the back of his throat, making sure to devour and finish me off. He was slow and rhythmic at first until he became aggressive. He pushed my legs up and massaged my thighs to gain more access. I was internally screaming as he used this as an opportunity to graze his teeth along too while it was being swallowed inside.

My hands gripped his hair, knotting them and tangled along to reciprocate the immense pleasure I was feeling, to let him know that I wanted _more_. I pulled him tight as I felt his hand then play me.

I can’t think straight now! He was just so good at this that I’m- I think I’m-

He takes off from my length and licked the corners of his lips, brushing the back of his palm over his mouth, completely wiping off the white hot liquid I just sprayed all over. Minseok gave a low chuckle of delight, licking off the remaining cum from his lips.

_Well, fuck._

“Baekhyun, I can’t believe you’re  _that_  easy” he laughed as he was on his knees staring at me in amusement, a genuine teasing grin made his face glow “You came already?”

“Shut up” I managed to say despite being out of breath. I blushed another dark shade of red once he downcasts his eyes back to my mess.

“Well, at least you haven’t reached your climax, it would have been a shame. I wouldn’t be able to see that cute face of yours”

_Stop saying that…_

He took hold of my manhood that had me stiffening as he went up and kissed me again with desire igniting the world around us as we become lost in a sea of lust. Spicy and powerful that sent waves of passion washing all over us. The world was the sea of passion, but our hearts were burning with desires. I could never get enough of him.

He continued to caress my length with the same rhythmic motion he's doing to massage my mouth. I think I'm so easy to please, but this was just so unbearable.

I love it when he kisses me, I can’t believe this is actually happening. I must be dreaming right now. I’m glad I’m with him. I’m glad I laid my feelings out to him and I’m glad he accepted me.

I just hope one day he’ll let me be on top someday and-

Did I miss something? When did  _this_ happen?

My tongue rolled back, my eyes shot a wide alarming stare at his and all I saw was him staring at me luridly. My mouth hung open and no matter how hard I try, no voice came out of it. My hands gripped his forearms for it was the only solace I could find when I felt it; he entered me without me noticing he had already slipped his pants and briefs off.

I was too focused on kissing him that I didn’t take notice that he had penetrated in me slowly. Steadily. I felt myself getting full with his manhood entering my ass. It was hot, it was huge, it was...it was! I can’t possibly take him inside in this condition!

I’m going to throw up.

“Ow, ow, ow! St-stop…stop! It-it hurts!” my eyes were popping out of its sockets when he gained more access inside. I pounded his chest urging him to stop with tears staining my eyes - but I found myself hips bucking up, unconsciously insisting he continue to go in deeper.

Is it still going to hurt like this? I thought if it’s already been done it’s going to hurt less?!

He grabbed my wrists and pinned them back to the sheets. I arched my back feeling him enter slowly and slowly, the corners of my eyes were beginning to water as the mix of pain and pleasure engulfed me. It burned like hell. He was too big to even fit me! I just- I can't. I feel nauseated. 

Why didn't we use lube? Why didn't I buy lube?

“Shh, shh hey, hey look at me” he cupped my face, directing my eyes to solely focus on him. With the intense surging pain, my eyes finally streamed a tear down my cheeks. He wiped my tear with his thumb “Baekhyun, Baekhyun look at me”

The way he said my name, it was so comforting. It was like a gentle caress, a lullaby that helped me feel at peace even just for a split second. Minseok...Kim Minseok was here for me.

“Hey,” he hushed me as he gave me one kiss on the cheek and murmured along “It’s going to be alright, it’ll be alright”

“I-it hurts like hell” I cried, my voice was on the point of breaking like glass. I sounded so fragile, I didn't know I could even sound like that. 

“I know, I know, I know. Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon…” he pressed our foreheads together and intertwined our fingers.

Minseok positioned himself better in between my thighs and raised both my legs to rest on his hips. He continued to push himself further until he found the right spot to stop. I dug my nails deeper into his back and gritted my teeth, stopping the vomit threatening to escape my throat. Minseok planted a kiss on my forehead and took me into an embrace.

“There’s one more thing you should know…” he whispered and went to dive into my ears where he began to whisper quietly, his hot breath that served as a caress on my skin. He nibbled on my earlobes, and licked it for a couple of times, savoring my little whimpers by his ears before he continued on.

_The words he uttered completely took me_   _by surprise._

“We’ve never actually had  _sex_ ”

“What-?”

He then gave me one hard thrust that sent me screaming in pain. I wrapped my arms around his neck, the only salvation I could find now was pulling him close to me. I just needed something to grab onto, something to reciprocate the force that I felt, I just needed to let it out. I cursed and spat on his face for not giving me a head's up for just slamming himself inside of me.

“That’s right, this is your first time” he groaned once he felt me struggle under him.

_The fuck?_ This was scaring the shit out of me. What does he mean by that? Didn’t we have sex before?

“Wh-what…” I managed to speak in between desperate gasps while I winced in pain “What do you mean? D-didn’t w-we?”

“You wanted to know the truth right? Here’s a portion of the truth”

“A-are you s-serious?” he gave one more push, a bit gentler this time, but it didn't help calming the pain. “ _Fuck_  it hurts!”

“I asked you if you wanted to push through with this”

“B-because I-I thought w-we – and it’s because I-I wanted you a-and-  _it hurts!_ Ow!” I dug my nails deep into his back and heard him groan in satisfaction.

“We went to your hotel room yes, we kissed, made out but I never had intercourse with you. Heck, I don’t want to take advantage of a drunk guy" a small amount of rage echoed through my ears as he clicked his tongue and bit down my earlobes harder.

_He didn’t want to take advantage of me?_

_He’s making me fall harder for him. He’s such a nice guy…_

“So this is your first” he quickly added. I didn’t respond.

_This is **really** my first? So…all this time…_

“Are you mad?” he spoke so softly that I got a hard time figuring out what he said. It was as if he didn't want me to hear him say it, afraid of what I'll react to him asking it and concerned that it made my heart skip in beats finding it cute instead of getting angry at all.

I shook my head with closed lips. I couldn’t talk much when the pain was seeping into me more and more. He sensed it and gave me another kiss.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” 

“It’s alright” I managed to breathe out with ragged breathing.

He smiled sexily, “Then will you accept me?”

Grabbing the nape of his neck, I pushed him towards me and licked his lips. Minseok smirked, planting another peck before I chuckled weakly with a tone craving for more “I don’t think I have any other option” 

That was what all it took before he grinned and leaned away from me to arch his back. He stared down, looking at me in marvel - or thinking of ways on what to do with me. My hands instantly shot up to follow him, beckoning for him to come back and share his warmth, as if I couldn’t live without him being close to me. I didn’t want him to lean away, I felt like I  _needed_ him.

_“I just thought you needed me again”_

Yes, that was what he said before. Could this be what it meant?

“This will hurt a lot” he started, with voice of caution and seriousness. “But don’t worry, it will be over soon. Once we’ve done this, it won’t hurt anymore, I can assure you”

Minseok raises both my legs up, stretching them and allowed himself more access. My hips jerked up and I inhaled all the air I could possibly take as I felt him go further in and in that the longer he went I think he could reach the ends of my ass. I moaned with a pool of saliva forming inside my mouth. 

“Be wounded by me” he murmured and all hell’s broke loose.

It’s as if the world and time has stopped moving, everything just became quiet, became still and only the fire, heat and the sound of my bed creaking could be heard and felt. Everything became a pure odd sensation, when he began thrusting his manhood inside my ass sending me to bounce up and back, pushing in and out of me slow but steady. He cups my waist and hold me firmly in place, slithering himself inside and outside of me. I popped with each pound he thrusts, pumping and pumping more and more blood to run to my cheeks. My heart went into a frenzy, my mouth hung wide open with long heightened moans rippling echoes around my room that transcends into melodies only me and Minseok could hear.

There was a song playing around us, a song that played only for the two of us. A melody composed of my moans harmonizing with his groans. A beat Minseok matches with each thrusts. It was music to my ears, music that I've never dreamed of. Music I've never heard in any broadway musicals. Music I've never sung to, music I'll never be able to sing. But as long as Minseok is with me, we can create wonders and endless songs that could last a lifetime.

The song was a slow waltz of reassurance, acceptance and dancing until he went rougher and faster and the music played a fast-paced drumming that told of a story of lust and hunger. In and out he slipped rapidly forcibly penetrating my core. The rest of the world was gone and it was only us who were present and engulfed in our lustful burning flames as our kisses grow more urgent.

“Kim Minseok" a nervous yet impatient whine spilled out my lips.

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright” he hushed comforting words into my ears. Each of them sweet and lovingly. We were so sweaty that his sweat that trickled down his brow fell on my lips and the sweet salt taste of him gave way to another moan “I hate that flustered face of yours, and your voice…”

He roared and shut his eyes tight while I tried my best to breathe.

_We’re actually doing it._

His hand wrested on top of my palms and gripped it tight. My bangs were matted against my forehead, I felt myself grind at him as he continued to smear calm murmurs in between kisses. How can he be so calm? I can't even breathe properly!

"Damnit..." I screeched, grinding my teeth to further scream.

“You can dig your nails deep into my back if it helps” he threw my hands on top of his back, delving deeper into me.

“Kim Minseok” I cried, letting out distracting little gasps.

_He feels so good. This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. I don’t think I’ll be able to think straight anymore, it’s like I’m on drugs! I still have school tomorrow for pete’s sake._

He pushed himself harder inside almost reaching the ends of me as if he wanted to break me further. He raised my other leg to gain more and more access and the other massaged my ass. He then began sucking my neck, making sure to leave necessary hickeys and love marks to it, it made him seem territorial, feral. He licked me until my neck was completely covered by his saliva as a mark of territory. He moaned into the crook of my neck when our hips crashed more forcefully that I think would leave bruises in the morning.

Minseok moans, deliciously and welcoming, quiet but only loud enough for me to hear.

_I am loud, I know I would be. But the way Minseok moves with such fluidity in thrusting inside me, it's exploding so many emotions in me like fireworks. I want to scream, but I'm afraid I'll be too loud._

_I can’t take it anymore, I can’t supress my screams. I need to…I need to-_

“Kim Minseok!-“

He cuts me off by sealing my mouth with a rough and violent kiss. He knew I didn't want to be heard, he knew I must've felt embarrassed. My eyes rolled shut and I just let him penetrate me again and again with the excruciating pain and the sensational pleasure travelling along with the spark of electricity running through our veins. As he offered, I dug my nails deep into his back and I’m afraid I’ve inflicted scratches on his broad and muscular shoulders. He groaned approvingly in my mouth nonetheless.

I could think of nothing but  _him_ : Kim Minseok.

“Baekhyun-ah” I heard him curse my name into the crook of my neck.

“Minseok” I bit my lip “I love you,”

_I do._

“I love you”

_I really do._

“I love you Kim Minseok”

_Oh be still my heart._

“I love you, I love you”

_So much._

“I love you Kim Minseok!”

In a matter of second, hot liquid dripped from the tips of my length as we reached the climax. A moment after I felt the same hot liquid inside of me gush as I heard Kim Minseok let out a gaspy and breathy voice and he came back crashing down on my chest and continued on thrusting inside slowly to finish what he started and withdrew once he was done. We had a trouble breathing, but nonetheless our lips met each other and shared a sweet moment of a tender kiss – one of those kisses that you get after a job well done I assume.

As our lips pull apart, a cold wind’s breeze flutters over the fires of our passionate love making, extinguishing the desperate heat that wanted to continue. Our breathing comes out in short desperate gasps for air as the intensity has washed away, the music faded and the rest of the world is slowly coming back into focus.

He planted a kiss on my sweaty forehead and rolled over to my side as our chests both heaved up and down in pure exhaustion while we stared onto the nothingness of the ceiling.

It was… _amazing_. It was wonderful, it was an adventure it was…it was  _everything_.

“Are you okay?” I heard him whisper that made me turn to look at him.

His face was so red and sweaty that it made me laugh, but the pain got ahead of me. He saw my face contort into a wince that he pulled me close and embraced me with his long arms wrapped around my body. He draped one leg above my legs and urged me to come closer as if he wanted me to hear his heart beating.

I wonder, does he hear my heart beat as well?

He better be because…it’s beating for  _him_.

I nuzzled my face onto his bare chest just relishing in his warmth that emanated from his body. I know he won't stay here for the night, so I'll savour all of him for now. Somehow, I feel sad just thinking about him going away.

“It still hurts” I murmured into him and smiled “But it was…great”

“Good” he planted another kiss on my forehead. He stroked my hair hushing me to rest well and it made me feel so safe to be trapped in his arms.

I wrapped my own arms around his torso and pulled him close, never wanting him to go. Not now, not ever. Just to be with him here, meant the world to me.  _He_ means the world to me. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Just to be with him would be everything.

“I love you” I whispered again.

He didn’t answer.

Instead, he just kissed me and kissed me until I melted and fainted in his arms and drifted into a deep and magical slumber.

This was a night I will never forget.

 

 

 

                                                                               

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun finally confessed! Baekhyun learned he was still a virgin! Minseok knows how to cook! So many things happened. What are your thoughts? <3
> 
> COMMENTS ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED <3 I LOVE READING YOUR THOUGHTS :">


	8. CHAPTER SEVEN: Distraction

 

                 

 

 

 

 

                             

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

I woke up the next day with a small note attached on the headboard of my bed:

 

_“I hope you like Avocado and Omelette Salad because I have one made for you on your desk”_

 

My head quickly turned to my desk with my neatly stacked notebooks and beside it lay the same dish he cooked last night for our dinner. So  _that’s_  where that aroma was coming from! I smiled to myself and began to read back on the note.

 

 

_“P.S. Don’t forget to wake up early. You still have school and I will mark you absent if you come in late. Haha”_

_“P.P.S. Be careful when commuting to school, I know you’re still in a lot of pain. Keep well okay?”_

_“P.P.P.S. Remember what I told you last night, don’t forget it okay? Keep it in mind”_

_“P.P.P.P.S. I look forward seeing you in school”_

 

 

I hopped out of the bed and rushed towards the Avocado and Egg meal he had prepared  _for me_! Does he really care for me? My beating and gleeful heart can’t contain it.

But still…

_“We never had sex. This is your first time”_

_“That’s a portion of the truth”_

A portion of the truth.

Last night I just learned that we didn’t actually had any intercourse in the hotel, but he did affirm to me I was drunk, and he didn’t take advantage of me. So…based from the clues I got from the day we played the strip-game: we watched the sunset as we drank to our heart’s content because of our problems.

Problems? I wonder what could that be?

That’s one of the truth that I need to extract from him to piece up the puzzles, but right now? I’m just happy to be eating this meal he made for me.

I love him, that’s what I said last night and accepted me. We kissed for the hundreth time, made passionate love-making last night and it was all wonderful. Up until now, I can't believe it all happened - it was all too fast. It was like a dream. A very beautiful dream.

School starts in an hour.

I wonder how this day will go.

It’s going to be different, that’s all I know.

 

 

 

 

“Someone seems to be in a good mood today” Sehun pointed as he noticed me humming to myself on my seat and it surely piqued everyone’s curiosity. I can’t blame them though, for the past few weeks I was this sulking and nervous wreck who looked like a ghost attending school but now, it’s like all of those bad vibes were lifted up from me and I reverted back to my jolly old self.

Actually, I felt very light – minus the pain in my ass.  _Literally_.

“Ah, I just found a good piece for my audition for MID School of Artistry” I lied and the unintentional goofy grin I had on my face helped the lying to be a lot easier.

Hmm, the audition. I haven’t even found any good pieces for it. Maybe I could seek help from-

Speak of the devil. As if in cue, Professor Minseok came inside acting all natural like it was just a regular day of classes garbe in his grey suit, his brief case and his brushed up hair, being his handsome old self. I blushed when he stole a glanced to look at me and we both shared a shy smile when we averted our eyes from each other. I grabbed my pencil and twirled it in my hands biting my lip to hold out the laugh that was meaning to come out. Lucky for me, Sehun and Jongin didn’t pay attention to my happy self for Professor Minseok asked us to bring out our text books.

During the class session, he had us read and write an essay about 'Memoirs of a Geisha' as our homework and the funny thing was, we weren’t supposed to read that for it wasn’t even in the reading list in his class syllabus. I wonder, why does he want us to read this book? I’ve watched the movie but I haven’t read the books honestly.

He asked us what we were to expect from the book and so this was the only thing I wrote down:

_“The story of a girl named Chiyo who fell in love with the Chairman. She becomes a Geisha with the help of Mameha and she becomes Sayuri and she became one of the greatest Geisha’s of all time”_

And that’s the entirety of it.

Is there something special that he picked this particular book?

I flinched the moment I felt his hand brush over my back as he passed through each and every row and column of the seats. I looked up at him and saw him wink at me. This just made me think he was making us take the essay as an excuse for him to come in contact with me. Well, he’s surely making a damn good work.

He passed by me again and brushed his fingers over my palm. I caught his hands for a second. The warmth of his hand sent shockwaves pounding into my heart beating along the same rhythym his pulses made and gently I let his fingers slide away as he went to the other tables pretending to check up on the others. I nibbled on my lip and chuckled.

_Oh Professor Minseok, being irresistible again huh?_

 

 

 

 

The bell rang. It was lunch time.

Everyone in my class dashed madly out to the cafeteria hoping to get the freshest cafeteria food possible. Sehun and Jongin weren’t in a hurry at all, or could it be because I was dragging myself too long that they were beginning to wonder if something was bothering me all of a sudden.

“Hmm?” I shot my head up.

“You coming to eat or not?” Sehun held out his wallet, waving it in front of me.

“I heard its Mac and Cheese week, this’ll be fun” Jongin said sarcastically, grimacing at the memory of eating the blasted cafeteria Lasagna. Let me just say, it didn’t bode him well when he went to baseball training that afternoon.

I couldn’t answer nor could I look at Sehun properly, I know I can’t for my mind was somewhere else flying across the school. Searching, wanting and thirst enveloped my heart. I didn’t feel any tinge of hunger for food, but I was indeed hungry for  _something_  else and that  _something_  was not in the cafeteria.

Finally giving my answer to them, I shook my head “You guys go on ahead, I’ll catch up”

“You sure? Do you want me to buy you anything so that you won’t have to stand in line? You can pay me later when you come” Jongin offered but I refused.

“No, it’s okay”

“Are you sure you’re fine? Do you want to go see the nurse? We could escort you, you know” Sehun too offered.

“I’m fine guys, really. I’m just tired” I lied  _again_.

Sehun and Jongin exchanged looks before finally nodding at me. They gave me one pat on the back, bid farewell and were out of sight. Hopefully they headed straight to the cafeteria and not intend to follow me for where I was going will surely raise suspicions. Making sure I was alone, I checked the hallways and was relieved that they were nowhere and that became my cue to run off.

I kept my pace swift and silent, walking around the empty hallways in hopes of not getting caught by anyone - easy enough. The hard part of it all was making an excuse on why I wanted to visit  _him_  again. I slipped inside the faculty room hoping that nobody would take notice of me.

I managed to get in front of his office without being seen by any of the professors in the faculty room, fortunate for me. My hands reached for the knob, but I hesitated. I held my hand and retracted it back to me as anxiety came rushing in me. What if he’s not alone? It’s better to check. I pressed my ear on the door trying to decipher any voices that didn’t belong to him. Luckily, there were none and only silence clouded around my ears. I sighed in relief and turned the knob –  _click!_

When I stepped inside, I didn’t feel any nervousness. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t ashamed that I came without an invitation, all I felt was this wretched feeling of surging relief when I saw his eyes dart up from the papers he was holding. His eyebrow twitched at the sight of me – mainly because he was astonished to find me unexpectedly to be back. I felt a bit victorious about that a little, seeing him get caught off guard once in a while. I could get used to this. I closed the door silently behind me and only stared at him with a knowing look. He cocked a brow up, anticipating what I was going to do.

But I guess he didn’t need to know what was going to happen next.

 

 

 

 

“Ah, ah, ow” I clung onto the bookshelves as he pushed inside me from my back. He held a tight grip on my waist as he entered in and out. We didn’t mind a couple of books falling on the floor, we were just so engulfed in pleasure that he kept on a slow and easy pace of thrusting just so we could enjoy and make the time we had together worthwhile.

His tongue slid, licking the back of my ears as he pressed his chest onto my back and tugged my slacks down a bit. I could hear his heavy breathing and it only heightened the atmosphere of the fit of lust I had. My heart was beating so fast I swear it'll run out of blood one day from all the pumping.

That rush of joy and uncontrollable desire, the adrenaline in my veins, he was a drug I couldn’t live without taking. Just to be in the same room with him felt like ecstacy and when we make love, I was transported into another world. Everything would disappear from my eyes and all I could see was him.

I moaned, quiet enough so that the others outside Professor Minseok’s office wouldn’t hear us. If they did, well, it would be  _so awkward_  and we’ll be in heaps of trouble.

The hand he placed on my stomach wrenched me up so I could be positioned in a more comfortable way – and maybe for him to push inside for more access. Heavy breathing and the rustling of the shelves were music to my ears really, I can’t take much of how amazing it all felt.

“Why do I get a feeling you’ll be visiting here often?” he groaned behind me, the words barely made it out of his lips.

I just stood there quietly and let him do the work.

_I have a weird feeling that he’s right. I might be visiting here quite often._

“Does it still hurt?” he ran his fingers on the back of my head, stroking my hair for comfort.

I winced once he made one hard push and my breath was knocked out from me. I whimpered below him, but I managed to speak “Like hell”

“Sorry, I have to be gentler then” he paced slowly and gently now. He leaned closer placing a hand over the back of my palm and clasped our fingers together. He kissed my cheek and went on and on for who knows how long we did it only for the lunch break bell to ring as a sign that I had to go back to class. He withdrew from me, pulled up our pants up and gave me one last kiss, “See you”

I smiled and hummed a giggle “I love you”

He blinked twice and smiled.

With one more peck, he guided me out of his office.

 

 

 

 

Basically that’s how everyday went that I never got anytime for doing anything else other than be with  _him_. I’ve tried going for the topic of why we never actually had sex in the hotel, but whenever I visit his office, we embrace, taste and kiss each other in secrecy and I would instantly forget the real reason I come to his apartment – or half of the reason.

Being with Kim Minseok, I became desperate. Desperate to see each other. We would pull each other out of nowhere like he did back then with the janitor’s closet. It could be in the library – how wonderful large shelves could be - in the chemistry lab, the men’s bathroom, basically  _anywhere_  we could possibly feel the urge.

And nobody ever suspected a thing, and we intend to make it stay that way.

There were times though, that he would refuse in seeing me. I don't have any slightest clue why for he doesn't tell me anything. It hurts when he pushes me away, I guess it’s because of the  _personal_ problems he keeps on saying that night when I  _actually_  lost my virginity.

There was a time when I went inside his office and he didn’t even acknowledge me. I brought an avocado for him and he didn’t even thank me for it. I got angry, a little over reaction just because he ignored me. Not even a “hi” nor a “hello” and I willed myself to go and walked out.

In addition, there was a day that he became reluctant when I walk up to him. He avoids getting close to me, he wouldn't even dare look straight in my eyes and would find solace in nibbling on his fingers as if he was trying to hatch an escape plan just so I couldn’t get close to him.

What is he doing?

It hurts, but I gave him some personal space. It’s not in my place to intrude and nose in his business after all. He’s not my boyfriend or anything…but he is someone  _special_.

That's why...that's why I want to help him.

He still hasn’t told me the reason of his actions and he would always tell me: “It’s nothing”. Most of the time he’d make excuses or just ignore me, but he would make up for it when we meet each other in private.

He’ll  _definitely make up for it._

Heck, I even remembered a certain moment when went into a vacant cubicle and oh, how we undressed each other in such a tight space. I tried being dominant, but he would never let me go on top. He liked seeing me cower beneath him, he was the Alpha after all in this  _relationship_. That moment when we planted silent kisses, one of my guild members named Chen went inside the bathroom along with others. One banged our cubicle door getting angry on how long we took. My face paled as white as a sheet, I didn’t know what to do. Were we going to open the door? How are we going to explain ourselves?

Professor Minseok turned to me and placed an index finger over my lips hushing me to keep quiet so he could handle the situation. He quickly dressed back up in his suit and placed my legs in between his waist as he turned around and opened the cubicle’s door slightly enough to show his face to the students. They all let out an unexpected gasps and made apologies towards him.

“It’s alright kids, no harm done” he smiled sweetly and closed the door once the students all went out of the bathroom. He returned to look at me and smirked “We need to find a decent spot next time”

“My house isn’t available any longer” I teased and earned a swift kiss.

“The clinic? There’s a bed there”

“Are you kidding me? Do you want some sick student to faint when he hears us?”

“Hear  _you_ , you mean” he poked my nose “You have a loud mouth Byun Baekhyun”

I rolled my eyes. Indeed, I was never a quiet lover.

“And we don’t want anyone to hear you right? I’ll get jealous when someone hears you moan” he licked my hands and sucked my thumb having me let out an exasperated moan “I’m the only one who‘s allowed to hear you moan, you hear me?”

I swallowed hard, a gulp sound echoed and bounced around our cubicle as he gave me a dark lustful look and a grin that sent goosebumps all over my body.

“And I’m the only one who’s allowed to  _see_ you”

_The way he said it._

_How territorial._

“This is funny” I snorted.

“What do you mean?”

“You really are so bipolar, you don’t notice that?”

“How so?”

“At times you would pull me close, and sometimes you would push me away, I’m just curious on why you’re being like this?” yes, he pushed me away a lot of times, he wouldn’t tell me why but it made me worry tons of times and now he suddenly goes territorial that I couldn’t pinpoint what he wants.

“You’re so selfish” I pulled his head close to me for a kiss.

“Forgive me for being so”

_“Remember, forgive everything else”_

_The promise he told me. What could it mean I suppose?_

“Don’t worry, I like you being this way” I told him and took his mouth in mine and relished the moment that he took me in. For the moment, he didn’t push me away.

In one instant, he picked me up from the bowl and pushed me onto the walls of the cubicle. He crashed himself over to me, locking his waist in between my legs and made-out to our heart’s content. He raised both my hands up above my head and once again, we were lost in a sea of endless dreams.

He was my first kiss, my first hand-holding, my first love and I can now finally confirm he truly is  _my first_. My first in  _everything_.

I’m happy that he is. I’m happy that I’m imprisoned here in his arms. I don’t need our relationship to be official, as long as we know how we feel about each other, I’m fine in being like this.

A  _forbidden love_.

A relationship that I hope, will last forever until the decay of time.

 

 

 

 

“Do you have any recommendations to me Professor?” I traced the spine of every classical book I laid my hands on as I searched through the shelves deep in the library. Minseok trailed behind me lost in thought for what I guess he must be searching for a good book for me to use for an audition. Either that, or he’s just ignoring me  _again_.

Figures.

“Minseok” I call him by his real name and it always gets him to pay his attention to me. I clicked my tongue and approached him to put a palm over his shoulder “Is something bothering you?”

“Nothing, nothing’s bothering me”  _lies_. I can easily tell he's lying and it gets me frustrated when he does it.

Is this how Sehun and Jongin always feel when I give them excuses that I’m okay? Now I understand why Sehun keep gets annoyed by me when I do so. It's getting on my nerves and it won't stop bugging me throughout the day.

I huffed “Are you sure? You’re acting all weird lately”

“I’m just tired with all the teaching”

“Liar” that was my line, saying ‘I’m tried’ and all and it was an easy lie.

“Excuse me?” he cleared his throat.

I gave him a quizzical brow, “Just cut to the chase and tell me what’s wrong. I might be able to help you if it’s bothering you this much” I went closer to him and hid our hands from any possible angles from people who can see us intertwining them, “Won’t you say it to me Minseok-ah?”

He played with our hands, tangling his fingers and stroking them with a caress. He had a small smile on the edge of his lips, but the look in his eyes betrayed him as he shook his head “Don’t worry about me Baekhyun. It’s fine really”

“You don’t sound like you’re okay. Come on, please tell me? I’m worried about you” I balled up my fists in his hands and pounded his chest with the other, “I love you, you know that right?”

I stared into him and saw his eyes weary and searching. Calculating even.

“I know” his voice was faint, a whisper littering with sadness.

“Then why won’t you tell me? You can tell me  _anything_ ”

He shakes his head once more before letting go of my hand and brushed pass me to go and find another book, completely changing the topic “So, any particular theme you want to center on?”

“Bullshit would be good” I had the full intention of bumpingforcefully on his shoulders almost sending him to knock out of balance. My emotions got ahead of me and I hope he could sense that I wasn't joking. He’s irritating me so much! He’s such a mystery, I don’t know what to make of him. He won’t tell me a  _single_ thing and it’s going to keep me up all night again.

He is  _always_ like this. Yesterday he’s all lovey-dovey with me, today he’s cold as stone and tomorrow he’ll be kissing me again and again in his office. If he’s going to be like this...I can’t take this kind of treatment! How am I supposed to keep this  _relationship_  healthy if he’s not open to me.

“Byun Baekhyun” he called out and ran after me but I didn’t stop, “Baekhyun”

I kept walking, slipping inside every new corner of the library’s shelves. I should be worrying about my audition right now, not his  _problems_. But damn, he keeps invading my mind that worrying about him is never out of the question.

“Baek” he twisted my arm and flipped me over to face him, his expression contorted into anger “Baekhyun don’t you walk away from me like that again”

“Or what? Oh, that’s right. It’s a  _secret_. It’s  _nothing_ ” I spat, jerking his hands off of me. He remained silent and caused me to roll my eyes “Whatever”

“Hey, hey don’t go” Minseok tried to grab me again, but I dismissed him.

“Why do you care? Oh, I’m sorry. That’s right, you won’t tell me. Why do I ever bother?”

“Can you stop being so arrogant and difficult?”

“ _Me?_ Difficult?” I scoffed “Look who’s talking!” I shoved him aside “Now if you will excuse me-“

He tugged me back and took me into a bone-crushing embrace. My eyes widened at the action for I was completely taken aback. I bolted straight and still in my place for we had never ever displayed anything so intimate in public where anybody could barge in on us without any walls to hide us from misjudging eyes. By this act, I knew he was serious for he will never risk doing anything like this that would stir a commotion.

I sighed, “I just want you to tell me what’s bothering you…I don’t want you to face your problems alone…let me be there to endure it with you”

I placed my head and nuzzled my nose on his shoulder, inhaling his familiar intoxicating scent that I have grown very fond of.

He leans away and holds my hand. He stared at it for a long time before facing me with reassuring eyes, “It’s no big deal really”

“Even so-“

“Just try to understand… _please_?”

He gave me an exhausted look and hoped it was enough to convince me to just shut up and agree. I had no choice did I? I don’t want to burden him further so I just bobbed my head in full understanding and smiled.

“Okay, if you say so… _but_ if it’s bothering you so much, always know I’m here for you…Minseok”

His eyes twitched and his shoulders tensed at the mention of his name and his expression flashed an unreadable look that I couldn’t pinpoint. He patted my shoulder and grinned.

“Thank you”

The atmosphere was thick with awkwardness that I took whatever book there was behind me and told him I needed a monologue for my audition so we could continue on with our search and forget this all ever happened.

“You want to monologue about body parts?” he had a sheepish and teasing grin as I stared at the book I grabbed: The Human Anatomy.

I shoved the book back and punched his shoulder letting out a laugh, “Pervert”

 

 

 

 

_Why doesn’t he tell me? Doesn’t he trust me?_

_He asked me if I trusted him and I told him I did…but why doesn’t he trust me?_

Those questions rolled in my mind in replay during class that I didn’t paid any heed of attention to the professor in front. Actually, I don’t think I can ever pay attention to any of my professors now because Kim Minseok bombarded my mind.

_“Just try to understand please?”_

How the hell am I going to understand if I don’t know what we’re dealing with in the first place?

I love him so much that I don’t want anything to keep him sad. I guess this is what love really is. You worry for your significant other even if it doesn’t involve you in anyway, because I certainly worry for him  _a lot._

_Brrrrrrrr!_

I flipped my phone open once I felt it vibrate from my pockets. I checked the left and the right to see if any eyes were going to catch me looking at the text message I received from  _him_.

_Minseok: Have you done your assignment in reading Memoirs of a Geisha? It’s been three weeks since I last gave it. I’m not making you an exception Baek._

_Baekhyun: I haven’t sorry!_

_Minseok: Aha! You’re replying to me. Mr. Byun Baekhyun, please focus on your studies._

_Baekhyun: Not my fault you texted me._

_Minseok: Just checking if you’re paying attention to class. Just like my reading assignment._

_Baekhyun: Read it with me. You **are** my tutor after all, remember?_

_Minseok: You sure that’s not the only thing on your mind?_

I blushed at the comment and bit my tongue. I will not allow myself to be taken down without a fight!

_Baekhyun: What about you? Is there something else in your mind? *wink*_

_Minseok: You._

See what I mean? Earlier he was all: “Ugh, ignore everyone” and now he’s “ _I’m thinking about you_ ”

A big fuck you Kim Minseok for making me flail my arms and squeal in glee and for making me look like a fool in class. Jongin and Sehun edged their seats away from me thinking I’m the craziest person they ever saw in their life. I gave them an awkward grin and slowly slid back to my seat like a turtle cooping inside his shell.

_Minseok: Something the matter? You’re taking up a long time before replying than usual._

_Baekhyun: I really wished I didn’t give you my number. You’re distracting me from class!_

_Minseok: Can I distract you further?_

_Baekhyun: How may I ask?_

_Minseok: Let me just say, I can’t wait to pin you down in my couch in the faculty room and strip your pants down._

I repressed a gasp.

_Minseok: I can’t wait to kiss those pink lips of yours._

Are we…? Is he actually sexting me now?

_Minseok: Let my fingers run through your shoulders and let it glide along your torso, your belly button until I could get a hold of you in my hands again._

_Baekhyun: Don’t do this. Not right now._

_Minseok: And I would massage you gently until I could give you a hundred enough satisfaction before I take you into my mouth._

Whatever he was doing it was working. I’m easily getting turned on for I could imagine his voice saying this to me. His breathy, raspy and caramel coated voice that sent my heart wild in my chest, pounding to escape. I clenched my fists feeling myself harden.

This does not bode well.

_Minseok: I would then flip you around and let you sink into the comfy pillows of the couch until the scent of our love making would be absorbed in seep through._

_Baekhyun: Minseok-ah…_

_Minseok: And I will enter you and make love to you until you would scream my name into the heavens._

_Baekhyun: Fuck you!_

_Minseok: Sure, why not? Meet me in my office love._

_Baekhyun: What-? You-_

_Minseok: See you Baekhyun-ah~_

My face was  _burning_ , like I was in a heat of a microwave. He was really good in distracting me, the way he slurs those words? It’s like the pied piper, with every tune he makes the rats followed him and I was the measly little rat that was being seduced by the secret music he plays in my ears whenever he opens his mouth.

I wonder how he could make sentences like that?

Oh, that’s right. He’s a Literature Professor, silly me! Of course he conjure and beautify words like that.

An Incubus at work.

Based from the days he treated me, when he pushes me away, I wonder…what's making him like that?

 

 

 

 

_Knock, knock, knock._

“Come in” he called from inside his office and like any other day I would make my way inside casually and shut the door behind me.

“What’s up?” I inquired gingerly trying to see what he wanted – apart from what we usually do when we meet of course. He sat on his chair and motioned for me to lock the door and I did. Afterwards, he tapped the desk in front of him gesturing for me to sit down. I approached the desk and sat in front of him.  I cocked my head to the side and smirked, “See something you like?”

“Definitely”

We laughed as he edged closer and propped his elbows on my lap.

“Any particular reason you kept sending me dirty text messages hmm?” I tilted his chin up to stare into my eyes.

“Just checking up on you, hoping you were listening to the professor” he grinned.

“That professor bored me to death, it was a good thing your naughty mind kept me up throughout the lesson”

“What have I done to have corrupted your head?” and with that, he pulled me into his lap and kissed me. He laughed in between the kisses and smiled, “Notice anything different?”

My forehead creased as my eyebrows met at the center.  _Anything differe-_

“Oh!” I tittered upon realizing I was on top of him. I gave him a I-saw-what-you-did-there look, “I’m on top, I wonder why is that?”

“Because that’s what you wanted right?” he winked and planted a kiss on my stomach.

_But it’s so sudden. What caused him to have a change of heart?_

“Minseok, something’s really wrong with you” I sniggered, “I’m concerned that something had hit you on the head”

“I just wanted to make you happy, think of this as a sorry for my behaviour earlier”

“Really?” I ran my finger on his chest tracing invisible circles on the fabric, my eyes twinkled with curiosity. The longer I watched him, the more that I realize something was up.

I mean, this is Kim Minseok something is  _always up_.

He read my thoughts and sighed, “Baekhyun, we need to talk”

Oops, there it goes.

I shifted on my position and hopped off from his lap and sat back on the table. So much for being on top that lasted for just a mere second. I crossed my arms across my chest and bit my lip watching his face contort into a serious expression. He looked so fidgety with his hands that tangled on their own, twisting and breaking with each other.

I waited for a long and agonizing time before he opened his mouth.

“I want to stop what we’re doing for now and focus on your studies” he said it straightforwardly with a blank expression.

_What?_  I blinked twice and cleaned my ears to confirm that what I heard was true. Did he just say we should stop?

“I know what you’re thinking but I’m getting ahead of you, listen to me first” he half-stood up from his seat and sat back down seeing that I have remained calm.

“Okay, I’ll listen to what you have to say” I gurgled in my throat and kept a straight face.

He took my hands and massaged it, “Look, I’m just saying you should focus more on your studies and for your audition”

“Ah,”

“And maybe spend a month studying hard and practicing” he stammered “And perhaps…we won’t be able to see each other in the process?”

“What!?” I spat, “What do you mean we can’t see each other? For a  _month_!?”

“I’m just saying this so I won’t distract you and the text earlier proved to be enough proof”

“What kind of lame excuse is this!?” I slammed my fists on the table “Is this what’s been bothering you?”

“And your constant worrying for me is another distraction, you won’t be able to study if you keep worrying about me Baek. I don’t want to be a  _bother_  to you!”

“I thought we went through this earlier in the library? It’s because  _you_  won’t let me  _know_!” I pulled my hair tight in annoyance “If you don’t want me to be distracted then just tell me what happened! Why are you being so difficult Minseok?”

“Look, I’m doing this for  _you_ ” he squeezed my hand but I jerked it away from him.

“For  _me_? What? Breaking my heart?” I gritted my teeth in pure anger, “If you’re going to do this for me, you won’t just blurt something out like, ‘oh Baekhyun let’s avoid each other so you could focus on your studeis’ like  _hell_  how the fuck would that help me? I’ll just get worried and get torn tenfold if that happens and  _you’re_ still the reason why I’m distracted!”

He stood up and glared at me. What, so it’s my fault? He walked over to the other side of the room and paced noisily. As Kim Minseok, I know he’s trying to hatch some kind of stupid excuse. I watched him go to one side of the room to the other and it ticked me off that he didn’t answer me straight forward.

Seriously, being with Minseok gave me nothing but a migraine.

But deep down, I can’t stay mad at him forever. I found myself walking over to him and hugged him from behind and that halted him in his steps. He threw his head back to rest on my shoulder and sighed heavily. I turned my head to him so that my lips could press on his neck.

“Why would you even suggest such a thing?” I mumbled gloomily against his neck. I searched for his hand and squeezed it tight, “Didn’t you consider that it hurt my feelings? It stabbed my heart, truly”

He swallowed hard and never heeded his attention to me. My eyes fell downcast and just let sadness wash over me.

“And Minseok-ah,” I beamed sadly at him and nuzzled my head on his neck “You were never a  _bother_ to me”

His chest heaved up and down taking a sudden deep breath.

“I hope you could see and  _feel_  that Minseok-ah” I closed my eyes and rested my head comfortably on his shoulders “I know it has slipped out so many times, but I just want you to know that I love you”

Silence.

“I love you very much Minseokie”

He snorted and spun around with his heel to face me, “Minseokie?”

“A nickname I just came up right now” I eye-smiled.

He chuckled and traced my smile in the air, “I should call you box-shaped smile”

“Box-shaped smile?” I scrunched up my nose, “It doesn’t sound so cute”

“But it’s you!” he pressed his hands together on my cheeks, “It’s the unique thing about you. Now, whenever I see something square I remember you smile”

I blushed and giggled shyly as I rested my forehead on his lips and he kissed it.

“I’m sorry” he muttered under his breath.

I pursed my lips to the left, popping a dimple to come out “Why would you say something like that really?”

“I just…I…” he buried his lips into my hair and smelled my scent “I just thought what was best”

“What, shove me away for a month?”

“I just didn’t want to distract you…”

“I told you, you’re never a bother to me Minseokie”

“I know. It’s just that…you have a  _whole life_ ahead of you. You have all the time and means to get your dream and I’m just this big block hindering you from achieving it. Because of me, you don’t study anymore”

“You’re not the problem” the tone of my voice cracked, almost a bitter tone that had urged me to cry.

“Oh yeah? Well, check your report card at the end of the semester and see the results”

“You think it’s  _your_ fault? No!” I laughed out loud and hugged him tighter “I’m just really a lazy person”

He shook his head with disapproving glances and clicked his tongue, “Then you should start working hard. You’re graduating Baek”

“I know, I know” I rolled my eyes.

Professor Minseok twittered and pecks my cheek before heading back to his desk and pick up some pieces of paper. He shuffled them and reached out for me, “Pick one”

“What’s this?” I blinked, analysing the pieces of paper he was reaching out to me.

“You asked me to help pick you out an audition piece, yes? Here, I printed you five of them”

“You found me audition pieces?” I was taken aback really, he searched for me?

“Of course I did” he stepped closer “Now pick one. The one you pick will be the one destined for your audition”

_I feel so happy! He got me audition pieces!_

_I love him so much. Thank you!_

My fingers tingled each time I pass one paper and the other. It wiggled playfully, chanting a silent eenie-meenie-miney-mo in my head and letting sheer luck that I pick a good monologue piece. Couldn’t decide any longer, I pulled out the one in the middle and flipped it back.

It was an excerpt from  _Memoirs of a Geisha_.

“Huh” I traced my fingers over the letters on the paper and nibbled on my lower lip, “It’s Sayuri’s monologue”

The paper contained a short monologue from Sayuri that said:

 

_“The heart dies. A slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes, nothing remains. She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.”_

  * _Author Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha_




 

Peculiar little piece. I wonder why he picked this one out?

Could it be so that I could study alongside my literature class and for my audition?

I looked up from the paper and titled my head to the side “You think this’ll be good? Even though I’m a guy?”

“You’ll be perfect” he nodded agreeingly to himself. He clasped his hands and rubbed it together, “Come, it’s getting late. You better go home now and get some rest, tomorrow’s a Saturday. Have a great weekend”

He was about to go back to his table when I grabbed his wrist and he stopped in confusion.

“Yes?” he blinked.

I kicked the nothingness on the ground as I flushed a bright crimson and felt my heart skip beats moreover when stared into his eyes.

“You know I’m a lazy person right?” I snickered.

“You said it yourself earlier, yes”

“Then you well know that I won’t study this weekend right?”

“Baekhyun…” he bellowed.

“Which is why, I’m going to ask y-you-“ I stuttered and let out a few coughs.  _Gah, I feel nervous_ , “I want to ask you out o-on…a-a…possibly a…”

“Spit it out” he laughed.

“I want to ask you out in a date”  _there I said it._

He blinked hard “A date?”

Yes, the notion of having a date sounds so weird. But somehow, if I could prove to him that being with him while studying  _and_ practicing for auditions is okay, then I’ll gladly accept having to go through with the date.

And, I want to spend some quality time with him somewhere where we don’t have to sneak in just to be together. Also, I want to be away from the house for a while, my parents keeps on fighting the shit about  _anything_.

“Just for a day? I want someone to hear my progress in acting. I want some second opinion and stuff like that and since  _you_  are the one who picked one of this pieces for me to recite, I would like you to hear it first” my cheeks burned warmer and warmer.

His eyes travelled up and down my body sizing me up and a look that said: is this for real?

“Interesting…” he smirked. He pondered on my offer for a long while, tapping his hands on the table and scanning the room as if he was trying to find the words and answers written on the walls somehow. He gave me another look of amusement and nodded “Promise me you’ll study”

“As long as my distraction keeps the same mind-set” I winked.

“Don’t push it box-shape”

And that sent us laughing until our tummy’s ached in sheer happiness and with that, I know Minseokie and I will have tons of fun tomorrow and we’ll just be there to enjoy it.

I’ll be there as a distraction from his problems, and he to be a distraction to mine.

“Please don’t call me that"

 

 

                                             

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTES: Can't lay off each other's hands huh? Naught boys :P and Box-shaped smile! Baekhyun has an adorable smile :D
> 
> Anyway, what do you think about the short monologue? I love Memoirs of a Geisha so much :">
> 
> COMMENTS ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED <3 I LOVE READING YOUR THOUGHTS :">


	9. CHAPTER EIGHT: Part of the Package

 

   
  
   

 

 

 

 

                               

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

It was a supposed to be peaceful Saturday morning, if only it wasn’t for my parents. My father took all of his clothes and packed his luggage to live with one of his friends. He slammed the door shut leaving my mother crying by the staircase. I didn’t want to bother her anymore, I just cringed from atop of the stairs and ran back to my room quietly.

_I can’t believe dad would just leave like that._  I curled up on my bed and pulled the sheets over my face as the world slowly came crumbling down.  _It’s coming to that point huh? Mom and Dad are going to get divorced soon…_

Tears threatened to stream down my eyes. The thought of having a broken family, I don’t know what to say.

I just feel… _angry_.

Don’t they ever consider their son? Do they even remember they have a son? I’m graduating for pete’s sake and here they are just fighting and strangling each other on the bottom of my feet for who knows how long?

_Forgive everything else._

The moment I caught the scent of Minseok in my sheets, those words came playing through my mind.

“Forgive everything else” I poked my lip and wondered if I can forgive mom and dad?

How could I? They’ve hurt my  _feelings_.

I might have a strong mind, but I do have a fragile heart.

I’m slowly crumbling down. But…

I rolled over my belly and grabbed my phone that began vibrating where it popped a memo: “Date with Minseok <3 “

Thanks to Minseok, I feel like I can face anything. Also, for being a distraction from all of my problems in the world.

I hugged the pillow beside me pretending it was him and tighter and tighter I smiled myself. At least with Minseok, I’ll feel safe. There was nothing else that I loved other than to be beside him.

It was a good thing I’m going to see him later, I really need to get out of this house for a while. I don’t want to hear mom cry, I don’t want to hear her say foul things about dad. I’d rather hear Minseok’s voice, only then I will find a reason to smile. Find Happiness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I sauntered my way to the local coffee shop in town with a bag in tow on my left shoulder and a quick drop by the store and bought an avocado – after Minseok’s Avocado Special I’ve been craving for the damn thing all month.

It’s been two months since that special night and how time flew by so fast, it’s already a cold September breeze that brushed pass my cheeks and October 2015 is just around the corner. My eyes looked up to the vast blue ocean sky as I was beginning to be enveloped by the wind that started to pick-up.

_I’m going on a date with Kim Minseok._ My lips couldn’t stop twitching to smile widely. This is just so exciting, really.

When I reached the hazel-nut doors of the coffee shop, I immediately spotted Minseok who sat by himself on one of the peppermint coloured seats where in the first time, I saw him wear something different and boy, does he look so  _fine_ in it.

He wore a white v-neck tank top his muscular and frames carved perfectly to fit him as if he was born to wear it. It showcasing those broad shoulders and guns that made my mouth water. His hair wasn’t pulled back like we usually see him have, instead his hair was parted in the middle and long enough to reach his eyes, and the shoes, they were a neon green Nike that was a sure show stopper. He looked like a completely different person to be honest!

I breathed in and recollected myself and pressed on with opening the door making little bells chime as a sign there was a new customer who just walked in and it caught Minseok’s attention for a smile immediately crept on his lips. I walked over casually to the table and was about to kiss him as a greeting when –

“Oops” I blushed like mad remembering we were in public and there were some elementary students that recognized me on the other table that might get suspicions if they saw me kissing a man. Gathering my senses, I clenched my fists in disappointment and plopped my bum on the seat just across Minseok.

“Hello” he spoke softly.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Why are you whispering back?”

I couldn’t contain a laugh and just let it out and he joined me.  _Silly, silly man. Always knows how to brighten my day._

“So, what’s the plan?” I shifted on my seat and placed the plastic of avocados on the table. He picked one up and fondled on it and gave me a knowing smirk.

“You’re the one who asked me out on a date, what do you think we should do?” Minseok twirled the avocado in his hands staring at it with amused eyes. I smiled to myself thinking that he found my obsession over avocado pleasing.

“I don’t know” I shrugged my shoulders, completely focused and entertained with him “I’m happy just sitting here with you in all honesty”

I saw him swallow hard but his expression remained the same. My brows twitched at it, but I swatted it away when he placed the avocado back inside the plastic bag and stood up, pulling his wallet from his pockets.

“So, you want some frappe? My treat” he waved the wallet.

“No, let me buy my own” I stood up and gently brushed my hand over him, still cautious that people might suspect anything about _us._

He clicked his tongue, “If you’re going to buy, you’ll have to rehearse extra harder later. I’m still your tutor and I won’t leave your studies and rehearsals unchecked Byun Baekhyun”

“Sorry Prof, take it easy” I shot my hands up in surrender and grinned.

“Sit down boy” he mouthed me as I scrambled on my feet to sit down on the peppermint couches.

I gazed at his slender back while he ordered a couple of cups just marvelling his beauty. I imagined the multiple scars I saw on his back whenever he was shirtless and wondered where they have all come from? I would trace them and wonder what stories the scars could tell me. Could he have gone through an accident? A fight?

Kim Minseok is like this giant board game. Only, I’m the only one playing and no matter what I do he’s like this puzzle I can never solve no matter how many times I pick and connect the pieces together, not even when I follow the exact image of the puzzle on the front box, the result would always be a distorted picture and never the real image.

He was a literature professor. He aspired to become a chef. He loves Avocado. He loves Coffee. He loves Katy Perry’s Unconditionally. He loves watching sunsets. He loves reading books. He’s twenty five. His real name is Kim Minseok. And I am his.

And yet, he was still a big mystery; a finished book filled with missing pages.

“Here you go, one vanilla frappe, seventy-five percent sugar as requested” he came back with twinkling eyes over his Dark Coffee and handed me my Vanilla frappe. He made himself comfortable in his seat and drank the hot coffee.“Oh, right. Box-shaped smile”

“Stop calling me that! It’s so…ugh” I grimaced.

He frowns, almost exaggeratingly. “So Byun Baekhyun, where to? Remember no dilly-dallying. You have to rehearse that audition piece. October is next month and I want you to be prepared”

“Hey, I’m a great memorizer. I can do the audition piece a week before auditions” I snorted at the paper I held that he gave me yesterday.

“It’s not just about  _memorizing_  Baek, you have to put  _feelings_ in it” he sighs and chugged his cup “I thought you’re the company manager of EXODUS Theatre Guild?”

“I know that! I just want to spend the day with  _you_  and forget about school”

“See? You won’t study nor rehearse because of  _me_. And you said by going on a” he lowered his tone “date would be helpful to you?”

_Seriously? Don’t do this to me._ I’ve already gone through shit with my parents earlier, I don’t want to spend my day staring at letters and gain a migraine. I came here to be with him, not his papers.

“Is that still bothering you? Minseok, stop letting it bother you, just let it go! Your mind can only take so much”

He paused for a long while and only the sound of clinking plates and passing cars were audible in the coffee shop.

“Just for a  _day_!” I whispered loud enough for him to hear and gently slammed my palms on the table “We never actually had  _any_  dates where we don’t have to sneak around school just to be together”

“I’ll only let you goof around after your audition. Think about your dream Baekhyun, to be an actor!”

Not taking it anymore, I stood up almost knocking the seat off and intertwined his hand with mine and pulled him out of the coffee shop. I am not going to fight with him anymore, I don’t want our date to be ruined only by bickering. _What are we, my parents?_

“Baekhyun you almost forgot about your Avocado!” Minseok calls me, but I didn’t care about the damn avocado, I just dragged him away from the coffee shop and went wherever I wanted to go.

The park? The Ice Cream shop? A Bookstore? I just let my feet be carried by the wind and guide me to any possible locations. I was blinded by rage, by frustration that Minseok began to question what happened to me.

When we got into one of those walkways covered with large orange trees in between a long winding road, he found the opportunity to pull me away from the street and hid behind the bushes where he twisted my arm and spun me around so I could face him. I bumped into his chest and recoiled when I found our face mere inches away from each other. He wrapped his arms around me like a cage so I couldn’t escape. I struggled in his arms, I pushed him, kicked him, I tried to spin around and hop off, but no matter what he kept pulling me back to him.

I shook my head and gritted my teeth when I saw his blank expression. Can’t he sense I’m angry?!

Striving to get out from his arms and sensing my fuming rage, he lets go of me. I tugged my shirt with a flick and glared at him. He just stood there and watch me swipe the plastic bag of avocados from him and turned with my heel.

“Don’t go Baek” his voice was threatening.

I shot him a deadpanning glare, “Watch me”

Slumping the plastic bag on my shoulders with my fingers, I trudged out from the bushes and into the walkway streets. I stomped out and about and never turned back. I was frustrated. Anticipating. Waiting. Because I know, any moment now he would pull me back and pull me into his arms.

That’s what we always do anyway. This love-hate relationship, this push-and-pull treatment. I tell you, any moment now he would-

Like the swift gust of wind, he swiped the plastic bag from my fingers and substituted his hands in exchange. I was dumbfounded when he did so. My head flipped to stare at him and hoped he would look back at me, but he didn’t. His eyes had dark circles underneath them, his expression was unreadable, his jaw was clenched his mouth was closed into a straight line as if he wore one of those neutral masks you buy in those crafting shops.

He held my hand firmly and secured his fingers tightly as if he was anticipating I would tear away from him. I wanted to tear away, people were starting to watch us with misjudging eyes and who knows if we ever bump to some students or other teachers from school.

Imagine Sehun, Jongin and Ms. Hyorin’s face if they learned Minseok and I are in…

Are in…what?

_These people kept staring. Why do you stare? I hate it when people just look at you, they judge you before they even know you._

Even though I perform on stage, I never liked it when people stare at me. I get nervous and scared when they do. Their stares…it was all unnverving…

“Just keep straight, don’t mind them. They are not there” he murmured into my ear as he leaned his head sideways. My eyes were still directed to the front and my senses numbed when I heard him “They are not there Baekhyun. There is only me”

I replayed those words in my mind and in an instant everything in my peripheral became but a blur and only Minseok’s presence was visible in my senses. Now, I felt safe from those disapproving eyes. I squeezed his hand as a thanks and continued on to walk.

He tightened the grip on our entangled hands and paced a bit faster on the long stretch of the walkway until we reached a plaza filled with various people bustling about. Minseok’s eyes searched around the plaza before he got us a bench. He patted the vacant space beside him and let me sit.

Minseok and I didn’t talk, nor glanced at each other. Instead, our eyes were focused somewhere else I would watch a lady strutting in her autumn dress with a poodle on the end of the leash, a toddler who cried because her brother broke her toy or even a man having some taste with that ice cream cone he looked engrossed with. We still remained silent.

This wasn’t the date I was planning. I was thinking of watching a movie together, eat popcorn, have a great breakfast, go dancing in a club or even just sitting somewhere to watch the stars but here we are, giving each other the silent treatment.

I’m a fool. I should have just shut my loud mouth up and agreed to everything he said earlier and just rehearse, but no. I had to be selfish and want him for myself for a day. He’s just doing this for me, for my future.

I am so selfish.

A ball suddenly appeared out of nowhere rolling to Minseok’s feet until it hits the head of his shoe. He picked the ball up and examined it wondering to whom it belonged to, but a flicker in his eyes said otherwise. It was odd to see someone fondle on a ball like that, it’s as if he could read words written on a ball – a memory perhaps that he suddenly remembers?

A frown became visible on his lips once he settled the ball on his lap, twirling it like a top. I just watched him quietly from my peripheral wondering what he was doing and as short for a pesky fly, a little boy came rushing to him and pointed at the ball.

“Is this yours?” he beamed at the boy who nodded rapidly.

“Yes sir!” the boy eyed the red ball adoringly. Minseok smiled tenderly and returned the ball to the boy who bowed thankfully at him, “Thank you very much!”

“Don’t lose it next time, okay?”

“I won’t” the child ran back to his playmates and with a blink of an eye, they were out of sight.

Minseok’s eyes lingered in the boy’s direction for a long time with a look of nostalgia – like that of when one takes a glimpse of the ghosts of their past. He sat there in silence for a long time like a statue overseeing the people of the plaza under the sun’s warmth.

I rubbed the nape of my neck, clueless on what I must do. He will never tell me anything so how would I know what was bothering him?

My hands snaked to pull his arm and wrapped it tight, I felt him stiffen and relax once I brought him to his senses. Without fear and blocking everyone from my view, I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder. Even without words, I hope he knows that I’m always here for him and that I forgive him.  _Forgive everything else._

Relief and joy came over me when I felt his head shift as he placed his chin above my head. It was nice to get a response from him, I feared we might never be able to interact again, and yet here we are. I tugged a small curve on my lips and looked up at Minseok where our eyes locked gazes. I squinted my eyes and he responded with the same action in telepathy. He drew my hand and hoisted me up and we started walking quietly.

We didn’t speak to each other. We just let the cold breeze, the sun’s rays and the environment glide us through anywhere we could go. Walking side by side, with our hands tied and swayed in the silent rhythym only we could hear amidst the noise of the plaza.

Even in silence, our hearts understood each other.

Unaware of my surroundings, I was astounded when Minseok stopped in front of a cinema house. He gestured me with his head to go inside. Throughout the movie, Minseok never lets go of my hand even so when we went into some book and shoe stores. I urged him to move in clandestine when some girls from my school were roaming around and we stealthily avoided them, but no matter how hard I tried to wrench my hand he would just squeeze it tighter and pull it close to his heart. After that, I never let him go.

We had a couple of laughter here and there where we completely forgot about our short fight earlier nor did I question his reaction towards the little boy when he went away and neither did I mention about my father leaving our house unexpectedly. I don’t want to bring it up, not now that I’m actually hearing him earnestly have fun with me – in a way that didn’t involve sex.

Just regular  _me_ and regular  _him._

I was not his student Byun Baekhyun, and he was not my Professor Kim Minseok.

No, we were our own people in our own little world.

I think he’s starting to see it now for he didn’t bombard me with studying nor the audition piece, instead he just took me anywhere we could go to play around and have a great day.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Minseok and I agreed to have dinner somewhere else. We didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention from people mostly those who we know if they ever catch us eating in a restaurant, so we bought a couple of take-outs and went atop a hill where the only source of light were either from the stars and moon above or the distant lights from nearby houses and the flashlights from our phones. I took off my jacket and laid it on the grass to place our food above it.

“Great! Let’s eat, I’m famished” I rubbed my hands together with the friction heating my palms up.

“You’re going to eat again? Didn’t you just finish two avocados?” he then gasped jokingly “Did I get you pregnant?”

“Stop it!” I playfully slapped his chest and blushed at the comment.

I grabbed a paper plate and used my chopsticks to dig some chicken out of the plastic containers. Darn I was so hungry that I’m pretty sure if Minseok doesn’t take his share I would get half of his. When my plate was full, I found him just watching me. I tried my best to ignore him and just chowed down on my meal like a wolf.

I’m hungry what did he expect?

But his gaze did make me clumsy for my chopsticks criss-crossed and they fell off my hands countless times. A deep rich laugh enveloped my ears and saw him clap in amusement.

“What’s so funny?” I blushed and shot him a playful glare.

“You’re just adorable that’s all” he continued to snicker.

“Yah! Eat your food!” I dug up a piece of chicken from his share and poked it on his lips. He scrunched up his nose and took a bite “That’s more like it, now eat your food before it gets cold and stop making me look stupid!”

He snatched my chopsticks from my clumsy fingers and picked the food he tended to munch on.

“Oi! Get your own chopsticks!” I reached out to swipe it from his hands but he leaned farther away from me.

“Let’s just share the damn thing” he said with a mouth full of rice.

“Eh! It’ll take longer if I have to wait for you, I want to eat!” my stomach grumbled in approval.

Minseok seeing my hands were in the air to grab hold of the chopsticks, he used his palm to pound my stomach sending me in heaps of belly aches to roll over the grass.

“Why’d you do that?” I cringed in pain.

“See that? You’re getting fat! Look at your tummy Baekhyun. You should go to the gym and exercise more often”

“Sorry but I don’t have the luxury of having the strength and willpower as you to go on exercising. I’m a lazy, lazy person. I love my bed too much that I don’t want to leave it” I sprawled my hands and feet into a long stretch like a star fish in the see of lush green grass where I could see the vast ocean of darkness above me with stars winking at me.

I let out a contented sigh just looking up into the heavens, it was nice to feel so at peace like this once in a while. Just letting the wind blow through the grass and tickle my ears and lay my energy at rest.

Moments later, Minseok crawled beside me and lay down straight and I followed suit in the action. We lay there completely admiring the night, we imagined the sky to be a sea and the stars were fishes. Minseok wiped the nothingness in the air telling me stories of constellations he read in an astronomy book when he was young. He’d point me where the big dipper could be found, or Orion’s belt and if we had a bit of imagination, he’d trace and connect dots from the stars.

It’s so nice to see him like this. Being open about his interests in astrology when he was a child. It made me happy that I get to know more bits and pieces about who he is, what he likes. It’s a nice change and I felt whole. He might not notice it but I am victorious in the accomplishment he was oblivious of.

We went on and on trying to make out bunnies and giraffes from the stars that the wind started to pick up. I shuddered in my spot and wrapped my arms around myself. Yep, the  _“burr”_  months September to December is starting!

I tried my best to stealthily move my hands in search for his and when I bumped him, I found a little comfort in at least having in contact with his warm skin. He must have noticed it for I heard him shift and in my peripheral vision he was looking at me.

Without saying anything, he slid his arm under my head and edged closer, hip-to-hip and ran an arm across my torso to pull me close. I closed my eyes and smiled happily. I rolled over to face him, flinging my arms around his neck for an embrace. Our legs got tangled in the process and Minseok locked it with a secure tug on my feet.

Oh how I wanted to drift off to sleep and enter the dreamland imprisoned in his arms under the watchful eyes of the stars, but a part of me wants to stay awake and cherish the moment.

“Minseokie!” I embraced him tighter. I sighed contentedly and stroked his hair, “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me a story about you”

“Wh-what?” he jerked his head off from my shoulders and gave me a bewildered look.

“So, you like stars huh?” I poked his nose “That’s good to know”

A rare sight, he blushed and set his eyes downcast. He avoided my gaze and all I could do was feel triumphant in getting him to show off these emotions. He fluttered his eyes back at me and crept closer. He played with my fingers. When he did so, it made me wonder what he was thinking. He was always in deep thought nowadays…

“Something on your mind?” I ran my fingers over his hair.

“I was-“ he paused, still in his daze of deep thoughts “trying to think of determining some way that I could show you how much you mean to me”

_How much I mean to him?_ I bit my lips and was taken aback at the sudden interest of doing so. I breathed in trying to compensate the marathon running of my heart’s pumping.

_This is really something._

“I’m listening, and somehow I can offer a few suggestions” I winked.

“Hold on to it then” we laughed casually together.

I fixed my position to get a good look at him and he followed afterwards. I was just too damn excited really. He kept on thumbing my nails, in search for words to come out perhaps? Anything that he would say, even just giving me a rock would make my life complete.

“I’m wondering something…” he parts his lips. “What will you do after graduation?”

_A question, alright!_

“If I get accepted in MID School of Artistry, I would continue on in hope of becoming a broadway actor”

He nodded solemnly taking in all the information I was telling him. “And if you don’t?”

“If I don’t?” I poked my lips. Actually I haven’t thought about it. “Then I keep on trying no matter what”

That sparked a great interest in him for it made him snap his twinkling eyes at me and a huge smile plastered upon his handsome face.

“It’s my dream, I should work hard if I’m going to achieve it” I rolled on my back and stretched my hands in a bow and arrow motion and as if I knocked an arrow in place and shot it to the heavens, I said “There’s a saying:  _shoot for the stars,_ right?”

“Shoot for the stars” he rolls on his back, a hand over his stomach “Yes, that’s the mind-set I want you to carry”

The way his tone sounded like the same nostalgic voice made me concerned. I rolled over my belly and hoisted myself closer so my chest could rest on top of his. He caught my hair in his hands and stroked it lightly.

“Don’t let go of your dreams, no matter what happens arraseo?” even though he sounded happy, the words somewhat…fell off his tongue and fainted.

I made my way to his face until our noses touched. “Neh,  _mother_ ”

Everything was going well until the mention of  _mother_  had my heart aching with the flashes of the images of their fight earlier this morning invaded my thoughts. I pulled away from Minseok and rolled over on my back with depression seeping all over me. He sat up in worry and shook my arms gently.

“Tell me” he whispered.

_Tell me he says._

Not only did Mom and Dad’s fight got me frustrated but it was also his persistence in wanting me to tell him what was wrong with me, but if I asked him what was wrong with him, he never tells, but I didn’t have time to make myself angry.

I gave him a long irritated sigh before speaking, “I haven’t told you the story of how my mom and dad keeps on fighting have I?”

He blinked twice before shaking his head in negation.

“Let me start off by saying: they are planning on getting a divorce” I said it straightforward, cold and harsh. I don’t care how I sounded, it’s just how I felt.

“Why? What’s going on with their lives that made them to come up to that point?”

I rubbed my hand over my face forcefully. “You see, mom caught dad cheating on her”

“Cheating?” Minseok almost choked.

_Yes, he fucking cheated on my mom, his son, his **family**._

“I know my father was a fucking playboy when he was young but I didn’t think he’ll have the balls to do this to us” I spat feeling the bitterness roll off my tongue like it was the most poisonous thing I ever said “Doesn’t he care what my mom feels? He has a  _wife_!”

The wind blew through our ears.

“He has a  _family_ ”

The flashlight of my phone slowly fainted and the battery ran low until it died.

“He has a son for crying out loud!”

My eyes began to water and I didn’t care anymore that it streamed down the corners of my eyes. I closed my eyes and covered it with my wrist, treating it as an absorbent.

“Doesn’t he care about  _me?”_ I croaked as memories of me and my father one by one burned in my memory. “I’m his son!”

I swallowed all of the foul words threatening to burst out. “And suddenly they’re planning a divorce? A broken family? Don’t they think about their son?” I sniffed hard “I’m graduating. Their  _only_  son is graduating and yet, they still decide to keep on fighting. Can’t they just find  _happiness_  that their son is finally graduating?”

The pain was tolerable but the reality? It was beyond unbearable.

“When I saw dad slam the door shut in front our eyes early this morning, I thought everything was crumbling apart. I never knew he would take it that far and all I could do was just watch in clandestine and watch my mom fall apart on her feet and let the agony and betrayal devour her. I couldn’t stand watch, so I ran to my room and locked myself there” I sniffed and coughed a little.

“Why? Why did it have to happen like that? Can’t they just make amends? Isn’t that what  _love_ is? You don’t care what the other person did because  _love_  is stronger than anything right?  _Love_ gives you  _happiness_  right? Then what caused them to be like this!?”

I wiped my eyes violently and shove it down to stare up into the blurry starlit sky until my vision cleared and saw Minseok staring down below at me - his face was emotionless like always.

_Kim Minseok…_

“I’m sorry!” I laughed awkwardly and hid my drenched face. “You told me I shouldn’t cry right? God, I look ugly”

He tugged my hands down exposing my awkward cry baby face but just seeing him, it dried my tears immediately. He traced his fingers all over my face until he could rest a palm on the side of my cheek.

“Life is hard” he repeated the word twice until I could nod, acknowledging him that I was listening to him. “Love is unexpected, sometimes it’s harsh and if you mix the two, things get very complicated.  _Happiness_ , now that’s another thing. You gain happiness through love, because literally  _and_ figuratively, Love is the master key that opens the gates to happiness,  _but_  in order to achieve love, you have to go through some list of words that I hope I won’t bore you to death in this unexpected lecture”

“I never get bored when I’m with you Minseokie”

“Then pay attention to my class” he laughs. He sat up straight and gestured to his face in a suave motion.

“Attraction” he wiggled his eyebrows that sent me in whirls of laughter. “In order to achieve a certain level of love, one must find attraction towards a person, someone who captures our heart. Even in the early stages, even if you deny you like the person, attraction is subconsciously urging you to get close to the person and befriend them”

_Just like how I felt when school began._ I blushed to myself recalling how many times I followed Minseok’s figure everywhere.

“Second is befriending – well, attraction and befriending can go vice versa but you know” he gestured another motion where he pretended to cling his arm over someone’s invisible shoulder and for some unknown reason, he used a French accent that made me tumble in a fit of chuckles, he even had a hard time talking because he too was laughing. “You got attracted yes? You want to get closer to him or her yes? Then you go to them and ask to be your friend, you try to  _get to know_  each other because you want to know their favourite color so when you bring a rose, it’s the color of a rainbow because that’s her favourite color!”

_I guess I’m at this stage, because I really don’t know anything much about him but that’s the fun part about going through the phases of love right? You crack the mystery of one person and the feeling of achievement would be bursting with explosions of triumph._

“When you have achieved closeness, you begin to flirt – I’m kidding, you create a  _bond_. An unbreakable bond that only you two could have. A bond is something unique that keeps two people glued together, whether that bond was created from playing soccer or even loving the same band!”

_Or eating Avocados._

His eyebrows twitched as his voice was slowly hushing into a murmur. He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply, unsure of his credibility on this matter or was it something else?

“Next step is confession and courting. This one is the point of no return part of the steps for when you confess all the caged feelings you mean to let out like a lion wanting to escape, you would either be devoured by the lion as a sign of rejection or you can tame the lion and let your relationship blossom further”

“Such analogies, much wow!” I clapped my hands like a seal. He gave me a loud  _shh!_  So he could continue on – he found it hard after chuckling.

“Here comes your favourite part” he winks ever so teasingly. “ _Passion_ ”

“Oh, you suck!” I pulled out some blades of grass and threw it to him who defended himself with his arms and laughed.

“When you get to  _passion_  “ he made sure to wink at me and I rolled my eyes “this is the part where it gets intimate. You feel not just physical and emotional attraction towards your partner but you feel  _sexual_ attraction that could lead to I don’t know, hand grabbing, bookshelf clinging, cubicle making-out sessions, a lot of moaning”

I punched his shoulder trying to get him to shut up. Clearly, he was referring to our secret activities. Teasing, emphasizing everything we have done for the past few weeks – he also gave hints on what we’ll do for the coming days.

He brushed me off gently and adjusted his shirt. “After you feel passion, it evolves into something more and more complicated. An abstract if you would like it”

“Love?”

He nodded solemnly and nibbled on his lips. The atmosphere around him _changed._

He took my hands and with a finger, he drew circles on my palms. During that whole motion, he never looked up to me and meet my loving gaze that was watching him peacefully and tenderly. We were quiet for a long time, like the earth stood still and we were the only ones in motion. Not even the wind’s cold breeze came to greet us. It was near deafening to be honest, but I was fine with everything for I was just sitting right in front of Minseok.

"Love is unconditional. Love is unpredictable. It is unexpected, uncontrollable, strange and most of the time unbearable” he murmurs, almost too quiet.

With those words, he clutched my hands tighter like his inner goal was to break my fingers. I winced at the pain but I shoved it off in the back of my mind. Right now, I have to hear what he has to say.

“Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not arrogant. Love is not rude”

He tickled my palms with his fingers that wiggled and a second after he pressed it hard. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on with his mind, but I know he was thinking and digging deeply again. His eyebrows scrunched, his eyes squinted, his muscles went from tense to relax.

“Love is abstract. Love can be concrete”

“Minseokie?”

He darted his head up to look at me upon hearing my concerned tone. He pressed his lips tight into a close and stared down back to the ground.

“Love is cruel, love is a murderer in disguise”

He chants, so quietly and filled with weariness.

“Love can lead to certain problems, hate, disgust and even hurt”

This time, he stared at me with a sad smile and pulled my hands closer to him.

“Even if you have the strongest relationship with one person, adversity can and will always be there to test you” the way it rolled off his tongue, he sounded like a tragic author of a story. “Even a stone can be worn down with enough rain”

I grinned at him, recognizing the sentence “You just quoted Memoirs of a Geisha to me”

“Not  _to_ you but  _at_ you” he frowns deeply.

_At me?_

There was a slice of silence only for him to quickly add “Your parents…you mentioned that your father cheated on your mother…I just want you to prepare yourself for what’s going to happen  _if_  it’s going to happen”

“You mean the divorce?” I clutched his hands tighter, unbelieving that I mentioned _divorce_ again. It pained me more than I thought it would.

“It’s possible, it depends on them really. It is not for you to decide”

“If they ever go under the divorce, then screw them”

“Don’t say that Baek. It’s not their fault that they are in a lot of pain right now” Minseok gritted his teeth giving me a disapproving look. “Forgive them”

“Forgive them? How in the hell am I going to forgive my father for cheating on my mom? How am I going to forgive him for leaving our family?” I shook my head in negation “How is it possible to make room for forgiveness for such a thing? Do you think our family will ever achieve happiness after all that?”

He sighed, almost giving up in pushing through with the conversation seeing my eyes lit with wild fire. Minseok threw his head back to let out a breath. He looked to the left and then on the right searching for anything, just  _anything_.

“When you achieve the level of love…” he began slowly from a murmur “you start finding happiness. Happiness is the one thing that keeps love fruitful. Happiness is a choice, it’s between them or in you who gets to decide if you choose to be happy”

“Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain, right?” he smiled grimly “If you choose to walk away in the middle of the rain, then you wouldn’t see the rainbow instead you’ll just sulk in a corner and let all the problems coop up in your head but if you choose to stand and watch, feel every bit of the droplets of water until it runs out, then will you be able to witness a magnificent streak of colors in the sky and know all the waiting, the process of going through with getting drenched, you  _trusted_  yourself to see that it was all worth it”

“Trust” he emphasized the word and made his voice a little louder.

_Yes, trust. That’s right. That’s what I’ve been wondering about him._

_Hopefully when he tells me his definition of trust, I would understand why he doesn’t tell me anything. Could it be because he doesn’t trust me? Maybe he has a code on why he musn’t._

“ _Trust_  is the final ingredient to love and happiness. Without trust, you can never have a happy relationship. Having trust and being committed is more important than love for it enhances your love. Whether it’s just friendship or a relationship all bonds are built in trust. Like the famous saying: Trust is like having a phone with no service. What do you do with a phone with no service? You play games”

“So…do you think – are you saying, mom and dad-“

“I’m not saying this to hurt you Baek, I’m sorry I’m just…I want you to be prepared for  _anything_. I told you before,  _life_ is hard and- please don’t start crying again” Minseok cups my cheek.

“I’m not, I’m just-“ my face twitched uncontrollably.

“I just want you to understand that, when you love someone,  _hurt_  is kind of part of the package”

He didn’t stop fondling with my hands. And brushed his thumb over my cheek.

“That is why I want you to  _forgive_  everything that will happen in your life and move on. Achieve your dreams, live your life, enjoy it while you still can”

I shook my head. _Why does these things happen to me?_

“Don’t think too much of your parents. I know it’s painful but if you let pain succumb you, you will never see the rainbow in the end of it all. This is why I push you to study, push you to rehearse for your auditions for MID School of Artistry because I want you to have a good life, despite of it all”

I didn’t expect us to be this melodramatic really. I thought this date was going to be fun and entertaining, but here we are yet again being our melodramatic selves. Funny thing was, we’re artists. He favors literature, I favour theatre. Is this what art has taught us? No wonder painters and artists were considered crazy, because now I was losing my mind.

And my mind was popping with endless questions. I know he wants me to have a good life, understand that problems are unavoidable but why does he makes it his obligation to do so? What caused him to do this?

“Minseok” I flatten out a serious tone that caused him to stiffen. We talked about love, we talked about happiness. If he says trust builds happiness and the theory that he doesn’t trust me, then is he really happy to be with me?

“Yes?”

“Are you… _happy_  with me?”

He blinked hard and kissed my palm. “Of course I am”

“Do you trust me?”

He was silent for a while but managed to speak quickly “Of course I do”

“Then why don’t you trust me in telling me the  _truth_?”

_There it goes._

The hands he held with mine, I swore I could feel his pulse running and beating through. His palms began to sweat and his eyes scanned mine wildly. He punctured his tongue to the side, touching the wall of his cheek.

“There are things…better left unsaid” was all he can say.

_Things better left unsaid? Hell no._

“But you told me that happiness is built in trust. You told me you’re happy with me, you told me you trust me and yet you won’t tell me the truth?”

“Not everything is needed to be exposed immediately Baekhyun”

“Then when are you planning on telling me?” I roared.

“When the time is right”

“When will  _that_  be? Twenty years from now? Fifty years from now?”

“Baekhyun-“ he tries to hold me hands firmly, but I managed to let him go.

I jerked my hands off from his grip and pounded his chest hard making him wince with the stinging pain. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, I’m confused, I feel betrayed and all the mixed emotions that was written on my face that I was not okay.

“Baekhyun calm down”

“Oh hell Minseok! Why won’t you let me understand? If you have an ugly birthmark on your butt or you stole a ball from a child when you were eleven I don’t care because  _I love you_ ” I shoved his chest with a strong push, “If you’re in pain  _tell me_! If you’re scared  _tell me_. I’m just here! I’m _always_ here…”

The tears that I thought has disappeared travelled down my face. A twinge of pain crossed Minseok’s face as his eyes twitched. I glared in a hostile manner that sent his adam’s apple to bump up and down.

“What are we Minseok”

“What do you mean?”

“What are  _we_? What is  _this?”_ I said it in a demanding tone, spreading my arms to gesture the both of us “We kiss, we hug, we have sex for goodness sakes! What is this  _relationship_ that we have? Is it for fun?”

“No” he croaks.

“Are we fuck buddies then?”

“No!” he yelled in protest, he took it with much offense.

“It seems like it!” I growled “You take advantage of my feelings so you can lay your hands on my body right? That’s what we always do! Heck, I’ve never-“

_Smack!_

There was a painful stinging pain, a burning flame that kindled on the side of my cheek where my hand found itself to press for comfort. A tear dried up in the spot of my pink cheek and that was the last of the tears that fell from my wide disbelieved eyes.

Minseok just slapped me across the face.

“Shut up!” he gritted his teeth and balled up his fists. He roared ferociously and it struck fear in my heart. I’ve never seen him so angry like this. Heck, I’ve never seen his eyebrows meet at the center because of rage and knowing that I was the cause of it made me feel ashamed of myself.

“You want to know the truth? Fine!” he gripped my forearms and let his nails sink into it. I whimpered in pain, but he didn’t care, he just kept on digging his nails until I know I could bleed. My ears felt heat as it turned red.

_I shouldn’t have pushed his buttons. I am a fool, I’m so selfish that I didn’t care about his emotions, his-_

He shook my body with anger, but slowly and slowly, his face reverted into a frown and set his eyes dejectedly at me. He shook me roughly and per second he stopped and gave up to let his head hang. Minseok lets go of my forearms and let the top of his head go down to bump into my chest.

_Minseok…_

As if it was the hardest thing he could do, he pulled his head up with a heavy heart and clasped both of his hands on the side of my cheeks. He frowned that the corners of his mouth dug deep. He brushed a strand of my hair that fell in front of my face away and stared at me with tender eyes.

“I told you earlier that I was trying to determine a way to tell you how much you mean to me…” he murmured a soft whisper.

I bobbed my head up and down, still in shock of the pain on my cheek.

“Then what I can offer to you is…the truth…”

_The truth. Is he really going to tell me now? Pinch me I must be dreaming!_

I scanned his eyes with gratefulness, while he searched in mine. I smiled at him and patted the hands the were on my cheeks.

“Take the time you need” I said sweetly, but his expression was unchanging.

There was something by the way he looked, I can’t comprehend it but there was a lot of hesitation. I picked one of his hand and planted a kiss, reassuring him that it was alright.

“The truth is…” he sighed gruffly “when I’m with you…I”

“Yes?”

“When-when I’m with you”

“You’re so adorable when you’re flustered” I tried making the atmosphere a little light, but it didn’t help at all. His expression was just the same. He brushed my hair up and pressed our foreheads together as he closed his eyes.

“Byun Baekhyun…when I’m with you, I feel like…everything’s okay” his tone was filled with forlorn and loneliness that I felt a tug in my heart strings. I was moved that urged me to embrace him, but I sat still, knowing that doing nothing was for the best. His voice cracked and quaked as he continued “You make all the pain go away…”

_Minseok…_

“And for once in my life…I feel safe”

He hung his head low.

“When I’m with you everything was washed away. I forget all the bad memories, all the godforsaken pain, all of the mistakes I made, even with just seeing your box-shaped smile it brightened up my world”

“Minseok I…”

“And because of you, I found solace. I felt like I’m alive again and I’m not this living corpse walking around the earth”

_Walking corpse? Solace? What is he talking about?_

“Because of you, I feel  _alive_ again”

“Y-you do?”

“But because you’ve become so important to me…I’m getting scared”

“Scared of what?” my voice broke into short cries of desperation. I need to know, I want to help him.

He shook his head “I told you to never fall in love with me. I’ve tried and tried to push myself away from you”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be a hindrance in your life Baekhyun,”

“But you’re not Kim Minseok, you’re not!” I pressed my forehead to him and the tears found themselves to come down once more, “What makes you say these things? I don’t care about what you did, I don’t care what you are, I just want to know what’s bothering you. I don’t want anything Minseok. All I ask from you is to tell me, let me suffer with you Minseok because I’ve given my heart completely to you and I want you to know I will go through everything with you, if you would let me!”

_Please let me Kim Minseok…_

“That’s the problem god damnit” he grinded his teeth “You’re so willing to give your all and it’s scaring me. I don’t deserve you”

“You damn deserve me more than anyone else Kim Minseok!” I sobbed and collapsed in his arms “Stop saying these things and hurt me again and again”

_You do me damage._

“I’m doing this so I can no longer further hurt you Baekhyun”

“What do you want? We end this here and now is that it?” I cried.

_Don’t do this now._

“I’m not giving up on you Kim Minseok, I swear it” I gulped down all the foul words I wanted to scream at him, “I love you and I’m not giving you up that easily and if you love me too, you would do the same right?”

No response.

“Right?”

His lips found mine once he pulled me up. He pinned me down gently on the bed of grass and kissed me and gave me silent words through each brush of his lips on mine. He didn’t need to tell me anything for in the kiss, he communicated to me everything he felt.

Sorrow, loneliness, apology and care.

I let him kiss me, let his tears drop into my eyes. Let him tell me through it all what words he couldn’t voice out.

“I’m sorry” he wept in between the kiss “I’m so sorry I said those things”

“It’s okay, I  _forgive_ you” I said it meaningfully and as our inside joke.

A tear fell upon my cheek and I wiped his eyes.

“Curse you Baekhyun” his voice was a hoarse whisper.

_Eh?_

“What did I do?” I didn’t know whether I should laugh or be offended.

He smiled brightly, his eyes disappearing in the process. He grabbed my hand and placed it over his heart where I felt him beat with thunderous like horses galloping in the meadows. I could almost hear it visibly enough that made my cheeks blush in happiness.

“Curse you for making me fall so deep for you” he bit his lower lip and squeezed the palm over his heart.

I threw my head back with tears of joy stream out of my eyes. I took Minseok’s lips in mine again and we rolled over the grass with laughter that echoed throughout the horizon with hearts beating as one under the starlit sky.

 

                                              

 

  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to The Walking Dead Beth and Daryl shippes! True isn't it? That when you love someone, hurt is kind of part of the package. Now I wonder, do you truly believe that when you love you always have to bleed?
> 
> COMMENTS ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED <3 I LOVE READING YOUR THOUGHTS :">


	10. CHAPTER NINE: Together

 

 

 

 

 

                                

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

“Shoulders back, feet apart, stand straight and- hey, don’t slouch. Stand up and rehearse!” Minseok pounded the meter stick on the desk, “Again!”

My sweat trickled down my neck feeling all the while nervous. Minseok clicked his tongue and sent another whip of the meter stick.

“You’re not going to rehearse? Do you want to be a failure?” he growled.

_Damn he is scary._

“Then stop squirming in your place or else I will kick you out and I don’t ever want to see you again!” Minseok slammed the meter stick onto the floor sending it to fly off to our seats. Ms. Hyorin and Professor Yixing raised their feet to fold up their chair while the other guild members cowered behind, slowly letting the ground eat them whole off their seats. Minseok pinched the bridge of his nose, “Mr. Byun Baekhyun, what do you have to say to your lead actor?”

“I’m sorry Baekhyun hyung! I’m sorry Professor Minseok!”

“Chen, the play is next week. Go on and hug Yeri and memorize your lines! You be grateful that I’m here right now to see how your progress is and I have my MID auditions at the same day next week!” I shook my head in disappointment.

“Your Company Manager is correct, you should listen to him because he’s sacrificing his time for preparation so he could prepare  _you_  guys! People its  _October_ ” Professor Zhang added, “I know you’re all sad that he won’t be there to watch your production, but he’ll be disappointed if he learns that all of you disgrace the Guild’s name!”

“Mianhe! Mianhe!” Chen plopped to the floor into a bow of apology and agony. I felt pity for the guy, Minseok and Professor Yixing had been torturing him all morning and our lead actress Yeri caused him nothing but bruises and severe pain whenever he commits a mistake by missing the right note.

“Chen, stand up” I really felt sorry for him that I had to brisk my way to hoist him onto his feet. I patted his shoulder and quirked a sincere smile just to ease his anxiety “Don’t worry, don’t be nervous. Enjoy your role, love the stage. If you’re nervous about the people watching you, don’t be. Just imagine they are not there, just imagine they are fields of flowers”

“But the setting is in prison” Chen quirked.

“The more the merrier you’re going to imagine they are fields of flowers because your character, Jean Valjean wants to be free!” I pulled Chen up to the stage and pointed around to the audience “Put your shoes in the character’s shoes. Feel what Jean Valjean feels, he feels anger, sorrow and regret right? If you commit a mistake  _act_ it out and not just pretend you didn’t make a mistake but  _sing_  it and I swear to you, it will give them goosebumps”

To give my dongsaengs motivation, I made a few demonstrations of singing and acting and a couple of tips on how to hide your mistakes that send “oohs” and “aahs: everywhere. I would hear some people would swoon, hear some of them praise me for my singing but all of the soul and heart I poured was for Minseok who smiled in secret in the back of the auditorium. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling even though it was a sad song so I kept on going.

“You sang beautifully Baek” Minseok was breathless as he unbuttoned my jeans and pulled me up to sit on top of a dusty drawer. After I demonstrated a little bit of acting and singing, we quickly hid in one of the old props storage rooms near the auditorium. For the past month, we had never found any remedy to stop our hidden desires. Even with one stare, we were seduced with one another. In any given opportunity during the day, we wanted to reach out to each other. And now, this was one of the few places we could do so.

I smelled his hair that was drenched in sweat. He pulled both my pants and underwear down and knelt on the floor, “Is this my reward then?”

“I could stop if you don’t want it” he smirked darkly under me. I didn’t stop him though, I  _craved_ for him. Minseok raised my legs and took my manhood in his mouth and bobbed his head to taste every bit of me. I moaned quietly and squirmed in my place, feeling his warm and wet tongue play around. My toes and fingers curls up, reacting to the surging amount of pleasure he always gives me. Minseok would cover my mouth with his hands to prevent me from moaning anymore louder – I was never a quiet lover.

My breath trembled when he pressed gentle kisses instead of taking it all in. He was just plainly teasing me now and it’s making my head spin in full frantic circles. In automatic, my hips bucked up and let him take me deeper and suck harder.

As Chen’s voice bounced and echoed through the walls of the auditorium and the storage room, slowly a crescendo rising to reach the high pitch of the song, I screamed in satisfaction and melted into Minseok’s arms. He caught me and murmured comforting whispers as he slipped my pants back on and we both lay on the floor. I played with his hair and admired all of him.

“I’m so nervous about the audition” I traced circles on his chest, “I’m so sad you won’t be there”

“I really can’t go?” he pouted.

“Darling, if you only knew how much I want to take you there. I know with you, I can do just about anything”

He had a grim smile and planted a kiss on my lips “Even  _without me,_  I know  _you can do_ _everything_ ”

There was a call from one of my guild members who was in search of Minseok for the blockings on the stage. I rolled my eyes and grunted in annoyance that they had to cut our special moment. He ruffled my hair and pulled me to stand.

“One of these days I’m really going to burst. I can  _never_ have anymore alone time with you with people popping out every now and then now that it’s October and everyone’s hella busy” I flipped my bangs from my face.

Minseok took a peek from the door and checked the vicinity of any possible signs of guild members or Ms. Hyorin and Professor Yixing before we could come out. We took at least two feet away from each other and walked casually.

“Professor Minseok? Professor Minseok!” one of our female guild members called out.

“Why do girls sounds so desperate when they call you. Are they still flirting with you?” I narrowed my eyes expectantly at Minseok.

“Sometimes” he chuckled.

“And you enjoy entertaining them?” I hissed.

“Perhaps” he teased “Are you jealous?”

“Do I sound like I’m jealous? Oh sure, just go ahead and flirt with Seulgi, Wendy, Irene, Yeri and Joy for all I care” I violently shoved my hands in my pockets and briskly walked ahead of him.

“Don’t worry Baekhyun, it’s not me who runs after them.  _They_ run after  _me_. Let them run because no matter what they do,” he said and even though I couldn’t see him from behind me, I know he was grinning “I will always _chase you_ ”

Ah, the silent sound of cheers for victory rung around Minseok as he passed me with an accomplish smirk. Once again, he caught my heart. I forcefully pushed him inside the auditorium doors completely hiding my flustered face from his gaze.

_This guy really._

The rehearsal for EXODUS Theatre Guild went for hours and hours and I was pretty impressed on how much improvement they made and I’m sure the play is going to be a success next week. I’ve already boasted to Sehun and Jongin that it’s going to be spectacular and those two are really judgemental when it comes to plays. They’ve always make fun of my roles – but they are my best friends. Of course they do that.

I leaned back on my chair, making another run through over the Memoirs of a Geisha. I pictured it in my mind again and again on how I should absorb the emotions of Chiyo – or in this case, Sayuri when she remembers the Chairman or how her belief in being a beautiful Geisha as not what she expected.

_“The heart dies. A slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes, nothing remains. She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.”_

Professor Zhang noticed me and pulled a seat, “Is this going to be your winning piece?”

“I hope so” I waved the paper in my hands, grinning proudly at Professor Yixing who squinted his eyes and adjusted his glasses to read the excerpt.

“Fascinating little piece. You picked that out?” he brushed his fingers over the written words.

“Yep, I thought it was nice” I lied and took a glance at Minseok who stood beside Ms. Hyorin silently watching Yeri stab Jongdae with a wooden sword after committing another error.

I couldn’t help but let my eyes bulge in jealousy and becoming a green-eyed monster when Ms. Hyorin draped her hand over Minseok’s back and he didn’t do anything to shake her off. Up until now, I still don’t know what their relationship is, all I know was he mentioned she was his best friend. Being lost in my pool of envy, I was unaware that Professor Yixing had already asked me questions. I apologized for the delay and answered them swift, and automatically my eyes would lock at Hyorin and Minseok’s tandem.

Hyorin must’ve cracked a joke for I saw Minseok’s mouth open wide and heaps and fits of laughter came out. A loud laugh that not even I could have possibly give an effect to him. If only the script in my hands wasn’t for my audition piece, I would have ripped it to pieces. Nevertheless, I nosed my way to the words and continued to rehearse quietly in my seat.

Minseok and Hyorin have been close too lately, whenever I visit the faculty room I would catch him, Hyorin and Professor Zhang, but I might be too delusional. Maybe they are just talking about the play, but it doesn’t feel like it’s the play.

No matter how I try though, I couldn’t stop scraping the wooden chair I sat on while observing Minseok and Hyorin from afar. Minseok placed both of his hips when Hyorin clasped both her hands together. She leaned in close –  _so close,_ don’t even touch him – and Minseok in response leaned his ear close to her lips where she whispered something that shocked Minseok for he recoiled away with wide eyes. Hyorin shook her head and smiled dejectedly at Minseok, but he was still in a state of shock.

I wonder what they were talking about?

“Company Manager, someone’s here to see you” an apprentice called out from the door completely taking all my attention from Minseok and Hyorin. I turned my attention to the door and there popped Jongin’s head. Instantly, I hopped from my chair and walked over. I glanced at Minseok one last time and saw him follow my figure as I walk over to Jongin – I was glad he never lost sight of me even with Ms. Hyorin.

“Hey Nini, what’s up?” we gave our secret best friend handshake and rested my back on the doorway.

“Are you guys done rehearsing? Because Sehun and I were wondering if you wanted to go and play Guitar Hero with us. Sehun bought a mic now, you can sing the vocals so we can totally play and rock out like a band! Minus the bass guitar” Jongin retreated his steps avoiding any glimpse of seeing the theatre set – I’m somewhat grateful, but he didn’t have to do it anyhow.

I popped my head inside the auditorium to look at Minseok and then back at Jongin. How long has it been since I last hung-out with Sehun and Jongin? All these months I’ve been with Minseok that I have never given any thought of my social life.

“Sure! Why not? As long as you guys pay for the pizza. I’m kind of broke. I need to start my savings for MID School of Artistry” with my confirmation, Jongin jumped for joy.

“Great! After my baseball practice, let’s all meet by our table in the cafeteria” Jongin gave me another high five and went off. My eyes followed Jongin until he was out of sight.

I should tell Minseok that I won’t be around later to rehearse. I better go and-

“Baekhyun” in cue, I found him standing behind me.

“Yes?” whenever I see Minseok, I couldn’t help but smile. Automatically, I tugged his necktie and pulled him back to the storage room. I leaned on one of the worn-out dusty grey walls with one knee slightly bent so I could look up at him – I was an inch taller than him you know, “Yes Minseokie?”

He turned his gaze to the door of the storage room for a long time before he looked back at me. My face twitched, thinking that whatever he wanted to tell me might have to do anything with Ms. Hyorin based from his reaction earlier when she whispered something to him. My face turned grim.

“I won’t be able to help you rehearse for your audition later-“ I couldn’t help but cut him off.

“Any particular reason why?” before I could tell him about me and Sehun and Jongin’s outing, I needed to know what he was going to do.

Minseok remained quiet for a while and for some unknown reason, his head would always turn away and stare at the storage room door. He scraped his nails, showing bits of signs of anxiety. I became more suspicious.

“Does this have something to do with Hyorin?” I whisked my attention away from him and stared into one of those dusty props. I averted my gaze because I was readying myself on what he was going to say. In my peripheral vision, Minseok honestly nodded and with each bob of his head, an arrow pierced through my heart. I closed my eyes in doom and shook my head, “Where are you two going may I ask?”

“The hospital”

“Hospital?” I fluttered my eyes in perplexity and went back to him.

“I just…need to see something. Confirm if it’s true” his eyes were downcast, his fists and jaws were clenched.

“What do you mean? What do you need to confirm?” I blinked twice, “Is Ms. Hyorin sick? Is she alright? Is she-“

A toxic taste rolled over my tongue, a poisonous thought, a horrifying image. I didn’t continue to talk anymore. I don’t want to bring that topic up, I don’t want to imagine it being real. Minseok, didn’t speak nor whisper either. I bit my lip and looked up to the ceiling to prevent the tears to fall off my eyes.

I don’t want to think about it.

“Uhm, it’s alright because I’m going to hang-out with Jongin and Sehun also later” I changed the topic. He didn’t react. I pressed our hands and swayed them, “Just…text me later alright? Update me in anyway you can, please?”

He nodded, I guess he didn’t trust his voice for him to speak. I understood him and just let all the positive thoughts sink into me rather than the bad ones.

I pecked my lips on his mouth and poured all my love and worry for him and hope he received those signals, because I’m afraid of what’s to come. The future is scary, you won’t ever know what’s going to happen. No one can ever predict it, and hopefully with one simple act of a kiss, it could change the course of our lives.

“I love you” I said.

“I know” he walked away.

That night, in Sehun’s house when we played Guitar Hero, I didn’t bother to text him. I didn’t want to be a bother to whatever he and Ms. Hyorin was going to do in the hospital. I  _trust_  him enough that I know he won’t do anything to hurt me.

I trust him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Sehun: Good luck Baekhyun! You can do this!_

_Jongin: My team wants to give you a video message and cheer you on! Go Baek!_

_Professor Zhang: Baekhyun, EXODUS Theatre Guild wants to say something to you!_

_Everyone: Good luck Company Manager Byun Baekhyun!_

 

 

I couldn’t repress the tug of my lips to shot a wide smile. I watched each and every video messages my friends tagged me, may it be from my elementary classmates, high school classmates, my theatre guild, Jongin’s team, Sehun’s dance crew. I was thankful for each and everyone of them for I needed all the encouragement and strength for this special day.

“See? Nothing to be nervous about. Everyone’s cheering you on” Minseok turned the wheel on his car. We were on our way to MID School of Artistry just like the invitation Principal Sooyoung gave me the day Professor Yixing gave me the letter. Today was October 25, 2015 and I am ready.

“I’m ready, I can do this. I feel so up and excited!” I wiggled my hands and huffed continuous breathing exercises.

“Got your music?” he suddenly became my personal checklist whenever we would rehearse and I was thankful.

“All set and all instrumental, check!” I brought a CD out and shoved it back it.

“Monologue script just in case for last minute memorizing?”

“Checkeroo!”

“Anti-anxiety food?”

“Avocado shake check!”

Finally, the car stopped in front of the huge golden gates of MID School of Artistry where students and various people roamed. I could easily determine those people with colored hairs like pink and blue were from MID because based from the stories I heard, they don’t have any dress code policies. This was super exciting!

“Here we are then” Minseok pulled the hand break. I pressed the release button of the seatbelt and breathed in. My fingers became numb, my heart skipped beats and my lips trembled. I looked over to Minseok and gave him a nod for farewell, but he grabbed me back and plopped me to the passenger’s seat.

“One more thing for the checklist” he said and leaned close to kiss me and I wish the kiss never ended because I when he left mine, I felt hollow and cold. He patted my shoulder, “Good luck kiss for the brightest star in the planet Byun Baekhyun, with best wishes from Kim Minseok”

“Thank you Minseokie” I squeezed his palms.

“You’ll be perfect”

“Wish the kids good luck for me” I referred to my Theatre Guild’s play today.

He pursed his lips into a straight line “I will”

I closed the door of the car and watched him drive off until he was out of my line of sight.

Millions of thoughts ran through my head that day: Will EXODUS Theatre Guild work the play well? What would Principal Sooyoung look like? I hope I can nail this audition, how many people are going to audition for the school? Will I be able to finish this avocado shake? Will I vomit in pure nervousness?

Most of all, I will do this for my future.

For  _our_ future.

For Kim Minseok and I.

That became my mind set throughout the audition, throughout the exams, throughout the months in my last year in high school. The goal to strive for excellence and reach for the stars like what Minseok wanted me to do. I was doing this not only for me, but also for him and I will keep doing this until I could graduate.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The months flew by, everything was just quick as a gust of wind. A lot has happened this year and it was all swift as drifting off to sleep that I didn’t even remember passing that day.

Minseok and I?

We never tore apart from our relationship ever since.

There were times though that we wouldn’t be able to be together due to some  _circumstances_  he had. I never bothered asking him, I didn’t want to be nosey because it’s not my problem, so I let him be and do everything. I trust him. I’m just relieved that Minseok would always come back to me no matter what and that’s what counts right?

Minseok and I celebrated a simple dinner with the Guild Members in a restaurant that weekend after the play and my audition and secretly made out in the bathroom – but I have to skip that story, I’m too embarrassed to tell you all that a grandfather saw us. Luckily for us, he wasn’t wearing glasses for he mistook us for statues in display. Minseok and I never got tired of laughing about it.

We didn’t meet each other for Christmas for I went over to my aunt’s house with my mother. Dad never came back, that was something I've gotten used to. Minseok went out of town as well – with Ms. Hyorin - but the good part was he would always call me and update me whatever was happening.

“I just wanted to hear you voice” he said and it sent me rolling over the snow outside of my aunt’s house where she gave me looks of being weirded out.

New Years? I didn’t get to see Minseok during New Years. He said he was out of town, so I celebrated it with Sehun and Jongin for my mother went back to my aunt for company and my father? He hasn’t come back still.

Upon returning back to school I made sure to corner Minseok in his faculty room and kissed him until his lips could go sore. Our hands went frantic! We missed the touch of each other’s skin, each other’s scent and voices that we didn’t care to make our moans audible. We treated it that we were the only people in the world.

“Kiss me” I would command him and he would obey. “Hold me” he never lets me go. “Touch me” and he would trace my spine with his fingers. “Fu-“ without even letting me finish my sentence, he would push me down to the floor and send signals of hot sensation and electricity throughout my body. “Love me” he made sure to hold my heart close.

I don’t even remember going through prom for in the middle of the dance sessions, the ones where you ask someone to dance with you? I sneaked out and met  Minseok in our favourite place where it all started: the rooftop.

There wasn’t any music. Only my voice that created a song only the two of us could understand. Only for us to dance and sway to. Only for us to hear.

A song  _only for the two of us_.

I clung my arms around his neck and draped along him. I pressed my mouth onto his shoulders and closed my eyes and in response, he rested his head on the side of my temple and pulled me closer to him and with a slow dance…

Under the stars, I wondered…

What did I do to deserve you?

It was all just damn perfect.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Hah! You lost again!” I sprung up to my feet and gave him a little victory dance by wiggling and flailing my arms in the air.

“How do you even win like that? What is the technique? Tell me! I am  _dying_ to know!” Minseok slammed his fists in defeat.

“I’m awesome that’s why” I stuck my tongue out and sat back down, “Another round?”

I held my hand and he grabbed it without question. We gripped each other’s fingers and popped our thumbs out.

“I won’t lose to you this time!” he challenged me with a laugh.

“You can’t beat the-“ I took a pen and drew a mustache on my thumb with two dots for eyes “The Champion of Thumb Wrestling, Macho Undertaker!”

“Aha! But my aspiring thumb wrestler” Minseok swiped the pen from my hands and drew his own version, “The adorable Avocado Warrior Baekhyun will not meet defeat today against the Macho Undertaker!”

My face immediately flushed when he revealed a cute little doodle of my face. A puppy, if you could compare to it. My heart panged in my ears and I couldn’t stop the big smile that curled up on my lips, a sweet and ardent smile. However hard I try to resist, my lips just keep grinning. I feel as bright and airy, like a magical, tantalizing fairy.

It’s been nine months since we’ve been together.

Almost a year together huh?

Half a year with thousands of emotions twirling, like the bright coloured Autumn leaves swirling and whirling fantastic trails, in my head. An addictive drug that palpitated my heart whenever I catch a glimpse even a strand of his hair. With the touch of his skin bursts bolts of electricity to search all around my body. All of it was because of one person.

An incubus in disguise named Kim Minseok.

“Yah! Let’s just go through with it and let me burn you to the ground!” no matter how I try, the bright pink shade of my cheeks never withered away.

A twist of his thumb, he ran after to tackle mine. I dodged and hid it behind to serve as a shield. Somehow, he learned my technique and he was winning over the course of time. I was getting frustrated.

“Look Baekhyun, my score is three now, I think I’m going to win this five out of five battle” he held up his free hand and flicked three fingers up.

“I won’t lose!”

“It’s a tie. Match point”

How did it come to this?

Minseok had that infamous lopsided grin and raised our hands up.

“Final round Baek” another challenge.

Tucking my stomach in with an inhale, I shifted on my seat and cracked my neck to ready myself for the battle. We played and cornered each other’s thumbs, all swift and defensive none of us were going down. I won’t let my Macho Undertaker lose to his Avocado Warrior Baekhyun. My lips curled up as we continued to the death.

“What’s the thumb’s name again?” I mused.

“Avocado Warrior Baekhyun” he didn’t look up at me for he was full on concentrated in winning the thumb wrestling game.

“Who’s thumb does this Avocado Warrior Baekhyun belong to?”

“Stop distracting me” he clicked his tongue missing in bringing me down.

“I’m not distracting you” I sniggered seeing his irritated eyebrows twitching.

“Would you keep quiet?” he hissed “No matter what you’ll do you won’t bring my Baekhyun down”

_Gotcha!_

“What? What did you say? Bring who down?” a mischievous smile formed on my lips. He blushed and the horn of victory echoed everywhere in my ears “Can you say it again please?”

“What” he almost didn’t make it audible for me to hear, maybe from embarrassment?

“Say it again juseyeo!” I hopped up and down.

“Yah! Let’s just play this game”

“Bring who down?”

“Would you please-“

“Come on Minseokie” I sings-songed.

With one press of my thumb over him, he lost. Minseok glared and jumped to tackle me. We rolled over the floor of his office and I could do nothing but laugh at his flustered face and defeat.

“If only you said it, I would have let you win” choking in between laughing made it hard for me to spit all of those out but it was fun seeing him look this shy.

“Say what?” he grinned darkly and raised both his eyebrows up “ _My Baekhyun_?”

The smile on my face disappeared when he sat on top of me and crushed my stomach and diaphragm that I couldn’t breathe anymore.

“Choking, not breathing!” I struggled underneath him.

“Was that you wanted to hear from me? You are so desperate Baekhyun!” he laughed and smeared his lips onto mine with a sweet and chaste kiss “Aish, you are too cute”

“Can you do this later? I’m literally running out of air here”

“Guess I  _took your breath away_!” he jerked his head back and chortled. When his eyes returned to me, I gave him a deadpanning stare. His laugh subsided and got off me “Sorry”

“You are so corny, you know that?”

“I try my best” he bent his neck slightly and bit his tongue.

I sat up and threw my hands in the air, “How am I going to last the upcoming years with your horrible jokes?”

After saying that, the room became quiet. All I heard was Minseok exhaling deeply.

I don’t know about him, but it was just a joke for I can imagine the years to come. Him and me, side by side walking in the park with a dog or perhaps a cat if he wants. A bike we could use or do mountain climbing and do missions in high terrains and I won’t be scared because he’s there with me as we reach the mountain top and scream until our lungs would bust that we’ve made it.  _Together_. Together we could go read books and own our own library, we could go watch broadway musicals or drive around cities with his car and our hands intertwined through it all. Make mischief in my alumni school and cause mayhem everywhere we go creating names for ourselves or even, watch the stars like we did back in the fields of grass on top of a hill.

All of those? They were memories I am willing to make with him.

In fact, for the past few weeks I was in my aunt’s house I have been pondering on an idea lately. Mom and Dad wouldn’t like it, but it’s a big step I am willing to take. A step to my perfect future.

“I’m graduating next month” I started and pried a smile to myself. I rubbed my fingers over my ring finger with the possible thoughts running in my mind. I was nervous even though I’ve already been with Minseok for over nine months, this was still a big decision I can never get used to until he agrees.

Minseok wasn’t looking at me, he was just merely staring at his feet stretched across the floor.

“I’ve thought about what you asked me before, on what I’m going to do after graduation. I told you I will continue on to pursue my career in acting right?”

“Yes”

“Well, I was wondering what would  _you_  do?” I paused “When I’m gone from school, I mean”

“I’ll keep on teaching I guess” he shrugged his shoulders.

“You know we won’t be able to see each other often if I’m going to go live in a dorm in MID School of Artistry”

He shot me an admonishing look, “I thought you don’t want to live in a dorm?”

“I don’t” I gave him a reassuring smile and picked on his fingers, “That is why I’m going to tell you the new answer I have for your question before”

 I meant to run my hand over his soft hair until it landed on his cheek so I could hold him right there and let him stare holes into my eyes for what I mean to tell him right now, I’ve considered it again and again and I want to push through it with all my optimistic heart.

“I want to live with you”

Minseok jerks away with a gasp that astonished me in all honesty. His eyes were larger than ever and his face turned blue. He scampered away and stood up to walk across the room away from me. I followed suit and trailed behind him.

“I can live with you, we can still be together. I can commute to MID, I can endure those long hours of travelling if it means seeing you when I come home at night, I’d be alright”

“Live with me? In my apartment?” he shook his head frantically “What if- what if one of your friend sees you living with me?”

“Then I’ll tell it to them straight that you’re a very special person to me, Sehun and Jongin are my best friends, they’ll understand” I don’t know what’s getting him work up like this that I wish he could just turn around and face me instead of me talking to the nape of his neck, “You said it yourself Minseok, that I should ignore everyone and there’s only you”

“But this is different!” he trudged around and around the office.

“It doesn’t have to be your apartment, I’ve already found apartments for rent!” I pulled out a piece of paper from my pockets “Here, I’ve got the landowner’s numbers written here”

“What?” a hoarse reply.

“Think of it, our own apartment. A place where we can actually do whatever we want without having to hide from disapproving eyes!”

Minseok shook his head.

“It’s no problem really Minseok, I can pay for the rent too if that’s the reason why you won’t agree to me. I can get a part-time job in a café or something! I can bring home your favourite coffee too” I sounded so pitiful in pleading and coercing him, but it’s for us and would kneel if that’s what it takes.

“No, I want you to give your full attention in studying theatre Baek”

“I know, I’m going to work extra hard to achieve my dream I get it, but what I don’t get is why are you shaking your head for my proposal? Don’t you want to be with me?”

“I do Baek”

“Then live with me Kim Minseok. I’ll really go through a part-time job while I study, if I don’t then we won’t be able to see each other for a long time when I go live in a dorm in MID and I can’t bear the thought of living without you”

Sometimes I wonder if there’s ever going to be a time when Minseok and I would pull away from each other and I don’t want to imagine that the cause of it would be Ms. Hyorin. She has grown to be a very good friend of mine and if I learn something about them, I don’t know what I’m going to do after. So I gave Minseok a longing and dejected plead one last time and a little tug on his sleeves before he could speak.

He closed his eyes, heaving a long and heavy sigh.

“What’s the number of the landowner?”

My eyes lit up to beam at him that I swear any moment now I could cry. I threw all of me over him and took him into my lips until we crashed onto the floor. There were no words that could express how happy I felt when he agreed to me finally. If it was possible to have fireworks in your heart, then that’s what I’ll tell you how I felt like. There were explosions of happiness and each explosion had various colours. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Violet, Pink. All of those colours represents how Minseok came into my world of black and white and made it brighter.

“You’re going to cook by the way, I don’t know how to use a frying pan” I quickly added and he rolled his eyes with a smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Calling your name had never been this so nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time. With every step you take on the red carpet sprawled under your feet taking you up to the stage where the principal, the deans and other honourable mentions stood before you, one could never express how magical it was to receive this piece of paper with your name written all of your accomplishments and hardships. Your eyes would flicker to the crowd who cheered and returned you smiles of congratulations for this very special day. No one was a stranger, everyone felt like family. When you raise that paper in your hands and hear your friends scream you name and clap in applause, you know you have triumphed.

In very special day, you couldn’t help but let your eyes search for a particular group – a person even. I can assure you, I couldn’t stop myself from standing up in my seat to look for Minseok. At least I saw my mother, but my father? Hopeless. But for Kim Minseok to not be here? It poured a heavy heart in me.

Thousands of black toga hats rained from the heavens mixed with green and white streamers and millions of confetti that poured like snow. Everyone’s fists were up in the air where each and everyone danced in rejoice with a struck of realization that all of their hardships are paid at last on this very special day. Some twirled, some embraced, some cried and some died – figuratively, not literally. The sounds of blasts in the sky with invisible fireworks came to greet us, everyone waved their diplomas in response and thanked God Almighty for everything. Finally, our term in high school has ended.

We are now officially high school graduates.

“One, two, three say cheese!”

“Cheese!”

“Sehuna, your eyes are closed!” Jongin dragged Sehun back to his place as Chen showed us the picture in my camera.

“I didn’t mean to!”

“Jongin, Sehun one more time come on!” as the one in between them, I pulled them hard take another shot and-

“Cheese!”

“It’s our turn to take a picture with Baekhyun hyung!” a girl from my Theatre Guild came running with the others with proud smiles.

“Here, let me take your pictures” Sehun offered and grabbed the camera from Chen who went to compress with us.

“Say Company Manager!”

“Company Manager!”

“Hey, mind if we cut in?” Professor Yixing came with a proud smile “Congratulations Baekhyun!”

“Thank you Professor” I bowed in thanks.

When Professor Yixing squeezed in to fit in the picture and everyone‘s eyes went to look at the camera, I couldn’t help but have my eyes roam around the crowd of people. Hoping, he would appear soon enough.

“Baekhyun, look at the camera I won’t be able to take a picture if you’re distracted!” Sehun said and got everyone in laughter.

My distraction is missing.

And I realized something weird as well. Where was Ms. Hyorin?

My lips went dry and my body fell numb. Terror shook me in urge to tap Professor Yixing’s forearms in panic with all the questions popping in my mind.

“Can’t we wait for Professor Minseok and Professor Hyorin?” it was rather a demanding say for them to wait rather than a suggestion.

Professor Yixing bit his lips and patter my back “I’m sorry Baek but Ms. Hyorin isn’t part of EXODUS Theatre Guild now”

“What?”

“You didn’t know?” Yeri placed her hands on her hips, “She’s quit after the day of the play. Didn’t you notice?”

In fact, I never realized it up until now. I tried my hardest to dig into the back of my thoughts trying to pull out any fragments of memories if I ever saw Ms. Hyorin for the past few weeks. No matter what, I couldn’t remember for all of the time, I would be either with Minseok or Sehun and Jongin. Other than that, no I haven’t been able to take a glimpse of Ms. Hyorin.

How bizarre.

And now Minseok was missing too?

“And for Kim Minseok, I haven’t seen him all day. I think he’s-“

“I’m here!”

In a heartbeat the world stopped and relief came in like tidal waves when I heard Minseok’s exasperated voice. He was drenched in sweat and yet he looked so fresh in his grey suit. The guild members all greeted Minseok and clung to him like he was someone who has been missing for years – that’s how I felt anyway. I stood there clutching my diploma in hand and smiled sweetly.

“Sorry I was caught in finding a good parking space, there’s so many parents who brought their cars” Minseok wiped a sweat from his brow.

Our eyes locked, sending secret messages in telepathy only we could understand. Minseok slithered behind me to pass and settle beside me while Professor Yixing was on my other side. He pressed himself closer to me and together, we hid our intertwined hands from the eyes of the camera.

“Say cheese!”

“Cheese!”

“I can’t believe it guys” Jongin prodded his fingers on the table.

Once again, we found ourselves sitting on our favourite table overlooking the baseball field from the large glass window only this time, we were overlooking the field where we celebrated our graduation and have finally achieved our dream of graduating together as a Company Manager, a Captain of the Baseball Team and a Lead Choreographer. This time, we’re going to write a new chapter in our lives. To be a successful broadway actor, a super athlete and a noted choreographer.

“We’ve done it have we?” I sighed. This place truly is going to be nostalgic.

“Not yet, we still have to take a picture of each other sitting in this table fifty years from now” Sehun laughed and took out the camera.

Jongin and I slid closer Sehun and laughed at every picture we browsed through the camera. There were pictures of Sehun tripping on stage, Jongin’s awards, my pouting face when my toga hot broke. Every press of the button had us reeling in laughter. Until in one particular picture, my face turned white as a sheet.

“Who knew you and Professor Minseok would become this close?” Sehun said oblivious to how I was reacting behind him.

It was a picture of us smiling at each other in the middle of all the commotion in the field. It was a harmless photo if you don’t count our ring fingers wrapped around each other and the way my face looked so red and my smile was so wide. With my hair gripping, I’m pretty sure I’ll have a bald spot now.

“Yeah, I remember we loathed him before but somehow, Professor Minseok managed to become your friend” Jongin snorted.

“He’s my partner in preparing my guild members and apprentices, if he didn’t come into my life I wouldn’t imagine myself standing here with all these accomplishments”

_Yes._ I would never imagine how I could do any of this without my determination to push for my future and Minseok’s future. If he didn’t come into my life, I might have been a broken down person who locks himself inside his room to avoid his parents or be constantly drunk playing videos games in his best friend’s house. If Minseok wasn’t here for me, then I would have been just as good as dead.

“If that happened, what do you think the future has in store for us perhaps?” Sehun propped his arms behind his head and slouched back on his seat.

The future is unpredictable but for me?

I’ll create it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

A week after the graduation, I bode farewell to my mother and packed my things. She had invited my cousins to stay over and have them take high school in my alma mater. I thought it be best that she have my little cousins to be with her and help her heal since dad never sent us even one letter of saying where he was.

“I’ve bought you seven avocados as you requested honey” handed over to me a box of avocados, “I never knew you liked Avocados so much Baekhyun. You should have told me so I could cook you some when you come back to visit”

“No, let me cook for you mom. It’s the least I could do for taking care of me all these years” I smiled and kissed mom on the cheeks.

“I love you my son, I’m sorry for everything that happened between me and your dad” she crossed her arms and let a tear fall. I hugged mom close and hushed her with stroking her long hair.

“It’s not your fault mom, everything happens for a reason” I closed my eyes and smiled at myself realizing I was using Minseok’s words. Really, that guy has influenced me so much “Life is hard. Nothing is easy”

“I know,”

I pinched mom’s cheeks and kissed her forehead “You can do this mom, if I can do it you can. I got my stubbornness and tolerance from you anyway”

“Indeed you did”

One bus ride away, I met up with Minseok in a convenience store and with another bus ride, Minseok and I finally reached the dream apartment I have been dying to live in with him. It wasn’t much, it was small but enough for three people to live in. The walls were a bland white and the couches were an ugly shade of moss green, but with my tastes I could fix this in a jiffy.

Minseok didn’t care whether we needed to change the interiors. All he cared about was scooping me up in his arms and throwing me into the bed where we quickly ripped and undressed ourselves and did the familiar procedures we would always do. Digging hot fingers on each other’s skins, pressing warm breaths and wet lips on each other’s necks, our hips bucking up in instincts. Usually we would do fast and rough paced love-making but somehow, with having a roof of our own, we made sure to make it special and passionate, taking in each other, alone together just the two of us in our own world slowly. Whimpers, nail scraping on the bed, moaning, desperate gasps, low moans, muffled shudders and gritting teeth. Both drenched in sweat, both drowning in passion.

In a world for our own.

I was his and he was mine.

Finally.

Being a theatre actor is no longer my dream.

My dream was starting right now and I hope to pave more ways to make it better.

We can start a life not as student Byun Baekhyun. Not as Professor Kim Minseok.

But as Minseok’s Avocado Warrior Baekhyun and my Mysterious Lover Minseok.

Yes.

A life with Kim Minseok.

 

 

 

                                                       

 

 


	11. CHAPTER TEN: Exit Wounds

 

 

 

 

 

                         

 

                                                                                
  


 

 

 

“Minseok! Minseok wake up!” I hopped on our bed and shook Minseok with any possible ways one could wake your loved one in the morning where the sun’s inexplicably toasted warm rays. I wrestled him, lay on top of him, rolled over him, used a pillow until he sat-up with closed eyes and scrunched up eyebrows and a scowl that urged him to push me away.

“I’m up, I’m up” he yawned.

_I’m up, yeah right._ His eyes were still shut and his mouth hung wide open combined with slouched shoulders was not an “I’m up look”. I gave him one more powerful smack of a pillow across his back and his eyes fluttered open contorting into a hostile glare.

“Morning sleepy head” I pecked a sweet and chaste kiss.

With lidded eyes, he peered over the bedside table clock and grunted at the blinking red numbers, “It’s seven in the morning on a Saturday. Why wake me up so early? I don’t have classes to teach on Saturdays Baek”

“It’s not my fault you were out all night last night” I pouted.

Minseok, after we moved in together seemed rather…busy. For the past nights, we would cuddle with each other and then when I wake up in about one to two in the morning I would feel a cold breeze nip on my skin and to find the reason for the sudden brush of the wind, when my hand would search the space beside me, it would always be vacant. When that first happened, I bolted straight up with fear creeping into my heart and nervousness took over my body thinking could this be a nightmare?

_“Minseok? Minseok!”_ I would call out inside the bedroom, into our compact living room-kitchen and if I get too worried, I would go out of the apartment and look for him. Minseok comes back though, around five in the morning or whenever I wake up when dawn breaks he would already be nestled beside me. Sometimes his whole body was drowning in rain all damp and drenched and some other nights he smelled of gassy smoke that punctured through my nose. Most of the time? Minseok would be sitting on the far end of the room just watching me intently in mute.

When curiosity and suspicions piques my interests, I would ask Minseok where he went. He would always tell me that he hung-out with some  _friends_.

There were mostly two people named Luhan and Tao on his phone, both of his best friends wearing those white bowling attires with matching shoes and pants. He explained to me that they would always have bowling nights for it had been their favourite hobby ever since they were young. I didn’t see any signs of Ms. Hyorin anywhere, but one can never be too sure. I just hope  _Bowling Night_ doesn’t involve having Hyorin to be there with him.

_“Bowling nights huh?”_ I questioned him for in my heart, something told me something was not right. Minseok assured me that there was nothing wrong and even asked me if I wanted to come with him on occasions and let him introduce me to Luhan and Tao. I refused and ended the conversation there and I also stopped my suspicions with Hyorin too for I didn’t want to stress myself to get updates about the hospital because...

I trust him, I know he wouldn’t do anything without purpose. He was the one who told me about it right? And I don’t want to be a strict lover, I didn’t want to suffocate Minseok and question everything he does.

Like he said, a healthy relationship starts with happiness.

If Minseok’s happy, I’m happy.

Minseok stared at me for a long while and sighed. He rubbed the nape of his neck and shook his head. Did I offend him when I said it?

“Baekhyun…” he murmurs too soflty.

I cocked a brow, acknowledging his attention.

“There’s…there’s something I want to talk to you about” Minseok fumbled with his fingers and nibbled on his lower lip, but his eyes were transfixed in mine. Instead of brown eyes, I could see his eyes turn grey, a pool of exhaustion was written all over it – or maybe he was just groggy.

“Can we talk about it later? There’s something important that I want to show you. Look!” I waved a violet envelope in front of his eyes where he squinted to adjust the clearing of his sight. I wiggled my way beside him until our shoulders would touch. I threw an arm behind him and pressed him close to my chest, “It’s the results”

Minseok’s eyes widened and I never failed to register the surprised look he gave me “Well? Open it!”

“I was getting there, wait”

This is it, the moment the two of us have been waiting for. The acceptance letter from MID School of Artistry. The paper that would determine my career. I slid my nails over the seal and –  _pop_! The seal broke and a gold scented paper lay beneath it, a magnificent yet deadly thing. I gave Minseok one look, inhaling deeply and looked back at the envelope.

“Here goes nothing”

Abruptly slipping it off the violet envelope with Minseok settling it near the bedside table, I flicked the paper open and there, Minseok and I made a short celebratory dance when we saw the large bold letters wrote:

 

 

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

**MR. BYUN BAEKHYUN**

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to MID School of Artistry as a scholar for the year 2016._  
The Art Directors and honourable Principal Choi Sooyoung are impressed upon witnessing your performance!  
We are glad to have a wonderful actor like you joining our school!  
Congratualtions and God Bless!

_For more details, please do visit our website._

_Thank you!_

 

 

“I can’t believe this” clouds of glitter exploded on top of my head and my mouth was wide open with glee, my eyes were watering – curse the ninjas with their onion slicing! I wiped the tears from my eyes with the sleeves of my wrist. I scooted over to position myself in between his legs and let my back fall on Minseok’s chest, my gaze never tore off the golden scented paper.

“I told you, you could do it” there was a tinge of a switch in his tone. It wasn’t sadness, it wasn’t forlorn, heck it wasn’t even happiness nor pride. It verged more on…pure relief.

Maybe I’m just being delusional. Is that bad thing?

“By the way, what was it that you want to talk about?” I continued to pick my nails on the edge of the scented paper. Minseok pulled me down and he peaked over to look down on me and shook his head.

“It’s nothing”

For the months of being with Minseok, when he says “It’s nothing” it means  _a lot_ of things. He would tell me everything but it will always be pretty vague. Most of the time, I would try to persuade him into spilling it out but right now, when I saw that faint smile on his lips, those bittersweet eyes, I silenced myself and let him bury me into our pillows and trail butterfly kisses everywhere.

This was no time for fighting.

No time for questioning.

All I have to do now is look to the future and strive to achieve the career I want. The career he wants me to pursue so I could have a better life.

For me? It’s for us to have a better life.

I thought finally, this was the start but I stand corrected.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Every morning I would take two buses to MID School of Artistry and go through classes, workshops, meet new people like my new found friends Chanyeol and Taeyeon. On occasions, I would invite Chanyeol and Taeyeon over to dine out with my best friends Sehun and Jongin whom I would meet every Wednesday when our schedules wouldn’t clash.

Minseok on the other hand continued on teaching in EXODUS Academy, my alma mater and remained in being a mentor for the Theatre Guild alongside Professor Zhang who recruited a new mentor in replacement for Ms. Hyorin who I’ve never seen for who knows how long – I wonder, what happened to Hyorin and Minseok in the hospital that night?

The two of us kept our relationship strong. We would eat breakfast together, buy couple shirts in the mall, watch our favourite soap operas, jog and go to the gym and of course, sex was never out of the question. But every single time I wake up in the middle of the night?

Minseok always went missing.

That caused me to raise suspicions and doubts in our relationship. I tried asking him, but it would always end up into anything unpleasant and unwelcoming to my thoughts.

Fighting was never an uncommon event to us anymore or when people hear us scream and roar at each other in our apartment or when we would strangle each other, pound and kick whenever we would burst. It became an everyday virulent routine that drove us to near insanity.

It hurts. It hurts when you know that the reason why your loved one was angry and frustrated was because of you.

Anger, that's what we always felt towards each other. Anger is nothing more than an expression of hurt, fear and frustration.

We grew to have a trigger happy relationship.

We’ve grown to have the tendency of acting rashly without any due to consideration of what the other feels. Like madmen holding a gun and would shoot a bullet in violent irresponsibility to whoever reacts first. We would slur curses at each other that I would never have thought would come out of my mouth, calling him an “Asshole” a “Son of a Bitch” and he in return would spit out more poisonous words that shattered my fragile heart, he called me a “Cunt” a “Shit Face”

It burns like hell. It went through me like a third degree burn in my heart. I would cry rivers and rivers and try to run away, but in the end…

Minseok would always pull me back like he always do.

Whenever I walk away, he would always make sure to twist me so he could embrace me. Hold me there. Say sorry, say he was wrong. I would give in and cry in his arms, tell him I was stupid, I was a fool.

In the end we would always forgive each other and shrug it away.  _Forgive_ everything became our mind-set. We would turn our heads to the future and that’s where he would keep telling me again and again: “Achieve your dreams and live a good life”

One would think we’ve resolved our conflicts because we stopped fighting…

But as time went on?

Slowly and slowly, we were going back to the beginning.

Things were different now and I don’t know how to fix it.

We could never talk like before, hug each other and even face each other when we’re sleeping at night. Our backs would be turned from each other and sometimes when I can’t bear it? I would roll over and would be greeted with his back. I want to reach out and trail my fingers to trace comforting circles on his back like the old days, but now? I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Sometimes I hold back from talking to him not because my fear of rejection. It’s the fear of what I always wanted to extract from him in the beginning: the truth.

I keep on telling myself,  _“Wait just one more day Baek, just one more day and everything will be alright”_  but as soon as I wake up again and find myself clinging into the vacant spot beside me, I will always break down because every single day…

Minseok and I slowly were drifting apart.

Drifting apart from someone you never get used to go without a day of speaking to was harder than I thought.

On a macabre night in our room, I stared out into the window trying to find a little bit of comfort from the moon who would whisper songs of lullabies in my ears but it never really helped me to have a good night’s sleep. I could never fall asleep. I developed a strange overdose of insomnia that I felt Minseok rise up from beside me and walk over our closet and grab his trench coat and his brief case.

He might be oblivious to know that I was awake or not, but when I spoke nothing really made a difference.

“I don’t know what happened, but we used to be close”

A response only came from the hush blowing of the night’s breeze outside the window and the worst sound I ever heard and felt combined in my life: Silence, the closing of the door and an empty space where I expected to see someone in the morning.

You know how to kill someone?

Hold their hand and never touch them again. Be there everyday and never talk to that person as if they never existed. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Whoa Baekhyun chill, stop chugging down that soju!” Chanyeol swiped the bottle from my hands. I growled at him giving him one admonishing hostile stare and it was an easy command for him to hand over the bottle back into my hands.

Jongin and Sehun nervously exchanged looks and propped their elbows on the table. Chanyeol pointed at me an is-he-okay look and they shrugged a we-don’t-have-any-fucking-idea-really gaze.

“Bring us some more Gene! Whiskey and Soju!” I stood up from my seat and spread my arms “In fact, free drinks on me!”

The dim lighted bar erupted into cheers and joy when I announced it and god it sounded like music to my ears hearing people thank me. I pumped my fist in the air almost hitting the red oval lights the flickered above our heads and roared. It took my three friends to pull me back to my seat and calm me down.

“Sehun, Jongin, Chanyeol! Grab any beer you want. Tell the lady on that counter it’s on me” I grinned sheepishly at them feeling pools of heat in my stomach build up to my throat. Soju never tasted this magnificent! It truly quenched my thirst.

“Baekhyun is fun, no wonder people from MID always brings him to parties. This is actually the first time I saw him be drunk” Chanyeol had that handsome and goofy grin he always wears.

“I, am not fucking drunk” I lazily pointed at Chanyeol, almost poking his eye in the process.

Sehun clicked his tongue, “Hyung, what happened to you? I keep seeing you here lately”

“I should be asking you  _that_  right? I’m merely here for the sole purpose of drinking alcohol! I just miss the stinging feeling it gives my tongue. Helps me feel warm and it washes my stress away” I finished a bottle and grabbed another “What about you? If you always see me here, then why are you here then?”

Jongin snorted and patted Sehun’s back. Chanyeol popped his ears up, unsure what was going on.

“I got rejected” Sehun clicked his tongue.

“Rejected? Rejected by who brooding boy?” I gave him a cheeky grin.

“I’m not broody!”

“Yeah, sure whatever you say Sebroody”

Jongin propped his elbows on the table and leaned close whilst clasping his hands together, taking it as a sign for him to be the one to tell Prince of all Brooding Sehun’s tragic rejection.

“Sorry we couldn’t contact you Baekhyun, we just didn’t want to bother you in your theatre workshops” he started.

“You should have bothered me guys” for the past weeks, I really needed to talk to you guys. Really.

“Sorry” he quickly added and continued “Sehun went to Hani and well…”

“She just laughed at me and gave me a thumbs down” Sehun banged his head on the table and faked a sob.

Jongin began to laugh out loud, “Get this you guys. Hani is…a  _lesbian_ ”

“A Lesbian!” Sehun flailed his arms in the air.

“Who is this Hani? May I see her?” Chanyeol was dying to know and in order to compensate for Chanyeol’s lack of knowledge of our high school batch mates, Sehun handed him over his phone and had Chanyeol’s jaw drop, “But she’s gorgeous!”

“Yep, a gorgeous woman who likes girls” Sehun frowned and shut his eyes tight as if he didn’t tried to erase the memory of Hani from his thoughts.

“Is there anything wrong with it?” I spat, secretly scraping the seat covers until it tore and chapped. A devil possessed me when he mentioned it for some unknown reason. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid that Sehun might be a homophobe?

If he learned about Minseok and me-

_Kim Minseok…_

One more drink to that.

“No, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just that…I am in love with her!” Sehun crashed his head on the table once more, “And to top it off, she has a  _girlfriend_ ”

“That’s rough. Drink up buddy” Jongin pushed a bottle of whiskey to slide over to Sehun who caught it even without looking up.

“Being in a relationship is so weird sometimes” Chanyeol popped a cap from a bottle for himself “This is why I’m going for a single life. I’m done with relationships”

“Cheers to that” Sehun raised his bottle.

“Speaking of weird, did you guys know Professor Minseok and Professor Hyorin had a  _thing_?” Jongin gossiped, his voice was filled with childish fascination.

“What?” Sehun gasped while I dug my nails deep into my skin.

_Minseok and Hyorin?_

_Is this what-_

“Yeah! I saw them just a few weeks back when I was driving back home in my village and there I saw them walking side by side” Jongin had large sparkling eyes that darted everywhere as if he could see that moment when he caught Minseok and Hyorin.

_Walking side by side?_

“And then?” I leaned closer.

“Wow, this is intriguing you huh?” Jongin was happy.

“Shut up and just keep going. I need to…know”

“Well, Professor Minseok and Professor Hyorin were walking late at night around the village of my subdivision just five blocks away from my house. At first I was like, ‘oh it’s my professors’ but then I saw  _it_ ” Jongin made a dramatic pause.

_Saw it?_

Jongin wiggled his eyebrows for show getting us tensed and on edge.

“Fuck just say it already!” I stood up from my seat, knocking some bottles over and slammed my palms hard on the table that caused the people inside the bar turned their attention to me.

“Sorry, he’s drunk” Chanyeol bowed apologetically to everyone and had me sit down, “Calm down Baek”

“I’m sorry, I’m just…starting to have a migraine” I pinched the bridge of my nose hiding away my ashamed face from the three of them.

“For the sake of Byun Baekhyun, no more dramatic pauses” Sehun mused. Jongin apologized and cleared his throat.

“Ms. Hyorin’s belly…it was  _swelling_ ” Jongin said.

“Swelling?”

“I think she’s…pregnant”

_Preg-pregant?_

_Could that be the real reason why Minseok…_

_“The Hospital…”_

_“Hospital?”_

_“I need to confirm if it was true”_

“And then what happened? Did you discover if it was his? Was it Professor Minseok’s? Where do they live?” I rapidly laid out question after question that Jongin didn’t know how to keep up so he answered them slowly one by one.

“I think it’s _his_. Just the other night I saw Ms. Hyorin walking a stroller with him but this time she was no longer pregnant,” Jongin stated.

_Hyorin’s child is…Minseok’s?_

_No…it can’t be! It can’t be can it?_

_He-he won’t do this to me…no, I don’t believe any of it. No it-_

I sucked up all the air my lungs could barely contain and repressed the tears threatening to waterfall down my eyes and plastered a serious poker face.

“And?”

“And there’s this one other night too I saw them again but this time there were two other men, a tall one with dark circles underneath his eyes and the other had doe-looking eyes”

_Does he mean Luhan and Tao?_

“The four of them didn’t look to well either. Let’s just say they all had the looks of dismay, and only the man named Luhan was talking amongst them”

“Then what happened? Do you know where they live?” I need to know where Minseok and Hyorin lives if there was any place they were living in.

The need to know what was going on for the past few nights why he was always sneaking out at night had been quite enough. I want to know, I  _need_  to know if this was the reason why he was pushing me away? Is it because he was  _also_  in love with Ms. Hyorin? Could that explain why he never pushes her away because he has feelings for her? He has a  _family_ with her now that she has a child in her arms?

_I have never felt so betrayed in my life._

“Jongin” a bitter taste slurred from my tongue, a virulent and antagonistic tone that sent shivers down everyone’s spine and got their eyes to flutter wide.

“B-baek? Are you okay?” Sehun dared not to touch me, he skittered away to press close to Jongin squeezing tighter beside him.

“I could feel an evil aura radiate from him” Chanyeol whispered.

“Do. You. Know. Where. They live? I’m not going to ask you again” it was more than a threat, it was not a demand not even a question if you could decipher my tone.

Upon hearing the details from my best friend Jongin, I stood up, went to the counter, paid the maximum amount of the bill I was willing to give, drank one last shot of moonshine, shoved my hands violently in my pockets that punctured large holes in the process, bid a good night to the three bewildered faces on the couches of the bar and kicked the doors open, trudging throughout the night streets leaving trails of flames below my feet until I reached our apartment.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Opening the doors to my apartment, Minseok was sitting quietly with one leg crossed on top of the other reading Memoirs of a Geisha – a book that I have noticed that has become his favourite, but tonight? I sure didn’t care about it. I stripped my jacket off and threw it on the couch ignoring any possible ways that would direct us to strike a conversation. My eyes averted his and based from the gut feeling I had, he wasn’t acknowledging my presence either.

I poured a glass of water and drank and that was it. That was the only thing I did. I slammed the door shut behind me when I ventured inside our bedroom and plopped myself onto the bed on my stomach and buried my face into the pillows.

How did it come to this?

A heavy weight pulled my heart to sink and as if there was a boulder on my back crushing me into the bed to suffocate until my body would be a pancake and splurge all my insides out. But there was none. There was only the pillow that got stained with tears that had streamed unknowingly off my eyes. I clutched the pillow tight and let my fingers curl up into fists.

It hurts.

It hurts every single time I come home and I couldn’t utter anymore words to him. There were no more “hi” or “hellos” that once rolled off our tongues in perfect rehearse.

There was only silence.

And even in that silence, Minseok could never hear my heart shatter into millions of pieces.

Whenever I come in here, I would always wait for something that isn’t going to happen.

But it’s okay.

I’m just sad to say to you guys that the only thing I could say now is: “I’m used to it”.

I never noticed when was the time I fell asleep that night but when I did become aware that I have slept, was when I felt a familiar tinge of touch brush over my hair. The same warm hands I have grew to love and reach out to. The same ones that I once was scared of even letting go. Minseok’s warm hands slipped his fingers over my hair until it fell onto my cheek where in every gentle stroke, he gave me clues of what he was feeling. Regret, happiness and sadness.

I didn’t open my eyes, because if I did, I know he would stop. So I let Minseok stroke my cheeks lovingly as my heart jumped feeling the same bolts of electricity only he could produce whenever our skins come in contact. He was silent the whole time he was doing it and I wondered to myself, was he thinking? Was he going crazy? Or was he like me?

Longing to find ways to come back in each other’s arms.

Soon after, the anger and pain all went away when I felt him creep closer and heard him sit down on the floor, but he never stopped stroking my hair.

He must have been here for quite a while for I only caught short sentences that were blurred out when I woke up and the rest, I pretended to be asleep.

“My Baekhyun…” he whispered. Enough if he was oblivious to me being awake that he said if softly avoiding to wake me up and enough to fill my eyes with uncontrollable tears waiting to gush out if I continue to listen to what he has to say.

“I’m sorry for everything…I’m sorry for hurting you again and again…I didn’t mean all of those things” he inhaled deep and sighed “I’m sorry I can’t tell you everything. I can’t bear seeing your face when you learn about the truth”

“Don’t cry anymore okay? I hate seeing you cry” his voice cracked, but he recovered “I hate myself the very most because I’m the cause of it”

“I don’t like seeing you cry Baek, I’ve made that clear right?” he gave a short sad chuckle.

Oh how I wanted to tackle him right now and take him into my arms and cry, but he slipped his hand away and with one more brush he walked away and I heard the door unlock. I didn’t flinch nor make any subtle movements.

_Is he going out again?_

“I’m sorry”

Silence.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Here I was again, lying down on the bed with an empty space beside me that grew harshly cold and haunting, if there was a ghost then he’d be happy to sleep with me tonight because Kim Minseok, went outside once again only this time, I got to hear what he had to say before every night he would leave me. I couldn’t sleep after that. As always he got me to stay up with endless sleepless nights just thinking about him. Worrying about him.

_I trust him_.

I said that before.

_I trust him._

I assured myself again and again.

_I trust him._

I know because I’ve seen him prove it to me countless times.

But right now, why does saying “I trust him” feel like a stupid excuse to say someone actually cares about me?

After hearing that story from Jongin there was no doubt that Minseok and Hyorin might be together. Heck, I don’t want to believe it not one little bit but it was all clear now.

Their close relationship? The hospital? Ms. Hyorin goes missing and only to be later discovered that she was pregnant? And Minseok, he went missing a lot of times too and then I hear from a friend that he saw him walk with her during night time whenever the bed space goes vacant?

I shook my head. That was not possible was it?

What if it?

What if it’s not?

“Then there’s only one way to find out”

Fingers crossed, it’s not.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jongin’s subdivision looked freakier than ever at night despite the subdivision having various colors of wild flowers and bushes displayed on the road side that in the morning served to brighten the place turning it into a garden of Eden with humungous gnome statues that were creepy enough. Tonight though, I was walking amidst a pitch black darkness and only the moon’s haunting glow became my source of light for me to thread the way.

My eyes searched for the street and block name frantically in hopes I could get to Minseok’s apartment building.

I have no care anymore if I was going to knock on his door and yell at him, no. I’m ready to scoop him in my arms and kiss him and kiss him until he could drown in my love and regret that I ever yelled at him.

_I trust him_  and I want to tell him so much that  _I forgive him_ for everything we have done in those fights. I don’t want to bother him about his past, the truth. No, not any longer.

With those words he whispered to me when I was asleep, a kindle of hope and relief set ablaze in me. Minseok would never betray me, he would never hurt my feelings. Heck he even told me he didn’t want to see me cry!

Maybe he has an explanation for  _everything_ that is happening. An explanation for his weird behaviour.

Whatever it is, I’m ready.

I’m ready to tell him I’m sorry, I miss you and  _I love you_. I will not stop saying it to him until it gets stuck in his brain like a song in repeat that I love him, I love him and I love him.

“This is it”

Upon this mossy cobble steps, over the towering custard coloured apartment building in front of me, just a few feet away of the invisible divide that keeps me in arm’s length from unravelling the truth about who Kim Minseok is. My feet were glued on the spot and no matter how hard I try to raise them, one beat at a time it got harder and harder as I approach the hazel-nut wooden door with a silver carved insignia of the room number.

There were no lights open inside the apartment and it only gave me doubts to enter and caused me to give up. Thoughts raised in my head, maybe Minseok was not home? Maybe he went back to the apartment? What if he finds that I’m no longer there?

_Clunk!_

I guess not.

With just a slight tap of my fingers the door cracked open letting all the icy cold wind trapped inside to run out in freedom to brush through my ears. A rushed warning whispered behind me that gave me the power to stop on my feet, a conscience like that cricket from Pinocchio if there was one.

“I shouldn’t be intruding like this…” backing away from the door, I tottered back down the cobble steps. I just had this hunch, a bad feeling that I shouldn't enter. Whatever I do, I musn't dare intrude, but then, a light illuminated behind me and caught my eyes to dart back over to the apartment room.

A dim light sitting nearby the window gave way to a figure, a silhouette of Kim Minseok grabbing something from where the lamp sat and with two to three flicks, a smaller ball of light was conjured to what I deciphered was a lighter and then he motioned to light something on his mouth that served to be a cigarette. Smoke escaped the barely opened apartment door and the lamp’s light disappeared.

_So, he is there._

My feet sprang up without delay to climb back up to his apartment. I slithered inside without permission trying to catch him before he slips into another room, but everything was pitch black. I had to wait for a few seconds before my eyes adjusted to the lightless apartment living room and clung to the walls for guidance onto the next door to finally, finally get a hold of him.

With every step closer to that opening, a tsunami of nervousness washed over, a thundering roar in my heart screeched and the icy cold winter’s grasp found their ways into my nervous system and millions of explosive questions bombed in my thoughts.

What will I do next? What will I say to Minseok? Will I cry? Will I get angry? Will I be happy? Will I be sad?

Whatever is going to happen, I will be ready to tell him that I’m sorry, I miss him and that I Love-

“Xiumin”

A faint, breathless and dismantled pieces of moans had me frozen halfway through further opening the door to burst in. A faint whisper that had my eyes bawl out with waterfalls of tears in a matter of a millisecond. A faint whimper that sent me down on my knees as I gathered up my courage to peek over the open door.

“Xiumin” a woman’s voice were flooded in pools of desperate gasps and all of that was because of the familiar figure lying on top of the creaking bed, his bad turned from where I was. The same broad shoulders, that scar-filled back on top of the naked moaning woman who called for his name, again and again. The moon’s ghostly glow illuminated them from the ceiling’s window.

The woman wasn’t Hyorin, no. It was someone I have never seen before.

I covered my hand against my mouth to prevent myself from crying loud as he hoisted the woman up into an embrace and thrusted himself in her. She took his lips into hers and tongued his neck at any given time. She melted in his arms and threw her arms around his neck for support. She cursed Minseok, complimented him, and it urged him to go from slow to fast. She was intoxicated with him, she was swooning, her face was drenched in sweat that caused her tangled hair to stick. Her face was red as a tomato.

She called him, she cried for him and she moaned for him. Only, she didn’t call him out by his real name, instead she called her what Minseok once asked us to call him: Xiumin.

_Kim Minseok. Xiumin. Minseok. Xiumin._

Minseok was quiet during the whole process, the only response he gave were grunts and sharp intakes of air.

_It can’t be- this isn’t…I must be dreaming right?_

I shook my head frantically and tried to crouch back slowly not until I slipped and accidentally kicked the door open alarming Minseok and the woman to turn their heads to the door.

_Stupid, stupid me!_

When I saw Minseok’s stunned face, his wide disbelieving eyes, his mouth hanging wide open that made his face white as a sheet into a ghostly apparition, I averted my gaze and scrambled to pick myself up from my feet and aimed to head to the door.

“You brought a friend Xiumin?” her sultry voice bounced off the walls followed by a loud thud from the bedroom.

“Wait!” I heard him call desperately from the bedroom and the shuffling of sheets and the clanking and clinking of a belt resounded all over the apartment, “Baekhyun wait!”

I wrenched the front door open and never looked back. I jumped down the stairs and ran as fast as I could away from the apartment with no delay and never turned back letting the wind whisk away the tears that trailed in the air like droplets of rain.

My mind was blank, my eyes were clouded by tears causing me to be blind but, it never stopped me from hearing my heart that was being shredded to pieces.

A few moments later I heard loud footsteps running behind me and pushed my feet to run faster that the speed of a bullet.

“Baekhyun, Baekhyun wait!” Minseok cried.

I kept on going.

“Look, please stop! Let me explain!”

I shook my head, urging myself to keep running no matter what happens.

“Baekhyun! Baekhyun please!” he pleaded his voice cracking and breaking down. A near deafening-sound that had me pour gallons of waters from my eyes.

With all the strength that I could muster, I shut my feelings out and screamed from the top of my lungs.

“Go away!”

It hit me.

“Baekhyun stop!”

“Get away from me!”

It broke me.

“Please listen to me, wait!”

“Leave me alone!”

It killed me.

My limbs were bulging in exhaustion but I kept on running in haste, but even as I pushed myself to the extent of my abilities to run, he  _chased_ me to the ends of the world. He didn’t stop, he didn’t gave in, he called me again and again, begged for me to stop even though I have dismissed him countless times, Minseok was still on my tail.

In a blink of an eye, I was running on the stretch of the streets of the subdivision, in a snap of a finger I was grabbed on the shoulders and sent us tumbling on the ground inflicting bruises and scars until we stopped to lie down panting in tasting the sweat of our brows and stare up into the sea of stars above our heads.

When I realized Minseok had caught up with me, I jolted up to my feet and made for a run but Minseok yanked me back down and sent us once more rolling over and we were stuck in repeat. My lips popped and bled, his cheeks were cut and we didn’t stop tugging and jerking each other for neither one of us intends to stop.

“Baekhyun stop plea-“ he dug his nails deep into my forearms and shook me violently so I could snap my attention to him.

“Fuck you Minseok!” I gave him a kick on the shin but he endured it and winced in pain. I kicked him once more and he didn’t let me go not even when he almost fell on his knees and force to help himself up.

“Listen to me-“

“Oh wow, you’re going to tell me now? After I  _caught_ you with some bimbo?” a mocking sarcastic laugh rushed out from my lips as I threw my head back. Loathing was now crawling into my nerves that punctured through his eyes.

“Baekhyun I-“

“What? Going to make another excuse again huh? Going to tell me:  _oh it’s nothing_ it’s just a  _one night stand_. Well I’ve had enough of your shit Minseok – Xiumin or whatever the hell your real name is!”

“Look Baekhyun I’ve been-“

“Oh to hell with you Kim Minseok!”

“Would you just fucking listen to what I have to say Byun Baekhyun!?” he gave a loud thunderous roar and shove me away from his grasp. I fell on my bum and recoiled in pain. Upon noticing what he’s done, he falls down on his knees and offers his hands to pull me up, “Baek, I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“

“You didn’t mean what? Sleep with a woman behind my back?” I spat with teeth chattering from the intense anger that began to seep through.

“I was going-“

“Going to tell me what? That you don’t have just  _one_ woman in your life but  _two_  and you just happen to have her impregnated is that right?”

“What are you talking about?” he had the most ridiculous creased forehead on. I wasn’t buying any of it.

“Hyorin! Hyorin was pregnant that’s why she disappeared from the day of the play right? And let me guess, you came along with her right?”

“Where did you hear that” Minseok’s lips trembled and all the colors from his face were drained out of him.

“You think I would never catch you did you? Think you can hide all of this away from me huh? Well fuck you! I’ve rooted out your  _it’s nothing_ card you jerk!” my mouth ran various curses non-stop as I circled around with my fingers tugging the strands of my hair as I yelled each and every one of the vile cursed words that sliced through his heart. And I meant every, fucking one of them.

I turned to him and saw his face straight with lips pursed in a line, eyes soulless and his body unmoving. He looked more than a statue than a human being and it sent me on heaps of disgusted grunts with disapproving eyes.

“Look at you. You're so stoic, you're not even moved by any of this!? What, no tear? No emotions? That's what you are right? You manipulating, conniving viper!” I gestured to him and gave another hysterical laugh and loathing snorts.

He shook his head.

“You’re hurting me Baek”

“Hurt? Hurt!? Is that even in your dictionary? When did you even get hurt? Can you count how many times you've hurt me? Pushing me away, not telling me anything and to catch you having sex with a woman?”

He bit his lip and clicked his tongue.

“Look at you, not even a shed of tear to say you're human!” instead of laughing, it turned into hard broken coughs slowly itching to become a cry “Are you even human Kim Minseok? What kind of sick human would do something inhumane as to cheat to someone who had given you his heart, his mind, his soul, his hopes, his dreams and all of that were taken for granted”

“Just because you don't see the tears doesn't mean they aren't there” it was cold, hostile and forlorn. A voice filled with bitterness, a tone filled with sorrow “Maybe I don't cry, but it hurts. Maybe I won't say, but I feel. Maybe I don't show, but I care”

I scratched the back of my head with much brute force and released a long exhausted sigh. A sigh I’ve been meaning to let out inside a damning suffocating cage.

“Then why, Minseok. Tell me, why? And don’t tell me some kind of shit like: things are left unsaid and some crap you told me before”

“I warned you to never fall in love with me” he whispered in dismay and regret.

“And yet here I am. Deeply and madly in love with you” I smiled dejectedly at him and spread my arms motioning to us standing face to face, with our hearts bare and our throats strangling to prevent words to come out of our broken hearts.

Absolute silence. The kind of silence that became a favourite form of ours for pain. For words we could never express. Silence became a painting for the image of us dying inside.

“How did it come to this?” a pathetic chuckle rolled off my tongue, “How did this happen?”

I shot him a look. A look of longing, a look of fear that gnawed at my heart. A look of confusion to everything I thought would be perfect and yet everything went to shit.

My state of uncertainty was the only reason that I let Minseok come up to me and tug my sleeves to follow him to sit on a nearby bench. If I had any sense of touch left, I would have jerked myself away from. But I let him take me, let him sit me beside him until he lets go of my hands and stared back at me with the same haunting expression.

He dug from his pockets and brought out ten pieces of folded paper and threw it on the space – a large ghostly space between us. The papers plopped down hard. Some flung one fold open, some were crumpled and some had scratches. I narrowed my eyes at the paper and looked up to Minseok tilting my head in pure confusion.

“Open them” he told me and I did.

I picked one paper up wondering what was written inside of it. There were bold letters in red and the others were black in normal font and there was a signature at the bottom of the paper and beside it, was plastered a face of a woman. When I opened the folds on top, I was shocked to what I have discovered. The first part of the note was:

 

 

_**Clientele Name:** Nam Rani_

_**Age:** 25_

_**Gender:** Female_

 

The second part had:

 

_**Person contracted to the Client:** Xiumin_

_**Age:** 25_

_**Gender:** Male_

 

 

The next part had my hand rush to my mouth as I saw the woman’s hand writing written on the blank space, where all of those horrifying words had me gasping in terror. There was an optional commentary box where they asked what kind of services they expected from the person issued to them and she wrote so many disgusting and inhumane things that had me gagging that I had to put the paper down.

“There’s more” Minseok pushed another paper towards me.

“I can’t” I shook my head in fear.

“You want to know the truth right?” he said with a sullen monotone voice “Then pick them all up and read them  _one_ by  _one_ ”

Not delaying in taking the paper any longer and wait for him to scream at me, I picked another one up and endure all of those godforsaken and nerve-wrecking requests they asked of him.

Xiumin is to gag me, Xiumin is to finger me, Xiumin is to strip me, Xiumin is to fuck me hard and rough, Xiumin is to –

It was the most disgusting thing I ever beheld that I threw it on the floor and jumped off my seat as the cold sweat trickled down from my bulging eyes and travelled down to the crook of my neck. I was breathless after reading all of those foul, dreadful sentences that had the hairs on my body stand leading me to get nauseated.

_Those people…those sick pigs!_

_How could they do such a thing? Requests such a thing to Minseok?_

_To-to Xiumin, Minseok whatever!_

_What have Minseok done to deserve such a thing?_

Guilt plagued my heart upon realizing all of this. All of the times we were together, he did nothing but endure and endure all of these twisted  _clients_  or some wacked up shit I can’t make out of! Tears fell from my eyes and I snapped my head to look at Minseok.

And yet amidst this macabre and horrifying night…

He was smiling.

_Why are you smiling like that? This isn’t something worth smiling you-you!_

“Now you know” his smile never faded away.

“Who…are you?”

“I’m a prostitute Baekhyun" it rolled off his tongue with perfect diction came out well rehearsed as if he had been saying this over and over again in hopes that one day he could tell it to me and now, here he was. I was caught in my feet once more and stared at him who smiled grimly and interlocked his eyes from me, and he never wavered off from my gaze no matter the countless times I tore from his eyes only to keep coming back to meet those hollow blank brown circles of his.

_How could you still smile like that? Look at me like that?_

_You’re not angry with me, for spitting all of those stupid asshole cursed words at you?_

“I-Is Xiumin your r-real name or Minseok?”

“Does it matter?”

“It matters to  _me_!” I sat back on the bench and edged closer to him “Because if I’m going to say how fucking stupid I am for being a retarded asshole towards you for the past few weeks, and say I’m sorry, I want to say it with  _your_  real name and not this fucked up stage name you have for your greedy clients”

Minseok shook his head, not wanting to hear anything come out of my mouth.

“I want to tell it in your  _real_ name. Tell you how much  _you_   _mean to me_ and tell you in any possible and various ways to express how much  _I love you_ ”

Another wave of tears ran down my cheeks, drowning myself with ugly tears and muffled sorrys. Minseok’s eyebrows scrunched up unable to repress himself from keeping a straight face.

“I told you not to cry remember? Stop crying!”

“I’m crying because of you!” I screamed at him, not caring whether the people living in the neighbourhood would wake up in the middle of the night and see the two of us in the middle of it all.

“All of this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t fallen in love with me”

“All of this wouldn’t have happened if you would have just told me the  _truth_!”

I punched the benched and sent vibrations. I didn’t even care that there were blotches of red forming on my knuckles, I was just too damn agitated. Minseok twitched at the sight of it, but he didn’t do anything afterwards. I grasped my wrists and stared at the blood gushing out from my hands that flinched, slowly remembering how to feel a stinging pain.

“This is all my fault” he had his face turn in negation “I should have left when I had the chance”

“What, you’re just going to leave me now?”

“I should have left a long time ago!”

“Don’t-don’t go Minseok!” my voice trembled with raw need that it scared me, scared him all the more as well.

I reached my hands out to hold his hands, feel that same warm and tingling sensation he always gave me, get those butterflies in my stomach whenever we touch,  _like we used to_. Instead, Minseok jumped away and dodged my hands as if I was the most disgusting thing he ever came across with in his life and that sent thousands of needles puncturing in my heart.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Minseok-“

“Stop calling my name like that… _please_ ”

“Minseok, don’t go”

“No, Baekhyun don’t come any closer  _please_ ”

“Don’t do this to me…not right now”

“Sit down, don’t get too close to me-“ he raised his hands persuading me to back down, but I didn’t. I disobeyed him no matter what he told me that ripped me to shreds. The closer I get to him felt like years. He was pushing me away again, like he always does and I can’t take it!

“Why are you- why are you doing this to me?”

He retreated his steps.

“Why do you hinder yourself from telling me?”

“Enough Baekhyun” he warned.

“No, I won’t stop!” I took another step and let myself loose “Why don’t you tell me anything? Why won’t you tell me now? Why do you keep pushing me away? It’s driving me insane! Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut yourself out? Why do you keep all of these things to yourself? Why-“

“It’s because I love you!”

There was a long moment of near-deafening silence that fell under the night sky and only the rustling of the leaves in the trees when the wind started to pick up gave me a sign that I was still alive and still functioning and not until Minseok scraped his shoes on the rough sandfloor that everything slammed back to me, and the antagonizing ache. All of it came punching me back in the gut when I saw Minseok’s face flooded with tears of his own.

Seeing him cry like this urged my feet to automatically take a step, but with every step I took became a landmine. If I keep going, Minseok would step back. If I get too close, he would go farther from my reach until I was too frightened to move so he wouldn’t disappear.

_Don’t disappear._

_Don’t._

“I love you Byun Baekhyun,” he gravelly frowned and shook his head.

_Minseok I-_

“I’ve always loved you, from the moment I met you to the moment I came to your school and until now, I still love you” it burned in his tongue like it was the hardest thing he has ever conjured out from his lips. I could sense his reluctance, his sincere remorse that ached me in supressing my urges to hug and keep him locked in my arms.

But I can’t.

“That is why I can’t tell you about  _this_ , about me”

“I don’t care Kim Minseok,” I twitched but managed to stay in place, “I don’t care what you are, I love you and that’s what matters to me, I just-“

“We can’t be together”

“Why are the hell do you keep saying that?” my throat was getting sore from all the crying, all the shouting that I could only let out tired whispers and only by force I could let myself be heard audible.

“This is for you, I’m doing this for you”

“All you’re doing for me is stripping my humanity from me and killing Byun Baekhyun slowly!”

“I didn’t mean all of this to hurt you”

“But you sure damn did! A lot!” without hesitation, I lunged over to Minseok, gripping his forearms I shook him violently “Why can’t we be together? Tell me!”

No response.

“Is this because you’re a prostitute? I don’t care if you are Kim Minseok just please…”

Just a deadpanning gaze.

“If this is about Hyorin…”

Minseok aggressively jerked my grasp from him, sending me down to crash on the bench to look up at him. He gave me an admonishing hostile glare and balled up his fists and turned away from me to stare into the nothingness of the horizon.

“Baekhyun”

“Minseok…”

“After all of the things I’m going to tell you, I want you to just stay put and let me walk away”

“What?” I stood up from my seat and with one threatening hand from him, I found myself sitting back down.

“It’s either I tell you  _everything_ and I walk away or I will just leave you here with  _nothing_ ”

“But Minseok-“

He took one step and it was enough to have me to shut up. He waited for any more of my protests before he let himself tell me a story of what I have once been meaning to extract from him and I wish I never did for everything I’ve never known about him just made me want to destroy my stubborn and innate curiosity.

 

 

                             

 

 


	12. CHAPTER ELEVEN: Box-Shaped Smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                              

 

                                                                              

 

 

 

 

 

_“Now you know”_

_“We can’t be together:_

_“It’s because I love you!”_

_“I’m a prostitute Baek”_

_“I love you, Byun Baekhyun”_

It echoed in my mind like the never ending waves beating onto the rocks. It didn’t hurt when I learned he was a prostitute no. Minseok’s words were like the ocean and I was the rock where every words he washed over me, a gentle nudge and the water scrapes a portion of it – a part of me.

A year and a half, and finally I was going to learn the truth. But why do I feel more dead than feeling accomplished?

Again and again, it was the innate goal I’ve always wanted to achieve in order to get my life and thoughts back straight and now, sitting in front of him and giving me the choice of choosing whether to listen and unravel the truth made me want to run for when he opened his mouth to tell my mission from the start, a tale that I have been waiting for to answer the mind boggling questions running in my mind and that became the sole reason that crumbled my walls brutally like a wrecking ball from blind sight.

Minseok nonchalantly sat back down on the bench beside me leaving another wide gap of a distance between us – how odd is it to say there’s a  _gap_  between  _us_. Although he loomed reserved and calm, the eyes always betray our actions. He never directed his attention to me when he opened his mouth to speak and I could tell, this wasn’t one of the easiest things for him to do.

He shut his eyes gently and let all the memories sink into his mind.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Minseok**

 

 

My name is Kim Minseok.

I’m a Literature Professor by morning, serving my talent in teaching students the gift of humans in expressing their emotions, thoughts and creativity through the use of art as writing, prose and poetry.

I’m a prostitute at night by serving other  _talents_ to both men and women the gift of humans in experiencing emotions, sensations and satisfaction through the use of art in love-making and if the client is demanding enough, we go through severe pain and suffering – sexual sadism.

To be very honest with you, I’ve never really imagined myself as a kid to become well…a Literature Professor.

Were you expecting me to say that I never expected myself as a kid to become a prostitute? How could I say that when I’ve been serving the pleasure house since I was eight years old when they abducted me while playing basketball with some of the neighbours’ children and ever since, I have been destined to become a prostitute.

When I was abducted, in the first weeks I was scared and I cowered in the darkest corners of the pleasure house hoping nobody would ever come to notice me, not until they threw me into a dungeon alongside other children my age. We all had the same bloodshot eyes and trembling lips. None of us would talk to each other, instead we’d give haunting stares at one another and that was enough to know what was running through the course of our minds.

Minutes, Hours, Days or maybe even weeks, we don’t even know how long we’ve been down there with the rats scurrying pass by our feet. The only thing I know was, it was a very  _long_ time before they pulled us out and had a full-body check-up. One of the women who was tasked to examine me gasped in amusement and called the others as she squeezed my cheeks, jerking my head side to side.

_“Is this Jiyong’s bastard to Sohee?”_ the woman said while the others pried their eyes at me until they could find any striking resemblance to the man they mentioned.

_“This young boy has the same features of his mother just like the others, but he has something his brothers and sister doesn’t have. It’s the **eyes** ” _an elderly woman gulped and edged closer to me, pulling my head down,  _“This one has Jiyong’s eyes”_

_“What a wonderful asset”_ another woman sneered  _“He’ll be a heart breaker one day”_

_“He can be a heart breaker now”_ the elder shoved my face away sending me to tumble and crash down onto the floor.

They mentioned two names: Jiyong and Kim Sohee.

I’ve never heard those names before and it terrified me to learn if they really were truthfully and biologically my parents. I have parents of my own back at home who might have had a search party long ago, but gave up – I’ve accepted that, but what I didn’t accept was learning the truth about my birth.

Sohee was one of the most beautiful prostitutes in the pleasure business, she was petite, slender and her best asset was being  _flexible_. Men were bewitched by her effortless beauty and were satisfied to just even catch a glimpse of her. She was one of the highest in the ranks for her bidding would cost people to even go bankrupt just to have one night with her. She never fell in love with her clients, I even learned that she cried at nights because she hated being who she was now. She wanted to kill herself, run away until one night, a man in grey came inside with his brief case and earrings in tact on his ears.

Jiyong was an entrepreneur who happened to stop by the pleasure house mistaking it for a bar. Based from the stories I heard, everyone’s heart fluttered when they saw Jiyong take off his hat and revealed those breath taking eyes, half lidded and piercing through the soul. Men and Women gaped at him from afar, some would approach him and gave him hints on what the place was and offered him a night. When he realized what the place was, he packed up his stuff and walked away, only to be stopped when his ears caught Sohee’s voice.

She was singing in the middle of the bar while the others catered the other clients for the night. She never took interest in the crowd whenever she was up on the stage, not until she saw Jiyong stand in front of the stage that caused her to skip verses in her singing and for the first time, she stammered and dropped the mic.

They fell in love at first sight.

Jiyong became a constant client for Sohee and eventually she got pregnant.

I was the offspring of Sohee and Jiyong.

When I came into their lives, the women from the pleasure house told me she became reluctant in participating into any sexual activities and she rather tended on her baby, but the business owners didn’t approve of that and they had me stripped off from my mother’s arms and that was the last time she ever got to see me again. Days after I was taken away, she killed herself. For Jiyong? Nobody heard from him ever since.

With my mother dead, their business started to slide down and now that they have found me, they were meaning to use me as to pay for the debts my mother’s death caused their business.

I became a tool at the age of ten.

I was once again thrown into a dungeon with promises that they were going to teach me everything I needed to know – I never wanted to know any of it, but I had no way in declining.

In that dungeon, there were three other children a bit older than I am who when upon walking into the moonlight made me gasp in shock. They later introduced themselves as Sohee’s children from other men. I had two step-brothers and a step-sister.

The step-sister happens to be Hyorin.

Everyone in the pleasure house may it be the  _apprentices_  or the seniors and legends eyed us with great interest. The prodigies of Sohee they called us, the quartet, the gold, the answer. It didn’t matter to me when I was young what they called us, but as soon as we reached puberty, I would literally cry myself at night.

At the age of fourteen, they pushed us into bidding. We would have a name tag wrapped around our neck as we stand on top of the stage and walk around as clients write down on their papers their choices. After that, they proclaimed that we were virgins and the clients changed their minds quickly erasing their choices and quickly raise their hands for the first bid. As expected by many, the four of us got the highest bids and were sent off to have our  _first_  night. We felt horrified and stoned when we were being dragged down to be handed to our  _clients._

The first night of going through intercourse. I still shudder at every moment of it. I can remember  _everything_  and it was a curse that plagued my mind up until now. The woman who won me was in her late twenties. She stripped herself naked without hesitation and took me in her arms. I couldn’t react, I didn’t know what to do. My mind went blank and my gears stopped responding that I was unaware that we were already thrusting against each other. It was painful, it was awkward, it had me on goosebumps as she called my name again and again, moaning and kissing me until I could faint. She was having fun, but me? It drove me mad, insane and I felt my life being drained away with every brush of her fingers all over my body. Little did she knew, she was making love to a corpse.

After that one night, the woman signed up to be a constant client of mine. I would cry into Hyorin’s arms until one of them would yank my hair and lock me with the woman. Hyorin had the similar issue as mine for she had a client who was unwilling to let her go every time they meet. One of our brothers one day, just stopped breathing for some unknown reason, he died. From pure exhaustion? From a disease? Nobody knew. The other? We never knew what happened for he went missing with a client and we never saw him again.

In the end, it was only me and Hyorin.

We grew close and met other prostitutes, one of them became our closest friend. His name was Luhan, a Chinese boy who was sold into the pleasure house and was now working under the same roof as us. The three of us formed a strong bond that we pinky-promised one another that one day, we will escape from this shit hole. We would always hatch plans Luhan always had his brilliant ideas to be executed.

There was one time we almost got out when Luhan seduced one of the guards and hacked into the database, erasing all of our datas both offline and online. Now all you could see when searching for our names would be blurred pictures or unknown errors would occur. When we got caught, we spent a day being whipped and being punished and as for Hyorin?

She got a different treatment and led her sixteen year old life into chaos.

_“What do you mean you’re pregnant?”_ Luhan and I once cried over her when she was cocooned up in one corner unable to face us for she relived all of the horrors in her mind.

Hyorin gave birth at age seventeen.

Hyorin told us that she wanted to keep the child for she grew to love the boy but it was whisked away from her arms – just like I was when I was an infant – and we never saw the child again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Minseok had his head down all the time when he was telling me about the truth. The unbelievable, surrealism truth about his story – about  _him_. My mind on the other hand, was blank throughout of it all, I couldn’t believe it, how could he have this kind of miserable life? How could anyone do this to him and Hyorin? Guilt plagued my heart when I remembered how many times I’ve hurt him, cursed him and burdened him with my selfish treatment towards him. Oh how I suffocated him.

“Before I continue, I just want to tell you what happened in the hospital” Minseok never turned his eyes to look at me.

“Okay”

“Hyorin and I…we…” he cleared his throat. I placed a hand over his but he jerked it off immediately causing a dagger to pierce through my heart.

“You and Hyorin?” I continued, pretending nothing happened a second ago.

“We shared a client” he paused and closed his eyes “The client made us…me and Hyorin…”

“And you checked if the child was yours…right?” I choked in my words and averted my gaze from Minseok who in my peripheral nodded grimly.

“That’s why I went with Hyorin to the hospital, it was because she was pregnant” Minseok dug his nails deep into his palms.

Breathless, I shook my head “And…?”

“Luckily it wasn’t mine. It was the client’s”

Relief slammed in my heart.

He didn’t impregnate his step-sister.

She didn’t have Minseok’s child.

I could scream to the heavens with the heavy weight lifted up from my heart. Thank goodness.

“So, what’s going to happen to the child?” I asked in curiosity, remembering how her first child was yanked out from her arms. Maybe they’re going to do it again if they learned about it.

Minseok’s eyes remained shut while he spoke, “Luhan brought Tao with us the other night, we discussed about giving Tao the baby while Luhan and I figure something out”

_So…all those time sneaking out…_

“And Luhan and I are going to figure out how we’re going to get out of this godforsaken work” he said it with such intensity and passion that it gave me goosebumps in hearing him say it.

_He looked so…different._

This is the first time I saw him so determined and angry and hopeful about something. He means to escape, to run because his life depended on it, his future and he’s been carrying around Hyorin because he was protecting her.  I have been a fool to think of him as a jerk, I keep asking him so many things that little did I knew he was experiencing all of these hardships when he asked me for nothing in return. He truly is something, huh?

_Stupid, stupid me really._

“What are you chuckling about?” Minseok’s question alarmed me. Have I been chuckling? Completely accepting the fact that I was unaware of chuckling, I nibbled on my lips.

“You’re so amazing, you know that?”

“Amazing how? Running away instead of facing everything like a man?” his tone clicked harsher and colder this time.

“Now that’s just unnecessary Kim Minseok”

“I know- I’m just-“ he tugged the hairs on his head and propped his elbows on his lap with bloodshot eyes staring into the nothingness of the air. There he was again, all confused and tired and here I am. Why do I keep talking? Nothing comes out from my mouth makes anything better.

“I’m sorry,” I wiped the water in my eyes “I’ve done nothing but stress you, I should shut up and-“

“No! No, it’s not your fault Baek” he turned to me and as if it felt like forever, Minseok placed his palms over my cheeks.

The world froze.

It became dark.

It became warm.

Both of us stared into each other’s eyes. Scanning. Searching. Calculating. Analyzing.

My heart went:  _ba-bump_. Just like the first day I saw him in school as my professor. God, how it feels nice to feel his skin again-

A beat after, Minseok jerked his hands away and turned his back from me and then, the world began to move again, my surroundings became visible and reality sank back. I wanted to reach for him again, but I know it’ll hurt the both of us, so I hid my hands behind my back and waited for a while before he spoke.

“At times in the pleasure house, I would always seek to solace in reading books. One of them in particular became my favourite” he murmured.

“Memoirs of a Geisha”

He nodded solemnly and began reciting a very familiar verse that had become important to me and only did I realize it was going to be haunting me for the rest of my days.

_“The heart dies. A slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes, nothing remains. She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water.”_

_It’s the monologue I used for my audition…_

_“It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world.”_

_It is not for Geisha to want…not for a geisha to feel._

_“She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.”_

Minseok met my eyes with a side smile.

“When I came across that verse, it had struck me like lightning. It echoed in my mind for years. I’ve been relating myself to Chiyo over the course of my life when I came to understand it” Minseok gently shut rolled his eyes close.

“Minseok…”

“I’ve never understood why Chiyo would still want to be a Geisha knowing she will undergo such hardships such as people bidding for her  _mizuage._ Why did she want to be involved in Hatsumomo and Mameha’s plans? Why didn’t she just throw herself in the waters after knowing what Geishas are really for?” Minseok tightened his grip “They are a moving work of art, they entertain and were respected due to their beauty and gracefulness. But what do they serve other than giving men pleasure?”

“Chiyo had no choice Minseok…she was just an innocent girl caught amidst the schemes of the two greatest Geishas. She didn’t want to be a part of it, no” I shifted my position on the seat “She’s just going all through it for the Chairman”

“Do you not think it’s foolish of her?”

“Why would it be foolish?”

“A Geisha does not want, does not feel-“

“But isn’t it the  _love_  she has for Chairman was what kept her going? Kept her alive through it all, kept her strong, it gave her hope in achieving her dream just to be beside him, talk to him. Become her  _danna_ ”

Minseok fell silent, with steady eyes watching me intently.

“The Chairman was the guiding light to the end of her dark tunnel. The Chairman was the beacon of light”

There was nothing but the leaves falling softly to the ground. Light enough to brush away the blades, but light enough to create any noise to disturb Minseok.

“The Chairman  _saved_  her”

Minseok smiled widely with mournful eyes and choked.

“As you are to me”

“Wh-what?”  _Minseok…_

“One particular summer day, a young man went inside the pleasure house, mistaking it for a bar” he made sure to look at me with a cheeky grin.

“Oh” I blushed like mad.  _I mistook a pleasure house for a bar?_

“A manager walked up to him, asked him what he was doing here. He looked  _too_ young to be there. The young man said he wanted to have a couple of drinks because he wanted to take away from problems. So, the manager asked Hyorin to drug him and rob him off of his money.

Luhan and I were watching Hyorin go up to that young man, put a pill inside the alcoholic drink until it disintegrated and slowly, the young man became unaware of everything, like he was high. Hyorin took him inside the room in the back and the most extraordinary thing happened.

After a good ten minutes, Hyorin came rushing out, untouched, clean and was  _actually_  smiling. Curious, Luhan and I went inside the room and found him fast asleep in the bed. Hyorin began to tell us the story of how when she stripped down naked, you flung your jacket over her and hid under the bed sheets yelling: ‘I’m not supposed to see that! Put it away!’ that sent her laughing.”

“I did that?” I covered my mouth with my hands and let myself be succumbed into embarrassment.

“There’s more”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Minseok**

 

 

 

 

 

“He took his thumb and drew on it with a marker and called it his Macho Undertaker for thumb wrestling” Hyorin giggled and showed the evidence to us.

“You’ve drugged the poor guy too much that his brain might have disintegrated along with it” Luhan chuckled loud enough for us to hear.

I went over to bend and take a good look at the young man who was smiling in his sleep. I brushed the strands of hair that littered across his eyes. He looked very handsome, I thought. But he was too young, maybe in his High School year?

What was he doing all the way over here?

“Minseok” Luhan patted my back.

But somehow, my eyes were stuck on him. I could never take it off from him for some odd reason. It took Luhan at least four times to call me before I walked up to Hyorin and begged them to escort him out before someone else catches him.

“What of the money? The manager told me to get it from him” Hyorin’s hands trembled.

“We’re going to rob off some unfortunate soul? No way. We’re better than that Hyorin” I clasped her hands in mine, giving it comforting squeezes, “Let’s use my money”

“Minseok!” objected Luhan who shot me disapproving eyes “That will not suffice for the plane ticket if you’re going to give money for this stranger! I say we just take the money and leave him be on the streets”

The poor guy doesn’t deserve to be taken advantage of. I don’t want him to have a miserable life like the three of us. So I refused whatever Luhan threw at me until he agreed.

“I’ve gone through a lot of years of suffering to save money, what more a couple of weeks?”

After agreeing with each other, we took out the young man only to be greeted by our managers who smirked darkly at us and said:

“We could use a pretty boy like him”

I stood up and fought against them. I didn’t want another person to have the life we had to go through.

But as always, they had their way. They forced me in taking the young man and strip him off of his virginity so they could train him easier. Unlike us, we were trained slowly but they were going to speed things up for him.

I took the young man to have a couple of drinks for the drug was wearing off and the weirdest thing happened. Inside the pleasure house, he dragged me and asked me where the rooftop was. We climbed the stairs and sat on the far edge of the rooftop and drank to our heart’s content. I couldn’t comprehend what he was meaning to achieve by taking me into the rooftop but later I understood why.

The sun drowned in the horizon, shooting pastel colors of periwinkle mixed with custard yellow with it's rays of light glimmering in the darkness. A shy ball of light hiding from our gaze, easing slowly down taking the clouds with it and rose another face. The moon climbed up dragging the stars along with it until it rested on top of the vast ocean of darkness, the sound of necromancy flooded our ears.

Nothing ever looked so magical in my life.

Except for one thing…

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Minseok looked at me and raised his finger to trace an outline of a box in the air and that alone had the tears slam back into my eyes.

“Your box-shaped smile”

I buried my face into my hands and just let me drown in my tears. Why do I always end up crying in every little thing he says? I am such a cry baby!

“When you smiled at me with that box-shaped smile of yours, I felt safe, I felt happy as if you were flooding with sunshine that it became contagious and overflowed to me. You laughed and it was music to my ears, like birds that tweeted when the sun woke up along with you. I felt warm, fuzzy, things I have never experienced in my whole life”

_Why do you say such sweet things?_

_"_ He was magical, he had a divine heart, such a piece of art he was"

_It’s unbearable I can’t contain it._

“You told me your problems that night, told me about your parents, your school, the audition for MID School of Artistry. Everything! You told me  _everything_ about  _you_ ” Minseok laughed “The only thing I didn’t know about you, was  _your name_  and did you know how it drove me nuts last summer?”

_Like how you drove me nuts too._

“I took you to have sex, but all of those memories and your smile came back to me and I didn’t continue. Instead, I sought help from Luhan and Hyorin. Luhan stayed in the pleasure house to keep watch while Hyorin and I took you to the address of your hotel and then, with one more look, I left you and the cold winter’s grasp came back into my frozen heart as the warmth you gave me, stayed with you”

_Minseok…_

“Not long after, Luhan and I raised an issue with the manager and they gave us permission to have other jobs in the morning as long as we keep our jobs as prostitutes they would allow us. We had no other choice so we agreed. We needed the money to escape, and we’re going to do it with those conditions”

Wiping my tears, I spoke, “So you became a Literature Professor to earn extra money…”

“Yes,” he nodded and snorted dejectedly “Luhan got a job in the Bowling Alley, Hyorin found a job in EXODUS Academy as a music teacher and me? I followed her to keep a close eye and became a Literature Professor and that never stopped us from planning our great escape”

He flickered his eyes to me and curved his lips into grin.

“I wanted to run away, I wanted to move into another country and start a new life but there was one person hindering me in doing so. When I didn’t see him for a long time, I thought the gods were being cruel and gave me this twisted fate in seeing him again but when we did meet again, he turns out to be my student”

He paused and played with his fingers.

"I grew up in a place filled with illusion of love. I was a whore. We have fun, spend my nights having sex that falling in love was out of the question. We were trained to see that falling in love was reckless, it'll only endanger our working habit our...mental and emotional state..." Minseok trails off staring into nothing until he leaves one long exasperated sigh. “Everything was getting along fine but then  _you_  happened” he downcasted his eyes “Everything was fine, we had everything planned out. Years of planning only to be cancelled because of you – no wait, it’s because of me!”

I fondled with my fingers, feeling my heart pound in my chest rapidly and watch him shiver in his spot. Guilt, confusion, all of it washing over him like a tsunami.

“Am I a bad thing?” I let out a hoarse voice.

“No! No,” Minseok reached his hand out to grab me but stopped himself in just the right time. I wish he did grab for me, I long for his warmth.

“I’m sorry if I caused you three your freedom, your plans of escaping”

“No, it’s not your fault Baekhyun. It’s my fault”

“But it’s me who kissed your first, it was I who keeps on asking you again and again only to bring you pain and-“

“It’s not your fault that  _I fell in love with you_ ” Minseok screamed at my face causing me to halt and shut up. He twisted his fingers and shut his eyes tight and let himself hung his head low.

My hands jiggled and twitched as I let those words sink into my mind:  _I fell in love with you._

“It’s because of me Minseok, it’s still because of me”

“Don’t blame yourself for something you did not commit Baekhyun,” he tried edging closer, but not enough for our knees to touch “I chose you, I chose to love you, I chose to be with you, I chose to live with you, I chose to keep on kissing you because I love you Byun Baekhyun, I love you so much”

“Then why push me away if you love me as damn much as well?” this time, I didn’t repress myself. I took his hands whether he liked it or not and squeezed it tight “I’ll take care of you Kim Minseok, I will! I can learn how to cook for you, I will work hard and take you away from the pleasure house and we’ll live in a small cottage by the sea!”

“Baekhyun…”

“I’ll write songs and sing you lullabies if you have a hard time sleeping. I will keep you close, hug you until those nightmares would fly away from your mind”

“Bae-“

“I would do anything just to make you happy Minseok! I might be young, I might be naïve to how everything works but I can assure you, I will do everything in my power to make you happy!”

“But we can’t be together damnit!” he shoved me aside letting me fall down onto the floor as he stood up and began trudging away.

“Minseok!” I scampered on my feet and ran after him, “What, after chasing me you’re just going to let me chase you now? Kim Minseok come back here!”

“Whatever you’re going to do Baekhyun, I’ll let you know one thing” he turned around but still retreating in his steps farther away “We can  _never_ be together. I’ve realized it”

“Come here, come back into my arms. Be imprisoned in my arms for a lifetime!”

Minseok shook his head and let a tear fall from his eyes.

“Even if I go to you,  _I_ can  _never_  be  _yours_ ”

“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

“It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel-“

“You are not like a Geisha Minseok! You have a choice, you said it yourself. You chose to love me. You chose to be with me, I don’t get why you’re still playing this Geisha card!?”

“Because in reality I can never be yours fully” he croaked “Just like Chiyo, she can never have the Chairman because the Chairman has a real wife and Chiyo was bound to her duty as a Geisha”

“You’re not Chiyo, and I am not the Chairman!” I screamed back “You’re Kim Minseok and I’m Byun Baekhyun and this is our story!”

“Life has many different chapters for us. I’m just a chapter in your life Baekhyun, one bad chapter doesn't mean it's the end of the book” he backed down faster.

“Do you hear yourself right now? Kim Minseok, the book of my life wouldn't be complete if you're not in every chapter of that book!” I picked up the pace and went closer and closer until he turned his back and urged his feet to start running again.

“No Baekhyun, we can never be-“

“I don’t need a perfect relationship, I just need someone who won’t give up on me, as I won’t give up on you!”

For some odd reason, my feet never get tired. We ran everywhere until the gates of the subdivision were just a few feet away where there were guards in slumber on their chairs and unfinished coffees and donuts that they thought could keep them up throughout the night, but the only reason that kept them awake on the rest was our constant bickering.

I caught up with Minseok and tug his arms only for him to whisk it away from me. At least, he stopped this time and urged himself to face me.

How long have we been crying? Our eyes never did run out of water did they?

“Baekhyun, think about your dreams! To be an actor! To have your name plastered in neon led signs! People chanting your name! To be adored and loved by many!” Minseok pushed my hands away back to my chest but I kept on reaching out for him.

“What's the point of all of that if I can't share my dream with you? Don't you see Kim Minseok? I love you damn it! I don't want to be adored or loved by anyone other than you! I'll ignore every one of them because I only want you”

“I tried everything Baekhyun. I tried to make you angry towards me and I thought that  _hate_  would suffice enough for you to let me go...but I was wrong..." Minseok clenched his fists tightly until his fingers grew white, "No, no please don’t want me”

“But I do! I still do! You told me everything and now I can understand you more! I can help you more! Minseok let me- just let me-“

“No! Just no!” he cried pitifully and shove me once again aside.

Pain.

Now that’s a word I have came to grow fond of. If there was a rule in the game of life that whenever you experience or use pain and gain a dollar? I would be fucking rich now.

I was slowly becoming numb. I was getting used to it.

“Tell me you don’t care” I hissed at Minseok who was taken aback.

“What?” he blinked twice.

“Tell me you don’t care!” I yelled at him and let the water gush out from my eyes.

He inhaled deeply and frowned, the corner of his lips digging deep into his skin.

“I can’t do that”

“Why not you fucking asshole!? Tell me you don’t care!”

“I just- can’t”

“Tell me you don't care! Tell me I'm some sort of mistake, a diversion, a toy or some cold hearted son of a bitch so I could move on!”

It was the worst feeling. It’s when someone makes you special suddenly leaves you hanging.

Just like that, Minseok gave me one last look of dismay and turned his back to walk away. I stood there watching the air brush his hair and know I can never do that ever again. Watch him walk alone knowing that I can never be there beside him. Watched him sway his hand and know that I can never slip my fingers between it where I knew my hands fits perfectly before.

It’s funny how people claim they want you in their life and yet, they let go of you so easily.

Life is hard. He once told me that. Forgive everything, he whispered to me once.

“When you care about people,  **hurt** is kind of part of the package”

One of the hardest things in life, nothing hurts more than realizing he became my everything. And watching that everything walk away from you and letting go of everything you thought was real was killing me inside.

Minseok would always come back.

He’s done it whenever I walk away, he would tug me back. Whenever he walks back, he’d come and kiss me.

But it never came.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I returned to the apartment with a blank expression, a blank mind and a blank heart. I didn’t even know how I got here in the apartment in the first place. I only gain consciousness when I plopped myself onto my huge empty bed and let myself sink there and let the emotions slam back into me. I screamed, I cried, I scowled and I punctured holes into the sheets with my sharp nails tearing it apart. Everything that had happened was overwhelming. I could feel myself shattering for I could barely contain any of it anymore. And so, I let myself go and cry to myself until I fell asleep.

Sleep came to me easily, it picked me up from my bed and took away all of the problems from my heavy heart. The moon sang me lullabies and the sandman came to take me off to places where dreams never went to. It was just a world of pitch black void. Just like my heart that he left here to wither away.

I didn’t want to wake up, no. But the sound of a door closing, it had my eyes to bolt straight open and I was out of the bed in a millisecond. I whisked the door open and saw Minseok taking off his shoes and throwing his coat on top of the couch. My voice didn’t come out, I couldn’t utter any words, I just remained frozen in place until he could look up at me and stare into my eyes.

Minseok locked his gaze at me, completely at a full stop, surprised to see me awake I presume. He walked over to me and took my hands and without any words, he pushed me inside the room and lay me on top of the bed where he pressed his lips on mine.

My cheeks gained those pink colors, my hands began to tingle and my heart started to pump blood as he kissed me and breathed life into me again.

I closed my eyes and let my hands travel everywhere just to relish and rejoice that I can hold him in my arms just like old times. He lifted our shirt and pulled down our pants, I never intervened in stopping him, I wanted to feel him again.

It felt like forever since I last got to hold him like this.

I’m glad, he returned.

He brushed his hands over my torso and let me shiver in his touches in delight. I nibbled on his ears and sucked every patch of skin exposed in front of my eyes. I snaked my arms around his waist and let him further push himself in me as I let out exasperated moans.

“Minseok-ah”

It was a night I would never forget.

And I wish…

I could because for being so unforgettable, it haunted me the next morning to find the empty bed space beside me and I wondered, was it real or did I just dream of him returning to me?

 

 

 


	13. CHAPTER TWELVE: Goodbye

   
  
   

 

 

 

                            

 

                                                                                
  
  
  


 

**Morning came, afternoon passed, night fell. Nothing.**

Two o’clock in the morning, the clock was ticking a beat a second. The night grew darker, the clouds hid the moon from the sky and left the bleak grey apartment living room dead. I had my legs curled up to my chest where my eyes lingered on the door of our apartment. I had been sitting here for over two hours now, with a blank mind but seemed like forever.

There were no more tears that fell from my cheek. I’ve used them all up and I’ve reached my limit where I was nothing but a dry barren wasteland.

He wasn't coming back.

_Love is a murderer in disguise._

It killed every single last bit of Byun Baekhyun.

And he still isn’t coming back.

I’m not alive, I’m just a walking corpse doomed to roam the earth with the burden of carrying once precious memories a person named Byun Baekhyun once shared with a man named-

I can’t even say his name without getting ripped to pieces.

_He was never coming back._

And all of the memory I have of him left was the suitcase he left on the couch that I couldn’t bear to open. Instead, I just watched it with bloodshot eyes hoping, it would open up and he would come out of it, if t’were possible. But with a day gone, he didn’t show up.

Only in my dream he roamed, only in my dreams his touches haunted me.

When I wake up, I touch the things he used to touch just to look for echoes of his fingers.

Heck, I even went to his apartment but the landowner told me the man who once lived there packed all of his stuff and moved away. I checked my phone and all of our messages, his numbers were erased. Not even a picture I took of us was left.

Maybe he was not real?

Maybe he was a dream?

But if he didn’t really exist, then why do I feel in so much pain and why doesn’t it go away?

I believed in him, once in a blue moon.

I believed the words when he told me he loved me, he cared for me and he wanted me. But as days went by, I noted to myself that “I love you” is different from “I will never leave you”

A week later, I moved back with my mother and disposed of the apartment – along with my dreams, memories and whatever was left of Byun Baekhyun. I continued to go to MID School of Artistry though, I wasn’t going to let a person hinder me from achieving my career.

But how can emptiness still feel heavy?

I was usually sad, I’d bawl my eyes out whenever I come home and lock myself in my room. My body started to shut down. I never felt sad again, I never cried. Instead, I got the worst feeling a human could ever get: Numbness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Honey, Sehun’s on the phone, he just wants to check up on you” my mother called out with a worried tone, but I didn’t answer. She just took my silence as a ‘no’ and closed the phone quietly.

Chanyeol had been talking to Sehun and Jongin recently, he told them how weird I acted, how I looked so pale and emotionless as if all the life out of me had been drained and what’s only left was my bones. Like a zombie just living for food and not anymore processing thinking and emotions. Being the worried friends, Sehun and Jongin never stopped calling me every single day.

Mother tried talking to me but I never responded. My two cousins tried making me laugh, but I couldn’t. Not anymore.

I would walk up to my room and lock myself and lay on the bed. I used to cry, but now I lie down with a blank expression. I never thought I’d get used with the pain, but now I did.

I no longer cared if I had a heart or a hole, never cared if I was whole or hollow, I just wanted to move on but I can't bring myself to.

Mom would ask me what happened to me and all I could do was close my eyes and bury my head into the table.

“Baekhyun, you’re getting skinnier” mom held my wrists and gasped “Why aren’t you eating?”

I was unmoving.

“Do you want to go see a doctor? Is something the matter?” she brushed my hair and still, nothing “It’s avocado, you  _love_ avocado right?”

I shoved the Avocado plate aside and stood up and left her once more – it was my new daily routine.

Unaware of my surroundings, I slammed the door shut and just stood there staring into the dented posters hanging on my wall. I winced at the memory of how I threw my stuff everywhere after I cried so hard when I fucking missed him.

Who knew a person who leave a gigantic hole in my heart and affect me like this?

Sometimes, I wished I didn’t go away last summer. Sometimes I wished I didn’t provoked him. Sometimes I wished I just died here and now. Anything just to forget him.

But how could I?

Getting over someone who meant the world to you is probably one of the toughest things a person will ever have to do.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun. Someone’s here to see you” mother called out for me, and it wasn’t unusual. It could be Sehun, Jongin or Chanyeol on my doorstep so I didn’t really care.

“Tell them I’m asleep” I mouthed mom who narrowed her eyes into a glare and rolled her eyes.

“Sorry, he’s asleep”

“It’s urgent” came a new voice. A voice I’ve never come across with that had me jumping onto my feet.

“Urgent? Why? Did something happen?” she gasped. I ran over to them and opened the door wider gently urging mom to go inside the house and letting myself handle this.

There it was, a gorgeous young man in his late twenties staring right back at me with silverfish-blonde hair that complimented his brown hazel-nut eyes. He clutched his brown coat neatly to bow in greetings and held out his hand shortly after introducing himself.

“Good morning,” he said as I took his hand and shook it.

“May I help you?”

“Guess you don’t know me” he huffed “But I do know you. Oh yes, I do”

I swallowed.

“A very dear friend of mine always mentions you. Oh yes, he says your name all the time. Lovingly and admiringly I may add. He never shuts up about you too. He goes on and on without stopping” he eye-smiled and nodded repeatedly “I bet you’re wondering who I am”

“I think I already know” I skittered away from the doorway and gestured him inside. He took off his shoes and followed me into the living room. He greeted my mother once again and we both plopped ourselves to have a seat. I offered him coffee but he refused.

“You know me good sir?” he pursed his lips.

“You’re Luhan I take it?”

“Fascinating” he said and crossed his legs, placing his intertwined hands on top.

“Why are you here?”

“I was wondering why  _you’re_ still here”

“What do you mean?”

“The plane is going to take off in two hours, aren’t you going to say farewell?” Luhan peered over his wrist and fluttered his doe eyes back at me.

I gave him a perplexed look, completely demented at him. I don’t know what he was talking about and I wish he could just go straight to the point.

The longer I stared at him, the faster his smile disappeared. He sat up, fidgeted in his seat and had his mouth hung open as he laughed in shock.

“Holy shit! You didn’t open the brief case did you?” he stood up from his seat and began pacing infront of me “Holy shit!”

“What do you mean? What’s going on? Hey would you sit down?” this guy was getting on my nerves.

“You are one dense kid!” Luhan pointed at me and laughed all amused to see my infuriated face.

“Hey! Would you tell me what’s going on?” I demanded it rather than it sounding like a question.

“Where’s the brief case?” Luhan picked up the pillows one by one and searched under the couch to crawl and look for the said object.

“Luhan would you pl-“

“You have less than two hours boy! You need to open the brief case now!” he hoisted me up from my seat “Where is your brief case boy?”

“It’s in my room!”

Without giving me enough time to finish my answer, Luhan dragged me up into my bedroom and kicked my door open. He threw me inside and ordered me to look for the brief case and bring it to him while he stood there waiting.

“Wow, Minseok was right in detail when he told me what your room looks like” he snickered and rubbed his nose.

“Minseok told you the story of-?” I cut myself off as my face flustered.

_Minseok…_

_It’s been a while since I said that name…_

Upon finding the brief case, I handed it over to Luhan who flung it open and threw it on the bed. The brief case scattered hundreds of newspaper cut-outs that had me and Luhan digging to find  _anything_  that could tell me what he's up to. It seemed to me, Luhan never knew what was in that brief case either.

The newspaper cut-outs had the same names written all over: Kwon Jiyong.

Luhan gave a small twinge of an amused chuckled, “So, all this time…he was searching for his father”

“Kwon Jiyong?” I murmured to myself, a bit astonished as I ran my fingers over the paper.

The man, truly looked like Minseok. From the tips of his nose, those thick eyebrows, to his thin lips, his gummy smile and those  _eyes._ The eyes that those women drooled over for he looked like his father.

“But…isn’t Kwon Jiyong a famous producer?” I read some of the articles and bit my lips, holding back a gasp.

“I thought Minseok was going to give up searching for him” Luhan read some of the scribbled letters Minseok wrote in each newspaper. Jiyong's whereabouts, achievements, vacation spots, contact details, but to no avail.

“I think he did…” I read one of the newspaper clippings where he encircled Incheon and wrote on the side:  _Impossible._

_It seems to me, Minseok had given up._  He's given up searching for his father. But why would he give up? Was it because of his contract? Was it because of his work? Because of me? Because of whatever the hell is happening right now? Or...was he still continuing on in search for his father?

“Did you know it was one of Minseok’s dream to meet his father?” Luhan said quietly, as if he was trying to tell that to himself rather than relaying a fact to me, that had me snap my attention to him. He smiled at me sadly once he noticed my sudden interest and titled his head “He means to meet him and ask Jiyong to adopt him. He means to live with him one day”

I fondled on the newspaper clipping I held and folded it into two. Luhan questioned me on what I was doing not until I took out my wallet and pushed it inside and looked up to him. I shook my head and beamed at him as I continued to dig through the newspaper clippings.

Luhan and I kept on digging until I found a yellow letter:

 

_To my dear Avocado Warrior Baekhyun._

 

We exchanged looks and picked it up.

“Open it” Luhan shoved his hands in his pockets and sat on the bed, “He told me you would have read it by now…”

My heart panged in my ears, I’ve never felt this nervous in my whole life. It was a yellow letter with his handwriting on it and a small drawing of the same face he drew on his thumb when we had a thumb wrestling match.

Was it possible to have my heart beat like this again? It astonished me really. I retreated my steps only to fall on my bum when I found the edge of my bed and sat beside Luhan who stayed clear from intruding in reading the note.

I closed the note and shut my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Luhan asked.

“I’m scared” was all I could say before fluttering my eyes and opened the note.

 

 

_My dear Baekhyun,_

_By the time you read this, I won’t be there beside you any longer and possibly…_

_I won’t be able to be there with you **ever..**_

 

 

I pressed the note close and shook my head.

“Read it Baekhyun, you have to” Luhan patted my back and whispered encouraging words until I gathered my strength to read once again.

 

 

_I’m sorry if I hurt you, I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you._

_I told myself if I pursued in loving you, being a prostitute wouldn’t matter. I truly envisioned a life with you, you know? I imagined that if we be together I can face the world. I longed to escape the whore house and be with you. I wanted to run away with you._

_I was ready to make you mine as you have made me yours._

_But I couldn’t…_

_I may be selfish for not telling you anything, but I did it for you. I didn’t want you to get hurt, Hell, I didn’t want you to cry because I don’t want seeing you in pain, but the pain that made you cry so hard last night was inflicted by me. I am so sorry…_

_I want you to know I love you so much._

_Do you know how I cried every night? How much of the guilt you put me through? How many times you told me you love me again and again?_

_Do you know how many times I want to scream it to the heavens how much I love you Byun Baekhyun? How much you drove me crazy in the middle of the night and let my_

_heart explode? I've never felt so happy in a long time._

_Do you know that whenever I kiss someone on the mouth, I would always cry because I didn't want anybody to touch the same lips I use to kiss you?_

_Whenever I have sex I wish I could just die and be this walking corpse because I never wanted to betray your feelings?_

 

 

“Luhan, do you have a car?”

“I do, yes!”

“Come on, we have to go!”

 

_I want to kiss you again._

 

“Hurry Luhan!”

“I’m trying! I’m doing the best I can!”

 

_I want to hold you in my arms._

 

“Luhan come on!”

“Baekhyun wait up!”

 

_But I can’t anymore…I just can’t._

 

“Excuse me, Miss? Where’s the Flight to Beijing?”

 

_Two weeks from now, I’ll be out of Korea for good._

 

“Which flight to Beijing exactly sir?”

“Luhan! Which flight was it again?!”

 

_The Prostitute house is part of a Syndicate. The syndicate had me hired by a client who bought me. She lives in Beijing China. She's going to make me hers. She bought me._

 

“Oh I’m sorry sir, but the plane is ready to take off now”

“No way!”

 

_This is why we can’t be together. It had been a year since the contract had been forged._

 

“Baekhyun where are you going?! Baekhyun!”

 

_I wish you could read this note before I leave._

 

“Baekhyun you can’t go aboard a moving plane!”

 

_I want to see you…just one last time…_

 

“Baekhyun!”

“I have to try Luhan! I have to!”

 

_I want to kiss you, tell you how much you meant to me._

 

“Baekhyun!”

 

_I will miss those random moments that makes me smile no matter what’s going on with my life right now. Knowing it’s you who caused it._

 

“Sir, you are not allowed to- sir! Security breached, a civilian has broken out into the field!”

“Baekhyun no!”

 

_It hurts when you have someone in your heart, but you can never have them in your arms._

 

“Kim Minseok!” I ran, I screamed, I cried until my lungs would bleed. I ran after the plane that was readying itself to take off.

I will never stop. I won’t stop.

I won’t let it pass.

I won’t let Kim Minseok leave. I can’t.

“Kim Minseok!”

 

_Thank you for everything. Thank you for being the light in the end of the tunnel. Thank you for giving me feelings, thank you for letting me defy my boundaries. Thank you for being the Chairman for my Chiyo. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for loving me._

 

“Kim Minseok!” I ran until my bones would break, I ran until I could no longer breathe, I ran until I was drenched in sweat, just behind the tail of the plane I prayed would never fly.

 

_Baekhyun…I want you to know…_

 

“Kim Minseok!”

“Security! Security!”

 

_What we had was real…_

 

“Kim Minseok, Kim Minseok, Minseok-ah, Minseok-ah!” I screamed maniacally. Wildly. Violently as the plane slowly lifted it’s tires into the air. I reached out my hands desperately as the familiar emotions slammed back into me.

 

_You were my new dream Baekhyun._

 

A shed of tear that I thought was no longer possible flooded my face. Refilled with a new tank of water, a tank filled with grief and sorrow.

 

_I love you, goodbye._

  * _Kim Minseok_




 

Four words.

Four bittersweet words that could murder someone.

_I love you_ and  _Goodbye_.

Just like that…

He was gone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Baekhyun…” Luhan whispered as he drove the car back to my house. I was once again numb to the world, not even a brush of air gave me any feeling that I existed. Luhan sighed heavily and remained quiet throughout the trip.

He dropped me off my house and patted my shoulders.

“Baekhyun…”

I raised my brows in acknowledgement despite my eyes becoming dark circles of blank void.

“Thank you for everything you did” he chuckled solemnly “You helped Minseok in lots of ways. You helped Hyorin too, and because of what you did for my best friends, you helped me too”

I remained silent.

“Forgive everything” he said and turned around “don’t give up on your dreams too Baekhyun, continue on and become the actor you wanted to be”

The light of Luhan’s car blinded me until it became little balls of light in the distance and then, Luhan was gone from my sight. I trudged my way back inside the house and greeted my mother who was glad to see me back and responding. She ran to me and took me in her arms and I let myself just succumb into her embrace.

She gave me pancakes and an avocado shake as she told me of any interesting stories. One time, she slipped in mentioning dad that she quickly shut herself up.

“Mom, dad isn’t coming back is he?” I said without the intention of getting her offended. But it looked like she didn’t even mind it at all.

“You know Baekhyun, sometimes people aren’t just cut out to stay with us forever” she sighed and sipped her coffee “It’s complicated being human, you just have so many things to feel and think about that one day it just breaks you down”

“But why mom, if you love someone you fight for them right? You don’t just break down and go away like that…”

“Sometimes Baek, it’s best if we let the people we love go. They need time for themselves, away from what hurts them. Sometimes if you care, it’s what kills you”

“And so you let go of dad”

“I did” she became sullen “So, I have nothing to do but heal”

I scraped the table’s mantle with my nails and absent-mindedly picked on it. Mom looked at me with interest and sighed heavily.

“Healing…now that takes time” she started but I didn’t look up to her “You will begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who wronged you and learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Sometimes, finding a new reason to live will let you heal. And sometimes…saying goodbye will let you heal”

“Say goodbye?” my ears pricked and my nails punctured through the mantle that startled my mom. I fluttered my eyes to her and let a tear slide off from the edge of my eyes.

She watched me with curious eyes and frowned.

“How can I say goodbye when my heart still wants to hold on?”

_It will never be easy._

_It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I found myself in my bed once again, staring into the ceiling, contemplating on what mom told me. Should I say goodbye? I can’t bring myself to do so.  
  
 _"A woman in China bought Minseok. She is to be his eternal client. The Syndicate...they have a way of doing contracts"_ Luhan told me in the car as indicated in Minseok's note that he was going to China for good.

It was hella scary, how someone can control over your life. Someone bought his fucking life for pete's sake! 

Minseok...how cruel is the world to you.

_"And Hyorin?"_ I asked Luhan.

_"We're still planning on running away. Without Minseok, we're devastaed of course. But Minseok made us promise that no matter what, I will help his sister run away"_ Luhan swallowed hard and gripped the wheel tightly.

_"The baby?"_ I added.

_"Safe in Tao's house. He agreed to keep it safe for us"_

I'm happy Hyorin and the baby were okay. It's something to ponder on. I bet Minseok would be happy about it that his sister is safe and sound with Luhan guarding over her. Who knew I'd be this attached to Ms. Hyorin after the year of loathing her? Who knew .Rolling over to my belly, I picked up the brief case and opened it only to be greeted by the letter and the newspaper clippings encased in it.

_“It was Minseok’s dream to meet his father”_

_“Kwon Jiyong”_

_“You were my new dream Baek”_

_“Avocado Warrior Baekhyun”_

_“Achieve your dreams”_

_“Minseok! Shoot for the stars right?”_

With those words echoing in my mind, something walked into my body. Possessed me into doing what I was going to do next. A realization, an action. As if my mind was being controlled by someone else, my hands travelled to get my wallet and pull out the folded newspaper where it wrote the words: Impossible.

_Impossible…_

I hopped off the bed, took my cork board, a tape and plastered the newspaper into my cork board. I picked out my letter for MID, my audition piece and the note Minseok let me a long time ago when he served me the Avocado Breakfast and plastered it together on the cork board wall.

I took out a piece of paper and wrote above it: My Dream.

I stared at it and smiled with all determination.

I will not break down. I will not give up.

If you love someone, never stop fighting for each other. Even if the other can’t bear take it, you must stand up for the both of you. Do anything in your power to do it.

And I will fight for the dream I wanted.

Fight for what happened last summer.

Fight for me.

Fight for Minseok.

Fight for my dream.

If you are not long, I will wait for you all my life.

“Shoot for the stars, right Minseok?”

 

 


	14. EPILOGUE: Shoot for the Stars

   
  
   

 

 

 

                                                                  

 

                                                                                
  
  


“Mr. Byun Baekhyun, Mr. Byun Baekhyun! Over here!” a man strapped with a bazooka-lensed camera called over for me by the red carpet. With my signature pose, I smiled and winked at them.

 

“Mr. Byun! Smile!” another called.

 

“Mr. Byun, can we do an interview?” a woman approached me with a mic in her hand, struggling in between the crowd of paparazzi that flooded the other side of the divider. A couple of security guards came to my air and shielded me from them.

 

“Sebastian, Seungdae let the reporters pass” I commanded them sweetly and without hesitation, the reporters came rushing towards me.

 

I gave them my famous box-shaped smile that was quote-unquote: “The smile that could light up the whole world”. Let me just say, it became a huge asset in becoming one of the most prestigious and well-known actors in the world.

 

“Mr. Byun, you have become one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood, what made you  _this_ successful? What is your secret?” the same woman said through the microphone before returning it to me.

 

_What was the secret?_

 

I flashed a beaming smile over to the camera and clutched the paper in my hand.

 

“Someone once told me, that I should achieve my dreams no matter what. I should always look to the future no matter what happens” I nodded solemnly and made another pose for the photographers before continuing on with the interview “ _Forgive everything_ , he once said. Forgive and move on. Even with all of the unfortunate things that happened in my life, I have learned to forgive. Even with being crushed into the ground and eat the dust, I forgave because if I succumb myself into pain, I will never heal. If I walk out of the rain, I will never see the rainbow. I let all the hardships come and I let myself experience it all, because I know if I stick to the end and never gave up and move on? I will see the rainbow through it all. I moved on and learned from pain, I used it as a stepping stone into healing. I thought to myself that I will keep on pursuing my dream no matter what happens”

 

I made a bow and arrow and tug the invisible string in my fingers and let it loose.

 

“Shoot for the stars, right?”

 

The crowd all made ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ and applauses came everywhere. As for show, I thanked them and spread my arms gratefully.

 

I never thought this day would come really, that I’d be known for my skills in singing and acting. Seven years in the entertainment industry and now, I’m one of the most famous Hollywood actors in America! I never thought that my dream in becoming a broadway singer would evolve to such a thing.

 

Why wouldn’t it when I reached for the stars, I reached for the whole galaxy? All because of…

 

“So, with all the fame you have, do you have anything to do with the tremendous amount of money? Any particular place you want to visit with a special someone?” a young man, this time in his mid twenties asked me the question.

 

_Any place in particular? With a special someone?_

 

I stared into the camera for a long time as the corners of my mouth tugged into a smirk. A mischievous and knowing look that gave messages even without me blurting anything out. A look, that I hope someone far across the world would receive.

 

“Actually, my boss Kwon Jiyong and I are going to Beijing”

 

“Beijing? Are you going on a tour in Beijing? It’s been a while since you last went to the east!” the young man exclaimed and was so excited to jot everything down for his work.

 

“Yes, it’s been a while hasn’t it?” I never took my eyes from the camera as nostalgia came creeping into my mind.

 

A clear objective I have been meaning to do for seven years that had passed.

 

“So, where in Beijing? A hotel? A market place? What is our handsome actor going to do to his trip to Beijing?”

 

I pierced my eyes into the camera and smiled wildly.

 

“Actually I’m going to claim what’s rightfully mine”

 

The crowd fell silent, all intrigued on what I was talking about. They edged closer with ears that peered up and flinched, anticipating what I was going to say next. I winked at them and pointed at the camera.

 

“I have another dream you see, and I won’t stop until I achieve it”

 

“Another dream?” they all said in unison.

 

I snorted and squeezed the paper in my hands as I clicked my fingers and a guard comes rushing in with an avocado shake in hand. I sipped the drink and winked at the camera once more and walked away leaving the journalists and news reporters trail behind me.

 

I slipped inside the limo and my secretary darted her eyes over me.

 

“You really love teasing them don’t you?”

 

“Sorry Hyorin, but it’s fun when you get used to it. Isn’t that right Sohee?” I played with the daughter of my secretary Hyorin who giggled. She really does look like her mother. Little Sohee.

 

“So, where to now oh so perfect Mr. Byun?” Luhan, my driver turned around from the driver seat and tilted his hat.

 

“Are we to fetch your best friends super star Athlete Kim Jongin? And oh, might I remind you Oh Sehun has a schedule with Dancing with the Stars, I don’t think we would be able to get him out of there” Hyorin checked her laptop for the schedules of my best friends Sehun and Jongin.

 

“No, we don’t need to fetch them. They’ll understand. Besides, we only need Mr. Kwon Jiyong Manager” I continued on fondling with Sohee’s hands and nuzzled her hair.

 

“To China then?” Sohee flailed her wee arms in the air in joy.

 

“Yes, Sohee. To China!” I smiled at her and flailed my arms, mimicking her.

 

“Hear that sweet pea? We’ll see your uncle!” Hyorin clasped her hands with her daughter and rubbed their noses together.

 

“China, great! Can’t wait to come home” Luhan turned around and started to run the engine.

 

And now, here we are.

The four – no wait, the five most important people in Minseok’s lives ready to fetch him from China. Now that I have enough money, I could strip Minseok off from the syndicate and barter with them so I could buy Minseok’s freedom from that client whoever bought him.

I’ve worked so hard in acting to achieve where I am now today. I searched for his father Kwon Jiyong, an entrepreneur who established a music industry and later on, when I joined his company we expanded into experimenting music and acting that led us to have a partnership with Hollywood.

With enough money, I bought Hyorin to help her raise her child with safety. I hired Luhan to become my driver so he could be close with Hyorin and little Sohee and protect her. A year later, I bought him off and stripped him from his duty in the pleasure house and the syndicate.

It might sound weird saying  _I bought_ them, but with them, they were relieved to hear I bought them because they know with me, they’ll be safe.

I bought them from slavery and gave them freedom and now, I can do the same with him.

 

After seven years, I can finally say Minseok is rightfully  _mine_.

 

He was not Chiyo, I was not the chairman.

 

I am Minseok’s Avocado Warrior Baekhyun, and he was Minseok my mysterious lover from last summer.

 

And this, is  _my dream._

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                        

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTES: THANKS FOR THE NEVER ENDING SUPPORT GUYS! UGH. This story was just all over my head!  
> I wish I made justice to your expectations.
> 
> I want to share to you guys. I made this story because...I interviewed a prostitute with my cousin for a project  
> and she told us of a long lost lover she once had that she wanted to run away with, but she never could  
> because her duty as a prostitute and contract had her to stay. So...I made this because I felt like I needed  
> to let out the feelings she had and be written into a story. I wish to see her again someday and hopefully  
> like Baekhyun in the epilogue, my cousin and I could strip her off from her duty in the pleasure house.
> 
>  
> 
> You can find me in twitter: @xiuminseoksbutt  
> Find our tumblr: weareexoimagines.tumblr.com


	15. The Sequel to Last Summer: Here We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready to join Baekhyun in China? :D

 

 

 

 

  
  


And so, here we are.  
We're either the greatest love story or...  
the greatest tragedy of our age.  
  


  


 

**HERE WE ARE**

 

Seven years has passed since we last saw each other. Seven years I've struggled, seven years I've achieved to  
become who I am now. It's what you wanted right? It's what you've been telling me to do ever since we dove  
into a relationship together. It's the reason why you stayed away from me so I could focus in becoming   
successful right?  
  
Well Kim Minseok, I'm not contented.   
Not without you here with me, I won't consider my life as  _successful,_ _beautiful_  or even  _complete_.

So please, come into my arms. Let me sing a song for you. Let's dance together in the endless melodies  
until time decays into the end of the world.  
  
Here I am Kim Minseok.  
  
I'll always be here.  


 

 

 

**(C) STRUCKEDBYLIGHTNING**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally I posted this in my asianfanfics account,


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